Completely new to this and just wish to God it would go away now…
21 days ago I was diagnosed with grade 1/2 ICD when I was convinced that it was only going to be a cyst. My world has just fallen apart. I’m 37 years ols, married 2 years and work had calmed down enough for us to think about starting a family. I just feel so confused, shocked, angry, sad and so very very afraid.
My doc is saying it is very treatable and that I can beat this, but at the same time is using mastectemy, chemo, drugs…
I had my CT scan and bone scan and they have come back clear. Tomorrow I’m having an MRI scan and then the final verdict as to what they are going to do on Friday.
Will I ever feel like a normal thirty something ever again?? I just look at my friends and my twin with such jealousy, and anger thinking that the fantastic life I have is just in oblivion… I so want to fight this for my husband and family and for me, but at the moment it just seems like I’m staring up at a big long mountain and I just don’t know where to start. HELP!!!
Hi Neadi and welcome to the BCC forums
Your fellow users will be along shortly with lots of support and shared experiences for you I can assure you, in addition, our helpliners are on hand 9-5 weekdays and 10-2 Sat on 0808 800 6000 to offer a listening ear and further support/information.
BCC provide specific information for younger women diagnosed with breast cancer and the issues and concerns this throws up, such as concerns about fertility, you can access this here:
Take care
Lucy
Hi Neadi,
You sound very much like I did 7 months ago, confused,scared and angry but it really does change. I was diagnosed in March, had mastectomy in april, had 6 lots of chemo and now on my final week of radiotherapy. I never ever thought i would reach this stage. You are going to have a lot of lows and its going to be a hard battle but somehow you will manage and then in months to come you like me will look back and think how the hell did i manage to get through that and it becomes a bit of a blur. Its hard but its do-able please keep that in my mind as that thought helped me.
Im 33 was 32 when diagnosed, and was two weeks away from starting long awaited IVF treatment so like you this was the worst shock possible. In a way I havent had chance to dwell on the fact i am still childless as your life revolves around hospitals and treatment but as things are coming to an end for me now it is playing on my mind more but also I have never looked at life so differently and in a way its a nice feeling. I wont be waiting until we have plenty of monrey to get married, i wont be saying no to a holiday because of work etc etc. Life just seems so different and precious when this happens. And your relationships around you will become stronger, my sister and partner have been my rocks. Take one day at a time as you will go through the motions of anger, fear, upset. One thing I will say is everybodies treatment is so different and people are affected so differently, I am friends with two others who went through treatment at same time as me and they all reacted differently. And dont trawl through the internet as its full of information that may scare you and may not apply to you. I say this as i have done all this and it made me a emotional mess. Please message me if you need to chat take care
Hobo xxx
Hi Hobo!
Thanks for the reply. I have found that talking to people who have been through this just fantastic, but they have all tended to be at least 10 years older than me. My friends all say “oh, you’ll ne fine my Mum/ Aunt had it and they’re flying…” But nobody my own age. It feels rather isolating tell the truth. Don’t get me wrong, its actually been me teling people to stay away, as I’m just sick of repeating myself and saying things that people just don’t understand. I’ve always been a fighter, a go getter, ad tackled lifes high and lows head on…in fact all of my friends say “no better woman to get this…” Gee thanks!
I know I have to face the reality ahead of me, but it just doesn’t seem fair does it??? I won’t know until Friday the full extent of what’s ahead of me, but thank you for showing me that there is light, there is hope and maybe one day I can smile again…
N xx
Hi Neadi,
I feel exactly like you do… it was / is a complete feeling of isolation for me too. I was 36 when diagnosed and am now 37. I had come off the pill and was trying for a baby when i was diagnosed. The ladies i met at chemo we perfectly nice but i dont think i met anyone under 55. So pretty much felt like i have been going it alone. Friends, family and boyfriend have been great but its not like talking to someone who has been there or is going through it.
I am now wiating to have rads, and hormone therapy (herceptin is ongoing) and i have had my chemo and surgery.
