Dating after recovery

Life after a breast cancer diagnosis Recovering from treatment
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Firstly, apologies if this is too much information for people. If so please scroll on by. These are genuine worries & concerns.

I’m 40 & completed treatment 8ish months ago. Single mastectomy, skin sacrificing, with diep reconstruction. Been in medical menopause for 2 years & will have to be for at least the next 4.5 (zoladex & letrozole)…so a real catch :roll_eyes:

Beginning to get my strength back & enjoying life again with friends & family. Most friends are married/living with someone/dating & i think im ready to start dating however the whole thing terrifies me after cancer treatment.

When do i slip into the conversation that my belly has bren relocated to my chest & i only have 1 nipple? :see_no_evil: i really havent told many people at all (literally 3 or 4) so where would i even start? The talking stages online so they are given a get out before we meet? When we’ve had a couple of dates? Only when i think it may become intimate? Or do i just give them the shock of their life & let them find out for themselves?

Sex. Ive been in menopause for 2 years, my labia have shrunk & i no longer get discharge. I dont ever feel sore or ‘dry’ like others have described but if ive never felt that way before how would i know? Will i be able to have sex? Should i have lube on hand just in case? Is it all going to go horribly wrong once i finally get the courage to show someone my new body & then i can never see them again?

Libido = 0. I have no interest in sex just now, possibly due to lack of Estrogen but i know sex is a very important part of a relationship. How do you get a balance of having enough healthy sex to keep your relationship alive & having no desire to have sex?

If i cant get over the thoughts above i fear i wont ever be able to put myself out there dating again.

Anyone with experience of any of the above would be very much appreciated

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Hello,

I can’t help with some of your queries, but in terms of libido - mine has been 0 since surgery. I’m due to start letrozole and zoladex in the next week so I’m expecting this to get worse!

It’s been a bit tricky at times as obviously my husband has been trying his best to be understanding whilst battling frustration :woman_facepalming: The only way I’ve managed to get round it is to literally force myself into it. It’s helped maintain the closeness in my relationship and whilst not ideal I haven’t really come up with an alternative solution. I said to my husband yesterday that there should be something you can take to get you mentally in the mood - there’s things you can do to help physically but the mental block can be a real problem.

So grit my teeth and get on with it has been the only solution I’ve come up with! Not very helpful, sorry :frowning:

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Firstly, thanks so much for replying to such a sensitive topic with honesty. I really appreciate it.
Where i 100% understand & respect what youre doing to keep intimacy in the relationship i cant see me forcing myself through the motions with someone i dont know very well/am just getting to know. I do think its different when youre already in a loving relationship.

I do not want to be single or celibate all my life but ive got so much anxiety around this due to cancer treatment i really csnt see a way to navigate through it :pensive:

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Aw I totally get that. I’ve been trying to think what I would do, was actually talking to my husband about it. I asked when he would want to know, out of curiosity…he said when he met me we just ‘clicked’ and if I’d told him about my surgery etc, even right at the beginning, he can’t see that it would have made a difference. I like to think a lot of men would have the same mindset.

I wish I could offer more advice. It would be easy to say the right person won’t care about any of it, but I totally understand the extremes of self consciousness that go hand in hand with cancer treatment, so I totally get your worry. All I can say is I hope you manage to put yourself out there and that it goes amazingly well on all fronts :crossed_fingers::heavy_heart_exclamation: