Dealing with feelings

Hi there - I am a bit new to all this and have never used a forum before. I was diagnosed 5 weeks ago with a IDC. I had a wide excision lumpectomy four weeks ago and a re op to meet the safety margin. Unfortunately that did not work so am scheduled for a mastectomy in 3 weeks time. I admit to struggling to get my head round this. I know its got to go so I can be healthy again but I am afraid of feeling ugly - and undesirable - probably more so as I am 48, divorced and dont have a partner but also because my self esteem is a bit low right now too. Any hints or tips from anyone who has found themselves with these feelings greatly appreciated. At the moment all I seem to notice wherever I go are healthy women with voluptuous breasts and I find it hard. Stupid I know

Its not stupid at all, its perfectly normal. We’ve all been in the same boat. You are still the same person, wether with one boob or two. You always have the option of having reconstruction surgery, which can be daunting. Trust in your consultant and youll do fine. If you consultant is anything like mine is, his mum would be proud of his stitching capabilities. Im now incredibly smug with my friends, as compared to them and they havent had breast cancer…my boobs are way much better than theres!!
We all have our good days and bad days, we all have the wobble moments and its even scarier at the start of it all. Ive always been more bothered about my bum than my boobs…boobs can be replaced…damn shame they cant replace the bums we’ve been given. x

i no its easy for me to say and harder for you to do please try and be positive you will get all sorts emotions from your illness its normal. you are still the same woman you was b4 surgery

hi ellee

sorry u feeling so low at moment,it is very daunting at times but try not to think too far ahead. get through each day a bit at a time, and try and do things you enjoy.

i was the same as you scared of surgery, which i had to go through twice like you. but i asked for pre med before second op, seemed to help me.
once youve gone through surgery i think you will accept the loss of your boob, cos you will have othe things to deal with.
i wish you well, keep sharing your feelings you will find plenty of support on here. god bless i will pray for you x

hi ellee i had mastectomy 8 months ago i went through allthe same feelings but it gets better you learn to love yourself and be proud of what you have been through take each day as it comes good luck

Hi Ellee and welcome to the BCC forums

I am sure you will continue to receive lots of support from your fellow users, in addition BCC can offer you further support including our helpline which is open weekdays 9-5 and Sat 9-2, please call 0808 800 6000 for a friendly and supportive ‘listening ear’.

Our helpliners can also talk to you about our other services which you may find helpful, I have included a link below which gives you some information about these:

I hope this helps a little

Best wishes

Hi Ellie

It’s totally normal what your feeling and does take a bit to get your head around. I am 41 and had my mx last Wed, i was really nervous and wondered how i would cope with just one breast. And didn’t know how i would feel, was scared too about feeling ugly and undesirable but so far i don’t feel too bad, the whole thing wasn’t as bad as i thought it would be.

I am healing really well and did have a couple of days that i felt sad that it was gone but i am getting used to it now and just feel very lucky to be alive. I would say i have a new appreciation for my body now. Am thinking of a recon next year but not totally made up my mind yet.

Your totally doing the right thing by facing all these things and asking your self how you will feel, i think it helped me to do that.

The help line here is very good, lovely people.

Good luck and hope it all goes well. Please PM me if you need anything.

Lots of love


Hi Ellee
what your feeling it totally normal! I struggled with poor body image before losing my breast and thought i was going to look/feel ugly and hideous. My mx was at the end of March and i had immediate recon. Like you, im on my own (my partner walked out half way through treatment) and I was convinced I couldnt deal with it all…but now 4 months down the line I fell incredibly confident when i have my clothes on, Im proud of my scars infact i had the BC ribbon tattood next to the scar on my back from the ld flap and im proud that ive survived and im alive! Im still not totally confident without my clothes on but have just started dating somebody who is very sympathetic and caring and I know the time will come when i will be happy to “share” them with him.
I wish you tons of luck, you will get through this!!

thinking of you.


Hi Deed,
Wow what a change in 3 months, l remember reading one of your posts, you were so very upset about your body image, which was completely understandable, but your words made me so very sad for you. And look at you now, a new partner and confident with your clothes on, well done, you have come so far.
To have found someone sympathetic and caring will help you through the next stage of sharing your body with him.
Good Luck and Lots of Love
Sandra xxx