I found a lump a few weeks ago because I’m such a positive person I assumed I would get told… No your fine go home! I didn’t… Now I’m trying to cope with all the usual emotions… I didn’t prepare myself for bad news therefore my whole universe stopped in one moment and I feel so stupid for being too optimistic the one emotion I’m not coping with is fear! I’m so scared I’m going to die… Its only been 2 days since the diagnosis… I don’t and won’t know anything until the 6 May when they phone me with the information regarding the biopsy… Surely I’m not alone feeling like this… So why do I feel so lonely and scared
Hi Znandra, welcome to our lovely forum but sorry you find yourself here. The biopsy is the final test to confirm whether suspicions are cancer or not so that leaves you on the anxiety fence for a little while. The waiting is a very anxious time. If it is cancer there will be lots of emotions to work through but there are lots of us that have been through the most aggressive treatment and still here and doing well. Myself included. I always tend towards the optimistic and sometimes I wonder if that sets up us for a bigger fall but it also means we are good at picking ourselves back up again so it’s a double edged sword. Breast cancer is a whole new world of terminology and language which send you in a bit of a spin. You might want to avoid it for now until you have your biopsy results. Try and do things which help your anxiety for now like walking in the countryside or a creative hobby. Please feel free to offload here as we understand how disconnected people feel once they enter the new territory of breast cancer. Once you have your results, depending on outcome, we can help you get the support you need or wave you off from the club no one wanted to join. Xxx
Hi Znandra
I wholeheartedly back what Mai has written. Getting a cancer diagnosis is always terrifying, I suspect because we’ve been educated to regard the disease with terror and it’s surrounded with negative language like ‘battle,’ ‘survival’ and fighting,’ unlike other life-threatening diseases. It kind of sets us up for fear right from the start. As Mai said, there are thousands of us here, at various stages of our treatment and after, and the important word is ‘here.’ Breast cancer recovery rates are very high, way higher than even 10 years ago. Try to keep that in mind.
It’s not going to be an easy ride. There may be unpleasant surgery and treatments but you find your own ways of getting through and every one of us experiences it differently. So please don’t switch off that innate optimism. Don’t assume it will all be horrific because you hear about horrific or horrid things - it may not be like that for you. You will be introduced to a whole new language which you can adopt as essential for your wellbeing or ignore (as I did) and just let them get on with it. What difference does it make in the end? Meantime there are two things you can do that will hold you in good stead. Avoid the internet for anything but support. Above all, do not turn to Dr Google. For all its wonders, it is a minefield of outdated, sometimes inaccurate information, often way above our pay-grade and never related to our unique circumstances. That way lies more terror. Be warned
Equally important, look after your emotional health. I think it plays a major part in this whole experience, from diagnosis onwards and definitely afterwards. Practise, practise, practise your mindfulness or meditation or yoga, whatever you feel comfortable with. I found some very helpful videos on YouTube. Progressive Hypnosis’ Manifest Healing has been invaluable for 18 months Many of the videos from Michael Sealey have helped, as have Good Vibes if you accept that binaural beats can help. Don’t be put off by ‘hypnosis’ - it’s fundamentally relaxation. I remember some days where maybe 4 or 5 hours were spent with these, helping keep me grounded and feeling more in control of my world.
Start spoiling yourself in ways you would have considered self-indulgent before. There’s great comfort in cuddly things, especially while you can’t get hugs from your friends. The important thing is to feel good. Share your fears with someone you trust - don’t worry about upsetting or worrying them, they can deal with it. It’s time to put your own needs first, even if that doesn’t come naturally. If your worries are overwhelming, ring the nurses at the number above. I can vouch for how wonderfully reassuring they can be. And the forums are always here for you to share with people who understand because it’s not always easy for ‘outsiders’ to understand this new world you have entered.
I wish you all the best with your results. Till you have those, you don’t know what you are dealing with so why waste energy worrying yourself sick over something unknown. Take good care of yourself,
Jan x
I too am feeling the exact same emotions. I went along for the mammogram feeling quite positive expecting them to tell me it was a blocked duct or something. I’m only in my 40s, with no family history of breast cancer, and so I thought everything would be fine. When I was told it wasn’t it was a big shock. Biopsy results confirmed invasive lobular breast cancer. They aren’t sure whether it’s in just part of my breast or in 2 sections, so I’m having further tests done tomorrow and going for a pre-op on wednesday. Tomorrows results will confirm whether I need a lumpectomy or mastectomy. Happy to chat to anyone going through the same thing at the same time. Pretty scared too
Hi , I like you am recently diagnosed ( 5 days ago ) and I’m terrified . I’m booked in this week for a mri scan and awaiting a ct scan appointment and more results from my biopsy . I have been told they think it’s Invasive ductal cancer as it has gone into my lymph nodes but will know more once all scan results are back. The first question I asked is will I survive to see my son grow up . They told me they are looking to cure me but obviously they need all results . I’m trying to stay positive but I’m up and down . I just keep thinking treatments nowadays are improving all the time . Hope this helps x