Hi
I am 59 and 60 this year. I had lumpectomies in both 2018 and mastectomy 2019. I left my partner of 30 years last year he didnt like me with one breast and showed no feelings after op. I have moved on. Little sunny flat still working made friends happy. Then ive been attracted to a man who plays music and ive been going to see. Nothing romantic for a year but now hugging when we meet. His partner died from cancer. I still have awful neuropathy across my chest and get tired v easily. I have been making the most of myself and changed my style and wear jeans. This facade means outwardly i look well. Of course when he sees me i am rested nice clothes and make up. I find him really attractive he is 70. Ive been reading life expectacy rates and this is making me really upset. I have survived 5 years but is the clock now ticking is this when i start the downward spiral. I cried the other day and told myself i was making a bloody fool of myself. Im just sad that if cancer hadnt happened i would have really loved this relationship. Anyone felt anything similar. Thanks for reading.
What life expectancy data have you been reading @Nic1 ? Anything like Predict is based on the average of hundreds of thousands of individual stories, your story could fall anywhere on the spectrum used to find the average. Absolutely no-one knows how long each of us has left, we all fear it will be cancer that comes back to finish us off but it might be something else entirely or cancer may never come back, we just don’t know. You can’t spend your life concentrating on “what ifs” which may never come true. Give yourself a break.
Also, if you hadn’t had the cancer you might not have seen how unsupportive your partner was and would most likely still be with him because inertia set in. It sounds to me as if your confidence has taken a massive hit but tell yourself that you were strong enough to take decisive steps to change your life when it became apparent the guy you were with was not good for you AND you have faced down cancer. Now you’ve met someone who by the sounds of it will be much more sympathetic to what you’ve been through. This is a GOOD THING! Don’t look for ways to torpedo it by worrying about survival stats, that’s all they are - statistics. Let things develop organically and enjoy the process. You deserve to be happy, please don’t let hypothetical worries spoil it.
None of us really know what lies ahead of us whether you’ve had cancer or not but that shouldn’t stop us from trying to live the happiest life we can while we are here
Even with a reoccurrence there still good outcomes for most people who’ve had breast cancer . Go for it and let us know how you get on !
Hello lovely
Too many what ifs will be the devil if you let them
â—‹ Have you done the Moving Foward course offered here?
â—‹ Have you had any counselling?
â—‹ Have you got a Maggies or other support group nearby?
I love that you’ve changed your external stuff and love the new you, even if you feel its a mask …now its time to work on the internal stuff, your fears anxiety and worries and thats where the above support could help…
Talking with professionals will help, be brave and pick up the phone
And i truly hope your new man brings you a new future, forget what ifs … do what makes you happy now x