I wont lie and say chemo was a breeze, it wasnt and there were times when i thought why me and it was a bit crappy. But you DO come out the other side. I am 3 months post chemo now. My hair is back witha vengenace, eyelashes and eyebrows are back and my energy is returning slowly.
I also worked all the way through chemo (it helped keep me sane) - but thats just me. I took a week off to get over the worst of it then worked for the rest before my next chemo. Plus we went for weekend away, had little treats - and made sure we had things to look forward to!
Like hobo i think you do reevaluate too. I had a good job and if truth be known was a bit of a workaholic and ambitious. But now… no - there is so much more to life and i realised i dont need to ‘sweat’ the small stuff any more. Life is far too short!
I agree with Hobo - dont google. Its not a good thing to do. Every one is different on treatment and if you start reading horror stories you will scare yourself witless. And unnecessarily so.
If you have any questions about treatment i am more than happy to share…
Best of Luck for Friday
Rae
x
Hi Raechi, thanks for replying!
Unfortunately I work as a teacher so working during chemo is just not going to be an option for me. God, I’m going to miss my munchkins (god, never thought I would ever write that!!!). But the kids have been great during these few weeks, if it wasn’t for work I would have gone crazy…
So now to Friday. Just so so scared, what if the MRI shows up something more sinsiter. Just waiting for the whole horror film to unravel is making me so so afraid… I just keep imagining myself, fat, bald, no boobs, tired and lethargic, which for someone who like (d) going to the gym 5-6 days a week and was a walking fruit and veg stall really is too much to bear.
Thanks for the tip about google guys! God, it just freaks you out completely!! But again it is heartening to see you out the other side and shining bright!
Hope to stay in touch with you guys…
Will keep you posted about tomorrow and Friday
N xx
Hey Neadi,
Sorry you’ve had to join this club too 
Our situations arevery similar - im 30, a teacher, mum of 2, and was diagnosed about 6 weeks ago. Been for all scans etc and had lumpectomy but now going for mastectomy too as didn’t get clear margins.
This is a shitty place to be but I do think staying positive is half the battle. Not easy, I know (I’m a permanent pessimist) but the alternative is not an option.
Kerry xx
Hi ladies. I was 31 when I was diagnosed 18 months ago. I’m a firm believer that staying positive absolutely helps. That’s not to say that you aren’t allowed to have your down days…it’d be unnatural not to. But, I definitely believe that making the most of the good times helps recharge the batteries to see you through the more difficult times. And if there aren’t any occasions/events in your diary, make some! Pamper yourself, do lunch with friends etc. Give yourself plenty of good times to aim for and look forward to 
x
Hi guys!
Am trying so so hard to be positive. But just sometimes get the wobbles… Kerry, sorry that you had to go back a second time. How long were you told that you had to stay out of school for?? MRI scan today. Happy that things are finally getting a move on. Is the waiting the hardest bit? I feel like I’ve gone through mental warfare since I’ve found this damn lump (which since biopsy seems to have “vanished”!!!). But hopefully the only way is up…
They’ve basically told me I’ll be off till next summer - they say treatment etc takes about a year.
Rhe waiting is definitely the worst. I was diagnosed 6 weeks ago but still feel like I’m waiting - waiting for surgery, waiting for surgery results, waiting for chemo. Not easy for someone as impatient as me!
I totally agree that planning lots of nice stuff to look forward to really helps.
Hope the MRI goes ok,
Kerry x
Ohhh dont necessarily think of yourself as fat and bald…
My onc said exercise was a good thing during chemo as it will help with energy levels…also eating lots of fruit and veg is a good thing - as is drinking lots of water
I totally agree re: the staying positive comment. Easier said than done at times but it soooo helps…I was determined this crap is not going to beat me, and i want my life back…
Good luck to all having scans…
Rae
x
Hi guys!
MRI done! All tests complete and tomorrow is d day!! Am nervous about what may happen, but weirdly enough am calmer than I was getting initial test results…does anybody have any advice about what I should ask??
