diagnosed 21st october 2010 after my birthday

just been diagnosed with breast cancer and have been told that i will have a lumpectamy within 4 weeks and then 5 weeks of radiotherapy. Since then life has seemed very different. I live with my grandaughter - whom I have brought up alone. Although I have a lot of friends support and some family I feel so isolated and alone and am worried how I am going to cope. Feel such a coward as I have I used to have such fight in me. Does anyone else feel like me and afraid of the unknown? I wished there was someone living nearby in the same position. Many thanks all for listening and good luck. xx

Hi springblossom, what a lovely name. So sorry that you are joining this not so exclusive club.Not sure where you live as there are some threads for various areas on here if you can identify the area.Also none of us know how we will cope with the unknown but some how we do.Regular mantra on here ‘take one day at a time’ Have you got a BCN at your clinic/hospital to speak to? Also the helpline here on BCC are really helpful. If you are on your own this forum is really helpful.Hope there are more helpful posts for you on this thread, hun sending you loads of cyber hugs. Jackie

hi libby

thank you for your kind remarks - i imagine you are going through it too. i live in hornchurch Essex. i wonder if anyone knows of support groups. There are so many giving brave ladies out there.

Hi springblossom - so sorry to hear your news, but welcome! I am recently dx too - saw my gp on 1st Oct, mammo/u.s/biops ten days later… now awaiting mx and whatever follow up treatment is deemed necessary. I have my pre-op on 10th, and hope to have an op date then - I was told at my last appt that surgery would be within 3-4 weeks, so it must be soon.

It IS frightening, and I have moments when I feel utterly alone in my own head - despite having a house full of family, and huge support from friends and workmates - when this is happening to you, all the love and kind words from people around us don’t mean as much as words from someone else who is also going through it. This forum has been a mind-saver for me over the last week or two, everyone has been so wonderful and supportive, and I hope you find this community as positive as I have.

Just being able to say what is on your mind without fear of upsetting those around you is a huge relief, and very cathartic. I wish you all the very best on your bc journey, hang on in there - together we can all get through whatever bc throws at us.

xx Sophie xx


your feeling all the emotions most of us pink ladies do. its all a mix of up’s n downs.
i wondered if id find the fight in me to beat this, and i have, u will. we all do, we have no choice. its poo wats happening, but take the support u can, and this forum has kept me sane since my dx on 20th sept. cemo starts 2 weeks xx
good luk xx ur not alone x

Hi springblossom. Sorry you have had to find us, but glad that you have. We all know just how you feel. At the start the fear can be overwhelming, but roll with it, it is completely natural. If you are not being lined up for chemo as well, you must be in an excellent prognosis category? The treatment itself, well I had a lumpectomy (managed to get in and out of hospital the same day but it was because of bed shortage, I don’t think it’s recommended!). This was followed by chemo ( which was not as bad as I anticipated but it sounds like you don’t need to know this). Then I had 6 weeks radiotherapy which finished on Friday! The worst bit of that was the nuisance of getting to hospital every single day, and not knowing how long you would be waiting, so gather up lots of good books. I am a bit tired now, though not as much as I had been warned about, think I have been lucky in this respect, but there is nothing the that you can’t cope with.

So once you get your head around the fact that it is all happening, it will be fine, that was my biggest stumbling block. I still can’t quite believe it (I am 46 and had no risk factors) but the dominant emotion now is more amazement than fear. Yes I get the odd moment of acute anxiety but who doesn’t? What’s round the corner in anyone’s life?

Be very kind to yourself, and feel free talk about it, I found that helped me personally a lot, and people generally wanted to listen. I would prefer that than to be avoided by people who didn’t know what to say to me, and I also think raising awareness will save lives. But everyone’s different, I know a lot of girls would rather say nothing.

Above all don’t panic! This is very doable. Keep in touch and let us know how you are getting on.


hi spring blossom

i noticed from your post that you live in Hornchurch Essex, i too live in that area and am being treated at Queens/Victoria. I was diagnosed in July and am just recovering from my second bout of surgery, awaiting results at present. Just to let you know, although i have never been informed by the bcn nurse of the support group, i noticed that they meet once a month and they have people you can discuss issues with and guest speakers. I believe there is a meeting coming up in early November, the staff at Victoria would be able to tell you exactly when. i hope this is helpful.

i can understand your anxiety, it is hard if you have been so in control of your life for it to go out of control and even for a short while be in the hands of other people, and i can only tell you form my own experience the anxiety can sometimes be completely irrational, but it does pass or become manageble and sometime the fear of the unknown is worse then what is actually happening. this community forum has really helped me, i have read about other people’s experiences and you quickly realise that here there are people who can advise you, educate you and comfort you and be strong for you. i hope that things will go well for you

virtual hug for you :slight_smile:

hi everyone that has posted such inspiring comments. you are all true lovely brave ladies. i am feeling the warmth of support from friends and family and that is half the battle. Yes I have my lumpectamy on the 19th at the Queens hospital. There are loads of appointments and things to remember - the head spins. I have to get my grandaughter of 11 taken care of by my sister as her mum is absent and I dont want her life to be any different - you are only young once!! Yes am dreading this month like I have never dreaded anything before but I spent a day with a lady yesterday that had done the journey 10 years ago. She was so positive and upbeat that my being almost returned to normality (if you know what I mean).

