hi i am so new to this. my mum was diagnosed with a grade 3 breast cancer on 23/12/2011. and i am really struggling to come to terms with it. we decended for xmas as planned and all kept a brave face and did not talk about it but i found this really hard and we came home a day early.i live about an hour away and have 3 beautiful kids and a wonderful partner…but am struggling to understand how mum can just carry on and act normally as i am totally devastated. now i find this irrational as i am a nurse so know the wonders that can be done now but have took a month off work as my emotions are everywhere. i want to be there for her and go over in the day but she just wants normality. my sister has m.s. and so chatting to her about how i feel is really hard as that disease has robbed me of a sister relationship i so dont want to lose my mum too. i know that sitting at home dwelling on it wont change anything but is it normal to feel such devastation…???michelle.
Michelle, with this blasted disease, anything is normal!
It’s early days, and the very start of this is the worst for just about everyone concerned, as it’s new, you don’t know what’s going on, what the treatment will be, and getting your head round the diagnosis really messes with your head.
Once your mum knows what her treatment plan is (surgery?/chemo?/rads?/herceptin?/hormone therapy?) she’ll be in a better position to have a sensible conversation with you about what’s what and what support she needs. I suspect she’ll really appreciate your practical help a bit further down the line but I could be wrong.
I know they’re shut at the moment, but you would do well to call the helpline on Monday. They’re there for family and friends of people with BC too, and having a chat with someone who understands what’s going on may be really helpful for you.
Post on the forums as much as you like, ask any questions (there’s no such thing as a silly question) and use the forums for as much support as you need.
CM
x
Michelle, don’t know if this will help but i was doagnosed with a grade 3 but stage 1 BC before xmas as well and i haven’t been that emotional or upset about it - everyone expects that you would be upset etc with this disease ie saying i am being brave and strong but i am genuinely not (at the moment!) upset, angry etc - i was most emotional before my diagnosis and since haven’t even really felt depressed about it - and i not in denial - i am so thankful that it has been found and i know what is happening in terms of treatment, i am so happy (strangely!) that it is me and not one of my beautiful daughters who is fighting this, and i am feeling so well in myself that i feel that i will win this battle. My parents are much more emotional and upset than my husband and i are! (i am only 37) your mum may be in a similar state of mind as i am - and at the moment while i can i am really enjoying every minute of my life - for instant it made me realise how much i love my job!! again strange but true!! i am sure with chemo starting next week and things like that my mood will be affected and it may get tougher (as pms made yesterday!!) but at the moment i am happy! 
If your mum seems ok it may be what she really feels at the moment
Marina xx
thanks ladies to both of you getting someone elses perspective is great…i am going with mum for a heart scan tomorrow as they asked for that before her chemo starts. feel better knowing i can go with her for that. i have so many questions that i want her to ask and i have read so much though my mind boggles!!! will try the helpline many thanks.xxxxxxxxxxxx