Not sure where is the right place to post this so decided on here.
So I’m 3 months post recall from routine mammogram, 2 months post diagnosis and a few weeks post my last (of 2) surgeries.
I’ve been reasonably strong in public only having one serious meltdown when away with 4 friends just after my first op (wle and sn) and regularly get the ‘you are coping so well, you are so strong, you are an inspiration to everyone’ comments.
Today the boiler won’t light again. It’s been playing up intermittently since a service and new ignition part was fitted 10 days ago. Last Friday, 4.30pm, it wouldn’t light and I called the gas man… he doesn’t work weekends…!!. Wednesday it took a few hours to coax info life. I hoped it was throwing its final fit before accepting its new part. This morning I’ve had enough of switching it off and on waiting for the fault to clear for it to give up again after 1 min of firing up.
I’ve had enough. I’m fed up. I don’t have strength for this sort of sh i te as I’m using it up to just get on with ‘normal’ life.
And when I post a ‘this is how I’m really coping with life’ type update on FB (yes I use it a lot, I have family all over the country and in other countries) all those that rush to tell me how great I’m doing are very quiet… maybe they are just busy at Easter.
Done. Finished. I’ll shut up now and try to be strong again.
Thanks for reading (if you got this far) xx
AAAAARRGGGHHHHH!
It can be sooo frustrating. I remember how it felt having to ask my husband to chop up a butternut squash as I couldn’t make any impact on the wretched thing.
But. Given Time. Things. DO. Get. Better.
(A sit down, a cuppa and a hot cross bun may help)
Maybe they are busy at Easter. Maybe not. Nowt strange as folks! But I hope you have had some positive and supportive response now to your FB status. Why people insist on saying things or asking questions like ‘you are strong…you are an inspiration…I know you will be fine…how are you feeling’ etc is beyond me. I’m sure the sentiments are well meaning and genuine but…As I explained to one friend, does she want know how I was feeling during the night, an hour ago, now, when I think about the road ahead in terms of treatment, survival rates, reoccurrence rates, the dinner I don’t feel like cooking, the pile of ironing I have to get through? But as least she listened to me rambling and probably ‘got it’. And that is all you want friends and family to do well you are feeling **bleep**e. So don’t ‘shut up’ …share with your friends and family (and on here) the good moments and the not so good moments!
I think with all we have to cope with, when something like the boiler doesn’t work it’s even harder to cope with than usual. I had a total meltdown a couple of weeks ago because my iPad stopped working. I sobbed all afternoon as I couldn’t see how I was going to cope without it and continue with the chemo. Hope your day gets better. x
Thanks all. I switched it on again … and again… and at 12.30 it fired up and stayed on. I turned heating and water to on constant and went out for a run.
I only just had the emotional strength to get up the final climb but at least feel I’ve achieved something today (other than getting the boiler to light!)
Now I’m going to use all the hot water soaking in a bath while we have some as you never know what tomorrow will bring.
And relax…big sigh… happy easter
And I hope the iPad is behaving itself now.
I can empathise with you ladies, husbands, friends, family just cannot understand. I have daily breakdowns - DX and MX in sept 14. 6 months of Chemo now facing recon and rads. Its so tough especially when something unexpected happens. I hate it when Im told I look well and so strong and an inspiration - I’m a working mum of two, what do they expect???