Hi I am a daughter who has been strong up until now. My mum was diagnosed with bc in feb, has had a mastectomy and is now undergoing chemo to be followed by radio. On Monday mum was told she has secondary in her hip. I have two little girls myself and my mum is only young, a very trendy nanni to them. I am finding it difficult to keep it together and get so emotional when I think of how close my three year old is to her nanni and having to explain if the worst happened. They have said they won’t know anything until they scan again in September after chemo has finished. The waiting in the worst part.
Hi, do you know, I think those of us with grown-up children and grandchildren don’t always realise just how much of an impact this has on our families as we are all so good at “putting on a brave face” for each other. Your mum will just be glad of your company and will probably be happy for you to share your worries with her - I know I wish my girls would, as this gives you both an opportunity to talk it over and deal with it. For your 3 year old, just keep things very simple at the moment - my daughter simply told my 4 yr old grandaughter that Nanna was a little bit poorly and gets tired at the moment, and we made a big joke about me losing my hair when that happened, so she just took it in her stride. They are too little to have any real concept of time or the future, so best to just take things as they come. For you - please try not to dwell too much on the worst possibilities (easier said than done I know) - there are many treatments for secondaries, if that is what is confirmed, and you will see from other threads on here many positive stories from those who have lived with these for many years, so there is every chance your mum will be around for a very long time to come.
Big hugs to you, Sue x
Thanks so much it’s good to hear positivity from others, as there is only so much me and mum can say. We have been very open with each other, she asked how I was yesterday and I told her that I was ok and then told her the truth that no I wasn’t, we chatted over her chemo and talked about just having to live every day and not worry about the future as we don’t know what that I. I hope your right though and he is here for a longtime yet. Got my daughter the little book mummy’s lump and changed the wording to nannies lump, she loves it and asks for nannies story now and even knows that nannies special medicine makes her tired. She’s the first grandchild and apple of my mums eye which I think is what makes me so emotional when I think of the possibilities and I can see mum thinking about it when she visits. Thanks sue xx
It is so emotional - and there’s no getting away from that which is why BC is such a roller coaster. You sound like a very close family who are talking about things and making the most of everything - a great way to live and BC just accentuates this for many of us.
Lovely to hear how you are involving your daughter - she’ll brighten up my mum’s days and that is all important. “Grandchild therapy” helps lots of people as they come first and so other issues are forgotten for a while
take care
Fran
I can’t agree more Fran. There’s nothing can lift your spirits more and help you forget about your cancer for awhile than having your grandchildren around.
It really does work wonders, Sue.
My daughter admits that my diagnosis stunned her as she thought I was invincible!! She listens to me when I’m on a rant about this horrible disease and her support is invaluable.
Good luck to your Mum and her lovely little family.
x
Well that’s all I can di I suppose Tina. Be there and support her and bring the girls down to cheer her up. Thanks girls for your support, I think this may be my support for awhile to keep me strong. Xx
MO2, what a lovely daughter you are!
By the sound of things you’ve had some great advice and have a very open relationship with your mum which will benefit both of you.
Let your mum know about this site too, there are lots of ladies who’ve had secondaries for ages and ages and ages, who may be able to give some specific advice and support to your mum.
This is a disease that affects the whole family, but you sound like you’re doing all the best things for your mum, your kids, and also for yourself.
Can’t add anything else really, other than keep posting and joining in, you’re very welcome and everyone on here will do their best to help you through this. It could well be a “journey” (hate that expression but can’t think of a better one) that you’ll be on until your littlies are grown up and have left home. Seriously.
CM
x
Thanks CM, I hope your right and mum gets sick of seeing me for many years to come!! I hope my sister and brother are ok, haven’t really had time to chat with them yet, I know my younger brother is struggling but he has a nurse as a wife and although she is only in her twenties she’s a wee rock and helps with any questions having worked on a chemo ward. She says he rarely talks about it but has his down days but I suppose having our little ones to look after keeps us occupied most of the time.
Hi mammyoftwo
Keep enjoying each day. I am in my 30’s and my mum has secondaries. You have to look at the positives and every now and again a cry/scream about how the diagnosis has changed things!
Thanks j2007, I’m 31 and know your totally right but easier said than done I suppose. Xx
Hi mammy of two,
I too have 2 little girls aged 3 and 1 and my mum (their trendy nanny) has secondaries to the lungs. She was diagnosed with secondaries over 18 months ago just before I had poppy and at the time we all thought the worst.
BUT she has had no progression since and her hormonal treatment is keeping it the same. She does get tired, breathless etc but my girls do not notice.
You are right the waiting is the worst bit but do try not to jump ahead to the worst and many women live for a long time with secondaries. It is hard and I really feel for what you are going through now.
Lots of love
Sarah xxx
Thank you so much Sarah, your message gives me hope. My three year old is such a smart little girl that she knows nanni is sick and tired and although she knows her nanni has a baldy head much prefers her with her wig or hat… We have to laugh… I have a three month old to and just keep hoping she gets to her know her nanni as well xxxx
I know my mum finds the girls good therapy at times as they do make us laugh! I took mum to a scan last year at the marsden and a lady nurse walked past and really loudly my 3 three year old said " that lady is big" and I said yes she is tall and Really loudly eva said " no fat I mean!!!" and everyone in the waiting room laughed as the lady who had passed was really big.
Take care and let us know how your mum gets on.
xx
Thanks cuddles, weve left mum behind as we had holidays booked for next couple of weeks. Had her third round of chemo on Tuesday and has hired herself a mobile home by the sea for the next month to recover. I don’t know how relaxing that may be as he has brought her mad Bengal cat ith her which is full of mischief. But makes her laugh and is good company until her cheeky granddaughter returns xxx
Hi there mammyoftwo, what a lucky mum you have to have such a caring, considerate daughter 
Of course you will feel down and your mum knows how much you care and understands your pain.
All of your family is there to support you and each other and even though you may have days that it can feel like it’s too hard to bear think that tomorrow can be different. That’s how most of us get through. I can’t believe myself what difference a day makes enjoy your time with mum now and stop worrying too much about what the future can bring. so much is out there these days and who knows what they will discover in the next couple of yrs.
Your mum obviously loves being around your wee ones and this gives her great joy and cuggles is better than any medicine they can give her.
This is a terrible journey for all of you to have to travel on but every cloud has a silver lining and it can bring you all so much closer if you let it. Your mum will be so glad to see you supporting each other. This is such an opportunity for your family to see what really matters in life and where priorities lie. Many don’t get that chance and I would think that once the chemo is completed your mum will start to feel so much better and have much more energy again to share with the wee ones and you. Stay strong and everything will turn out fine x x
Hiya, think your right. Everyone has there good and bad days and ups and downs… Just fed up with the bad days and the downs… And I’m not even fighting this damn disease.