Diagnosed 2 days ago and worrying about how to tell my adult children

Hi everyone 

This is my first post on here, although I am sure not my last! Although still awaiting biopsy results, I was told by the consultant radiographer at my screening recall that she is 99% certain that I ‘will need treatment’ - can not mention the cancer word until biopsy results back. I have a 13mm mass and a suspicious 1st lymph node and biopsies were done of both. I am obviously very anxious, especially with the lymph node. However, my biggest concern at the moment is how and when to tell my 3 adult children. - all well in their 30s I know that each case is different and we all know our own children’s personality etc But I would be interested to hear how any of you other older ladies handled this. The consultant and nurse suggested maybe waiting until I have seen the breast surgeon and have a plan - I have been given a direct referral as we had a very open discussion at the recall and neither the radiographer or I could see any point in having another with her. 
Thanks for any advice or support you lovely ladies can give at this time

Hi welcome to the forum .I think you will probably get a variety of responses to this question as like you say everyone’s children and circumstances are different. I was a coward and didn’t tell my teenage son as he was sitting  his exams - it was a big strain and I felt very dishonest .Your children hopefully once they have got over the intial shock will be able to give you lots of support .Sounds like a good idea to maybe have more information and a treatment plan before talking to them as you will have all the facts and will be better able to answer their questions .Its very hard telling people as you get upset and so do they but having support particularly if you have a long period of treatment is really important .Lots of support and advice here from people who understand .x

Hello grannyp

I can honestly say that I found plucking up the courage to tell my two adult children, both in their thirties, has been the hardest thing about this whole process. And thinking about the prospect of telling them has been the only time I have cried. I decided to keep it to myself until I was 100% certain, reasoning that they didn’t need to be worried unnecessarily if it turned out there was nothing to worry about - however slim that possibility might be. So I didn’t spill the beans until I had my biopsy results, a diagnosis and a way forward. My situation was complicated by the fact that my 14-year-old son, their brother, had died of a very rare and aggressive cancer and I knew that all their thoughts and fears would be heightened and coloured by that experience. I just felt so guilty about rocking their world again. It’s a tough time but I felt so much better when I finally told them. The first big hurdle had already been crossed. I’m sure you will feel that relief too. 

On a very positive note, it’s good news that you have had biopsies of both your lump and the suspect lymph node which means that everything can be dealt with during surgery. My positive lymph node was not discovered until my mastectomy so I then had to have further surgery for an axillary node clearance. 

Good luck! The waiting is the worst…

Pat x

Hey Grannyp

so sorry you are in this position but i hope you find some help from here like many of us have.

i told my daughter as soon as i found out it was likely cancer - before biopsy results but with bcn and radiologists/medical peeps implying it is what it is. 

its a difficult conversation but to me i was in so much shock already (i’m usually quite private) i ended up blurting it out - i’m glad i did as there is so much between diagnosis (ultrasounds, MRI, CT, heart scans, in my case more biopsies) i think i would of had more anxiety as it built up to tell her.

My daughter is 15 so not really an adult.  its still very invisible so i presume its difficult for her to understand/identify with. however i am glad i’ve been honest as much as i’d like to remain invincible if/when i fail at least she will know why.

i hope you are ok and when you feel ready to open to your family it eases your worry

thinking of you xx