Decree Nisi this morning

After 18 months of tamoxifen, several biopsies, MRI’s etc and being told that they have found a vascular mass within the breast but dont know what it is feeding; they cannot remove it as it is presenting with a hole (large dimple) in the breast and they wonder how to remove a hole!
My DH left me in the hospital car park in September and drove off! He came home for one weekend a month later and asked for a divorce. (he was away in the Army).
He says that he is ‘overwhelmed’ by it all and cannot handle the family! when i asked if he woudl have stayed if they had said then it was malignant he said probably! I have seen him twice since and he has been threatening and vile to me.
I have filed for divorce and got granted my Decree Nisi this morning.
This was not something that i wanted and i still love the man to bits but my man is lost in the theatre of war and this is not the man i married which makes divorce easier.
my world has been ripped apart and i feel so lonely; my family have been as supporting as they can be but they too are hurt by his actions he has been part of their life for 12 years; still facing an unknown disease within my breast which is worsening; it is all so lonely

I really dont know what to say to you, you have had such a rubbish time. The one positive that I can give you is that by posting this thread you will be inundated with messages of support from all the wonderful people on this site.

Sending you big hugs



Dear oldship

What a terrible time of it you’re having! Some men just can’t handle it. Makes you wonder at the calibre of our soldiers these days. Maybe he’s seen so much badness and uncertainty out there that he can’t face the uncertainty at home as well. Especially the pain and suffering of the woman he loves. Maybe the decree nisi will give him the jolt he needs to come home and support you. Fingers and toes crossed for you, oldship.

Best wishes xx

Hi Oldship,
Unbelievable! I am so sorry to hear what an awful time you’ve had. Men are a complete mystery when it comes to emotions. I’m sure he just felt overwhelmed because he was so scared, but what a way to react! Don’t they realise we’re s**t scared too! Just cos we’re able to cry or talk about our feelings, they’re no less powerful.
You must look after yourself. You need to lean on your friends and family, and ask for help and support whenever you need it.Coming on here is a good start. Could you ask for a second opinion about your breast? It’s ridiculous that they don’t know what to do. Is there any support available through the army, if you wanted to get counselling together or anything, if there’s a chance you could get back the man you first fell in love with. Or has he been so vile you don’t want anything to do with him?
Sending you a big hug and an invitation to rant on here whenever you want.
love Jacquie

Dear oldship

I am sorry to read that you are having such a difficult time at the moment and would like to say that you may find it helpful to call our confidential helpline for support and information, the number is 0808 800 6000 and it’s open Monday-Friday 9am-5pm and Sat 9am-2pm.

Best wishes

Oldship - so sorry to hear of your devastating problems. First of all you need to sort out exactly what is happening in your breast - everyone is entitled to a second opinion and you certainly deserve one to know where you stand and where to go.

As for your ex in my opinion you are much better off without him. Do please let us know how things go and come back anytime you feel you want to chat.

Oldship - so sorry to hear your story
Please post as much as possible here -there is so much support available


Dear oldship,

Who knows what is going on in your husbands head at the minute…he probably does not know himself… but you do not need this and you certainly do not need the aggression…surround yourself with people who can and will support you through this and if you do have to meet up with your husband take somebody with you for support…don’t put yourself in any vulnerable positions…thinking of you Deb xx

Difficult week this week as it is 12 years since we got together - all the memories are being stirred; all the happy times, the excitement.
The wondering now when did he stop loving me? why? how could he drive off from the hospital and just stop wearing his wedding ring? why? Why was i so stupid as to not see it?
It would be my wedding anniversary in the same week as i am due for my Decree Absolute. I suppose it makes a tidy circle but i am still devastated and looking at my six monthly check up on the breast again but this time on my own!
I had to see my chest consultant this week and he suggested that my husband should attend with me to learn how to clear my chest due to bronchiectasis (just diagnosed but searched for over last two years) having to tell him that i no longer have a husband so i have to get on with it on my own.
I had to have someone with me last time he came home but i doubt now that i will ever see him or hear from him again. it is so final with no notice; just solicitors now clearing up the devastation he has left behind.

Hi Oldship
Just wanted to add my support and hugs if it will help you at all.
My husband couldn’t cope with my bc and in fact i gave him the elbow during my chemo treatment in mid 07. It was my decision as I knew that as I needed support he was not going to be helpful. The rest of my family and friends are incredible. It’s tough but it’s not impossible. Be strong - lean on whoever you can and take whatever support you can from anywhere - especially this forum. Thinking of you.
Lots of love Diane x

Hi Oldship,
Just wanted to add my support too. It’s utterly cr*p what you are having to deal with. I will pray for really good friends around you to support and help you. You can do it.
Sent with love and hugs