Deja Vu …?
Deja Vu …? Ok - here I am - sitting in my dining room at 20 past midnight thinking I should be in bed, I’m that tired. But …
Oh my god, oh my god … I think its happening again. It was the end of January last year that I was diagnosed in my right breast - after which has followed, mastectomy, reconstruction, chemo, radio, herceptin - interspersed of course with all the usual appts, scans etc including a portacath inserted because my veins were shot.
My herceptin was stopped in January due to heart failure for which I now take tablets for the next two years.
I went today for my first annual mammogram since diagnosis. Tomorrow I am going for a PET scan to assess whether there is any microscopic spread which a CT scan cannot pick up.
I was worried about the PET scan and its results but had not given much thought to the mammogram, other than the bad memories it would stir up from last year!
My mammogram this afternoon showed something new in my left breast. I saw the consultant this afternoon and will go for a biopsy this week. This is SO not what I expected that I can’t quite believe it. Can it be that unfair as to have history repeat itself on the opposite side exactly one year later??
I thought I was coping quite well and was anticipating a return to work in 2 weeks time. Now what???
Not sure that I’m asking any questions here - or even expecting a reply - its more that, when you can’t sleep putting your feelings down on this site somehow helps. Thanks for listening (if anyone else is a night owl out there!)
xx
Dear pinklady I am sorry to read that you are going through such a difficult time at the moment. Please feel free to contact our helpline on 0808 800 6000 if you would like to talk to someone in confidence about how you are feeling at the moment and the concerns you have about the tests you have had and are due to undergo. The helpline is open Monday to Friday 9am-5pm and Saturday 9am-2pm.
Kind regards
Forum Host
Breast Cancer Care
Hi Pinklady
I so understand your feelings.I think you lose your peace of mind once you have BC, and a recurrence is all our worst fear. I was called back after my first mammo following surgery. I got the call at 8:30pm on a Friday night, and all they would say was I needed to see the breast radiologist first thing on Monday. I cannot describe how i felt.I didnt eat or sleep the entire weekend and on the Monday, my legs would barely carry me into the hospital. The mammo showed microcalcification and within 24hrs I was having guide wires put in under local,swiftly followed by another lump of breast tissue being removed under general anaesthetic -then the seemingly never ending wait for “the results”. Mercifully, it was radiologically induced tissue changes- but i thought then, that if i have to go through another episode of BC, I could not cope with it, so i have a small measure of understanding about what must be going through your head. Hopefully it will be nothing at all, and they are just being dilligent because of your BC history. I’ll be thinking of you.
best wishes
cherryx
Thx Cherry for your reply. Had my PET scan yesterday together with another CT scan. Was at the imaging centre in London for over 3 hrs! And - its alright for them to say… put your arms above your head… keep them there for 45 mins… breathe in and hold…hold…hold… are they trying to kill me off before the BC does!!! My right shoulder is aching so much this morning! Awaiting results now - have appt Monday with Onc so not too long to wait.
As for the new primary suspected on the left breast - I am awaiting the call for biopsy etc in the next week and I’m just hoping that it won’t be as bad as last years diagnosis! You’re right about recurrence being our worst fear - thats why it was such a shock that there is a new one - a new primary was not anywhere on my radar screen!
Thanks for the support - great as always. Xx
Hi Pinklady… -had the same experience with the arm above the head business during radio. planning -it went completely numb and they discouraged me from moving it as they “would have to start all over again”-I’m interested why some women seem to get scans routinely following treatment and others dont --funding i expect!
I hope all results turn out as you’d wish them to be-let us know ,& i’m rooting for you!
Cherryx
Follow-up scans Hi cherry
You’re right about the funding. My BC surgeon told me that I was being well looked after with scans etc because I have BUPA cover. If I was NHS they would not have sent me for scans unless I had symptoms. I have had probably 4-5 CT scans, bone scan, PET scan, numerous blood tests to check tumour markers, GCSF injections for 10 days after every chemo, etc.
I am a definite supporter of the NHS (I work in a GP surgery) but thank goodness for my hubby’s private insurance when it comes to this horrid disease! Just wish more of the women out there could have such good treatment on our Health Service.
Will keep you posted on my progress. Do you mind me asking what your BC story/history is?
best wishes, Xx
no not at all… -found lump in left breast. GP said she wasnt worried but would refer me to breast clinic anyway. I waited 2 weeks, and no letter arrived. I rang the surgery again and they had no record of a referral being made. I have to say I wasn’t worried myself (dumb or what)-very mobile lump, not attached to skin, going up and down with my periods, couldnt feel anything in my axilla etc.Anyway, because I didn’t altogether trust the GP to make the referral, I picked up the phone and made an appt. to be seen at the local BUPA hospital the following day. I went alone. They did mammo and ultrasound and as the radiologist put the handpiece on my lump she said “This is a cancer” -when she then went on to do the core biopsy -i barely felt a thing, I was so shocked& still dont know how I drove home that day.
Biopsy showed lump to be 2.2cm , grade 2. However by surgery the following week , it was 3cm, grade 3, with 2 positive nodes.
I started chemo on the day my NHS appt for the breast clinic came through!!
Cherry xx
Thx for that Cherry Your story is not so dissimilar to mine. I went to see my GP 3 times! First she dismissed the lump near my armpit as a muscular strain - come back in 10 days if still a problem. Second - went back and was told must be an infected gland (!?!) put on antibiotics. Third - went back as (obviously) no change and insisted she refer me.
Same as you - had mammo, ultrasound, core biopsy in same afternoon and was told straight away it was cancer. My husband was with me - thank goodness - and says now that the drive home was the longest he had known me not to talk!! What does he mean?
From October 2005 to diagnosis 20 Jan 2006 was, I feel, too long a time - can’t help feeling perhaps that was how it managed to spread to 13/15 nodes. One positive thing from already being on the BC conveyor belt (we have to stay positive girls!!) is that this possible new primary is getting assessed far quicker!
Where are you now in your treatment?
Pinklady Xx
time lapse… Yes I worry about the gap I had between the lump being felt and treatment but breast surgeon told me often these cancers have been growing years and an extra few weeks makes no difference! not sure I quite believe that one since mine seemed to expand at olympic speed between biopsy and surgery (but I’m probably being a bit melodramatic). I had 8 cycles FEC -think Taxol was only available in trials or for advanced BC when I had mine, and I worry about this since I think taxol’s (or is it taxanes??), give better results .I’m now just taking arimidex and fosamex.
Just to help your spirits a bit, I had treatment with a lady, who is now 64 who first had BC 15 years ago with 14/21 nodes positive, She was having radiotherapy for low grade DCIS, but other than that she has been completely well - it’s just that we can never take our eye “off the ball”.!
Cherryxx
Hi pink lady
am very sympathetic to your feelings. Was Dxd in June 2005 with ductal cancer in right breast, node positive and have been re-dxd with
lobular cancer in left breast, decided to have double mastectomy and when checked, left breast tumor 8cm and two tumors in right breast, not even detected. So i had three cancers while i have been undergoing treatment for another ductal cancer, doctor thinks lobular cancer was there all along, undetected. Also have all nodes positive this time which is pretty scary. But what can we all do except keep fighting, I have three kids and a partner to stay around for, one who is only three years old. Keep strong my friend, and know for sure that you are not alone.
lesleydonna
Thx to all you ladies Appreciate your replies - makes me feel so much better, you always think you’re the only one who has these worries. Not that I’d wish this on any one else, but its nice to know you’re all out there, and you understand. Thank You. Xx