Thanks xxx
Hi Neadi,
I too completely understand where you are coming from - I’m 33, no kids but with my partner for 10 years and this was the year we were supposed to buy a house and then look to start a family. No such luck! I also feel isolated - when going for appointments I am the youngest there by a mile. I’ve been having tests since mid august and because of a change in my diagnosis from DCIS to invasive DC following a WLE I am still waiting for a SLNB and any indication of what stage I am. It is all scary stuff isn’t it. Waiting is defo the worst!!
Glad your MRI is all done and you are a step closer to having a plan of attack. In terms of what to ask - I guess it is more about really trying to absorb what they are saying. You said in your first post about starting a family - def ask about your treatment and fertility if that is a concern.
If you do think of questions before hand then I find it helpful to write them down. It all gets a bit overwhelming when I get there and easy to forget things.
Hi Brady!
The waiting is a KILLER!!! You feel completely in limbo, none of my friends or family know exactly what to say. Nobody my age group seems to be at the hospital or at my appointments and you just want life to be normal…whatever that may be!!!
But, this is now the new normal, and it’s crap! Hopefully tomorrow will be not too awful and I’ll have a fair idea of what I’m facing…
I have thought about the following things to ask:
Surgery options?
Chance of recurrance in other breast?
Chance of immediate reconstruction?
Chance of dodging chemo(highly unlikely!!) if so what can I do to avoid hair loss?
Fertility and what I can do to preserve it!
Do tou think these are cheeky questions and I’m being too demanding?? Just hope I can remember all of that now!!! Thanks for your post!!
N xx
Of course it you are not demanding - but you may find that you want to rush ahead while the Consultant wants to focus on the here and now. I am guilty of that and it is very frustrating when you want to know everything and they don’t seem to understand! To be honest I have found most of my consultant appointments crap. I usually end up angry… but have then arranged to meet with a BCN to talk through my questions a few days later in a more calm / measured way.
What information have they given you so far about your likely treatment? Any indication on surgery / chemo?
Try not to think of chemo as evil. I don’t want to do it either but if it increases my chances then bring it on!
Hi neadi, I’m sorry I have no advice for you (currently waiting to attend breast clinic myself next week) but I just wanted to offer you a hug and I’ve got everything crossed for your MRI results tomorrow, really hope it comes back clear for you xxxx
Thanks guys!
Brady, the only communication I’ve had with the doc is the day I got diagnosed after needle biopsy. The lump after ultrasound appeared to be 1cm with a non cancerous lump under my arm 2 cm. He needed to investigate further to see what that was hence blood tests , ct scan bone scan (when I rang nurse she said these were fine) and today’s installment the MRI!
Doc said he would be prob be going straight to surgery and bc nurse said today’s MRI was more of a guide for him. Doc said he would be doing a sentinel node biopsy while operating on me… And that’s where I am. Less than 24 hours and I’ll know what I’m facing- or will I? Is there any more they need to do???
Thanks again guys!
N xx
Well I’m no expert but you need to know the lymph node involvement to fully know the stage of your cancer. I am having a SNB next week with my second wide local excision (because he did not get clear margins on the first one). I know that if I wake up with no drain the sentinal node will have been clear (yay!) and I am stage one. This is what I am hoping for. If I wake up with a drain it means it was not clear and he has removed all the other nodes. I will have to stay over night and my nodes will be sent to a pathologist to check how many affected (not yay). I will go back 10 days later for the results and whether the margins on the lump are good this time.
So I’m afraid you might have a bit more waiting yet.
Waiting, waiting, waiting…that is what this disease is to me!
I waited for breast clinic app, waited for results, waitied for WLE and SNB, waitied for results, waited for body scans, waited for results, waiting for mastectomy…
You might have guessed I’m not good at waiting!
Ok! Wait we will!!! Hopefully the waiting will yield some good news, but fingers crossed that something positive will come out of tomorrow’s antics…
Positive thoughts for everyone (with a bit of waiting thrown in!!!)
N xx