Diagnosed two days ago but it all feels unreal

I was diagnosed two days ago. I have been up and down emotionally but everything now seems unreal.  I am awaiting HER2 results to decide chemo or the op o have been booked in for.  I am 44 but since telling people I am amazed how many people have also had it well before the age to be called up for a mammogram.


I am laying in bed running things around and around in my head to the extent that sleep is impossible.  I don’t really have a question to ask at the moment as it all feels unreal at 5he moment. I am waiting for it to hit me!  I just felt the need to reach out to others in the same boat xxx


Hi Lynseyanne, welcome to the forum ?

Im sorry you’ve had to join us but hope you will find the help and support you will get here from others going through or having been through what you are right now a comfort , we have ladies at all the various stages of diagnosis, treatment and those many years beyond so there’s not much we can’t help with! 


These early days are surreal and your waiting for someone to tell you thats its all been a big mistake, everything sounds like a foreign language at the minute but you will soon get to grips with all the terminology.


You do feel initially like you are the only one going through this but as you’ve found it affects so many people and often those we know but they just don’t broadcast it, I’ve plenty of family and friends who still don’t know I had BC even 3 years on! 


Sleep will be elusive for a while but once you have all your results back and a definite treatment plan things get a whole lot easier to deal with, I think most of us would say that’s the moment when things start to pick up in terms of our mental state as up to that point there is still so much speculation about what’s going to happen and that really does frazzle your brain! 


I was 46 upon diagnosis 3 years ago and can tell you that however impossible it may seem right now you do get through it and life does return to normal Xx Jo 







Dear Lynseyanne


The Breast Cancer Club is a horrible one to be in, especially in the very early days. At 3.55 in the morning, everything is much much worse than the reality. Whatever emotions course through your head, they are all quite natural and normal in your situation, and you are not alone.


The waiting game is one of the most difficult parts. Have you a cancer nurse assigned to you? She can give you booklets to read by Breast Cancer Care which provide comprehensive information and will give you a greater sense of control over what is happening to you. The nurse can also give you contact numbers for people to talk to, if that will help.


We are all different and not everyone finds the same things helpful. As I tend to wake up very early sometimes and cannot sleep, I have downloaded interesting programmes from the BBC onto iPlayer on my computer, so I can watch them at leisure at 4.00 am. It’s easy to access them, and as my concentration wanders a great deal, I can keep back-tracking over bits I’ve missed and so, again, feel more in command of my situation. Music helps, as talking things through, quietly, with my cats; they really do seem to understand. 


It’s 5 weeks since I was diagnosed. The tumour and axillary lymph nodes were removed last week. Next Wednesday I see the surgeon again for the lab reports and the Multi Disciplinary Team’s advice on treatments. I am gradually getting used to the waiting strain as bits of the jig saw fall into place. The more I know, the more in control I feel, as the greater is the opportunity for me to make an informed decision.


Keep talking. You are not alone.


My very best wishes.

Hi there

I was diagnosed yesterday, im only 37 snd im breastfeeding my baby, i know how you feel its awful isnt it xx

Hi Lynseanne,
I was diagnosed two days ago and had been feeling exactly the same as you, numb, like itt isn’t happening to me. Today I’m having almost panic attacks over the chemo and won’t let myself cry incase I don’t stop.
Hugs ?

Thank you for your caring response. I’m glad you said sleep gets easier as I maybe able to keep up with the lack of it but I’m not sure my husband can!!!
I have spent last few days reassuring everyone, family especially and during the day I am really positive it’s just when my brain goes into overdrive at night.
Is there a place on this forum for partners, grown up children etc to talk?

Sounds like we may go through similar times for the next few months. I have had a few good cries and now find that every now and then my eyes leak but then I’m back in control for the moment.
Have a good cry. I feel we have every right to it at the moment.
A strong person has a good cry then gets up and fights x x x

Hi greenlady. I am so sorry this has come for you at such a special time. I went through a rough time 20 years ago when my children were babies and they were what got me through. Live to you and your baby xxx

Sorry greenlady. That was meant to say love to you and your baby xxx

Thanks apple tree x
Your advice helps. At the moment I am trying to get organised as this is my way of being in control. I have lined up birthday presents and cards for the next three months and today we are digging the allotment. At least the weather is beautiful. I feel as though I have a week to cram in as much as possible xxx

Hi Lynseanne,
Yes, I think we can all relate to that ‘hour of the wolf’ feeling in the early hours of the morning, when first diagnosed.
There is this part of the forum here
for family & friends, it is usually quieter though, but do have a look. Quite a few friends & family post on the main boards here, we’re happy to talk to anyone.
As Jo says, honestly, it really does settle down once you’re through the shock of diagnosis & you know where you’re going with it all.
ann x