Thank god for mammograms - goodness knows what I formothers went through before.

Keep me posted everyone xx

hi Springblossom,

Glad to hear you’ve been getting some support, especially talking to someone who went through it. The whole thing is bewildering. I was dx on 17th Sep and have been on this site asking some probably very daft and basic questions. Someone has always given a helpful and friendly reply.

I was talking to my mum and dad on the phone yesterday and they were being supportive but my dad said at one point that all this is totally outside their realm of experience. I think he felt bad that he didn’t know how chemotherapy works etc. But none of our family has had cancer of any type going back at least 3 generations, so there is no reason they would know. To be honest, I’d rather they could enjoy their retirement in peace without worrying about me. I know they are better able to cope than your 11 year old granddaughter but hopefully she will make your days resting after the op more interesting when she gets in with all the news from school.

hi notsgirl

yes we do have to protect our elderly. lets face it in times gone by there were no tests for anything like this and people supposedly died of old age or heart failure. thanks to todays technology and medical science this is not the case. in other words who knows if there was cancer in our families when their were no mammograms and cervical screening and also prostrate blood tests for men. Take good care and im am thinking about all of those lovely ladies goind through the same thing as me. God Bless

Hi Springblossom
I live in colchester, there are quite a few essex girls on here.I know there’s a group in Chelmsford who meet - is this too far for you? Which hospital are you being treated at?
It may not seem like it at the moment, but you will get through this - and we’re all with you

nc xx

The original post described my feelings exactly. I’m 45, no history of BC, diagnosed with 9.4mm IBCtumour on 7/10 had surgery (WLE and SLNB) 22/10. Final results and treatment plan this Thursday 4/11. Been reading posts since diagnosis and am astounded by how positive people are able to be and how many “young” women are diagnosed. Still in shock that it’s happening to me. Attending funeral this Friday of best friend’s husband who died of a brain tumour diagnosed 18 months ago…I’d been focussing on supporting her having to nurse him thro’ surgery/chemo/and the inevitable ending…and now it’s me that needs the support. Scared, angry (and more upset about the thought of losing my hair thro’ chemo than I know I should be)…always used to say “things happen for a reason”…but am struggling on this one

hi Sebflite

Everyone i speak to knows or has had bc. i am not familiar with the dxs yet and what they mean. im not sure i want to know. i have spoken to a lady the other day that has had a masectomy and reconstruction ten years ago. She looks so fit and full of life. You need positive thoughts. My lovely GP said to me that go for the treatment, live your life as you always do, and carry on in the same way after. We are all a little scared, who wouldnt be? But for us at the moment this is part of our life. Will be sending you positive thoughts. xx

Sebflyte (Brideshead Revisited?? Trying to trawl my memory for where Sebastian Flyte came from - do I get a prize?!)

Anyhow, back on topic - I just wanted to say hello, and to be kind to yourself - don’t compare how you feel to how anyone else does - there is no right or wrong to how we react and how we learn to cope - and we all do learn to cope, and to laugh, and to live our lives - whatever they turn into, however they pan out… and you will find ‘your’ way. We’ll be here, cheering you on.

Having spent so much time supporting your friend, and her husband, through their own trauma, it’s not surprising that you feel scared and angry - it isn’t fair. Life just sucks sometimes. I’m not sure things happen for a reason - for me, things just happen sometimes. If we can build a moral case about it after - great - but for now, let’s just deal with the hand we’ve been played, ok? And who knows - maybe we’ll come to a new appreciation of baldness being sexy… tho I’m going to be SO upset if I don’t suddenly transform into Sinead O’Connor when/if my hair falls out…

Hold tight hun, and scream/rant/cry when you need to. The laughter will be waiting for when you least expect it, and most need it. You’ve made a friend in me, anyhow, cos I’m including myself in your ‘young’ women comment - and I’d never thought that at 41 I’d be classed as ‘young’ in any company…

Take care, and I’ll be thinking of you on Thursday.

Sophie xxxx

i am living on my own with three kids with chemo pending - i also have appoitment with oncologist to tell me what, where and when tomorrow (4 nov) Very very scared - life tipped upside down and atmosphere in our house very sad and tense. Lots of kind words and thoughts on this site - as one of you said “sorry we had to meet this way” but glad i have found you all!!.

Little angel - hoping the appt. goes well, and the onc. can calm some of your fears, and help you move forward through this.

How old are your children? It’s a very difficult time for all of you - but the best I can suggest is to keep talking… and come on here to let out the feelings you can’t share at home.

Thinking of you and sending hugs and warm wishes your way.

Sophie xx