There was an interesting interview with Gloria Keating, on Woman’s Hour just now, on dealing with the grief of losing someone to cancer. You can probably hear it again using ‘listen again’.
Jenny
yes I listened to it as well - I must admit she came across really well, I almost switched it off but I am glad i didnt.
cathy
Thank you for mentioning that Jenny. I have just listened to it. Some of you may know from my previous postings that I lost my daughter Lisa aged 34 in June this year … she was an only child… such a wonderful, caring, beautiful and funny girl who was my very best friend and who i saw every day and who I miss so much every minute of every day.
I am sitting her with tears streaming down my face as such a lot of what Gloria Hunningford said is so true and hit home… about the mask, the auto pilot, feeling you are never going to smile again and the fact that you know you will never be the same person again. Also how you want people to talk about your child as it adds to your memory bank and keeps her ‘alive’ in some way. I have found out so much more about Lisa from other people … how she helped others and how kind she was and what a good friend she was to many work colleagues. She was always very modest herself.
However I do envy Gloria her Grandchildren and her other children who she says she still has to care for. Unfortunately I have neither of these … but I have recently got a puppy who is currently keeping me very busy! You have to keep busy somehow or slip into that black hole that looms in front of you.
Sue
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Thank you Molly. I can imagine how awful it was to tell your parents … really the only people that love you unconditionally. Lisa persuaded me that she would be OK and would fight it. Unfortunately it wasn’t enough … I lost her after 13 months only … she had a good year considering what she had to go through and kept cheerful and active … putting on baker boy caps and big earrings and her make up and looked so gorgeous despite it all and admitted that she really wasn’t that bad. But life had something else to chuck at her and she had brain tumours but again she fought her way through it and was really only ill and in pain the last few weeks. Even then we (drs too) thought she was going to pull through for another year at least. The hope that we had … but she suddenly developed complications and died that day. I think its the shock as much as anything that is so awful to bear.
I have kept the fleece cap that she died in and hold it to my face and smell it often … please don’t think I am a sad case … but it does help just to smell her again.
I hope you are beating your cancer Molly … I long for the day that they can announce a cure … keep strong. I am so pleased that you too have a strong bond with your Mum. So sad when Mums and daughters don’t get on.
Sue x