I was diagnosed on Wednesday with Invasive Ductal Carcinoma Grade 2 with a 35mm tumour. ER & PR were both positive 8/8 and HER2 was negative. Surgery was discussed which will be a removal of the tumour and sentinel lymph node biopsy, to be carried out as day surgery and pencilled in for the 8th October. However, while I was having the further treatments explained (15 sessions of radiotherapy, daily tablets of Tamoxifen for five years) the surgeon arrived. There had been a cancellation and she could operate on Monday, I burst into tears.
My friend, who was just amazing, told me to “Do it!!!” as the sooner I got started, the sooner the treatment would be over. Of course she was right, but the whole process has been so quick and I’ve found it very overwhelming and at times, frightening.
I had my pre-assessment yesterday and am now even more anxious as the nurse said they may keep me in overnight to monitor me (I have high blood pressure) I know I shouldn’t be anxious, I know this has to be done, but it doesn’t stop me feeling afraid.
My support network have been great, telling me not to worry, that everything will be fine, that I’m a strong person. They don’t see me at 3:00am, curled up on the floor, crying my heart out. I’m being strong for them, I don’t have the energy to be strong for me too and I hate feeling this way.
I just want this all to be over, so I can get back to being me and not this tear-stained, anxious, frightened woman.
Hi, from one tear stained, anxious woman to another . I had my op last February , so have been through all my treatments. I well remember the anxiety, the night fears and tears…but it will and does get better, I promise. What you are feeling is very normal , and you are not alone. I think you have been very brave to accept so much at such short notice . Now you have a treatment plan in place you will start to feel more in control. The first few weeks, even months, I felt that I had no control over what was happening, and this does give rise to anxiety. Get help where you can . There are massage services available normally in hospitals. Macmillan and Maggies centres offer good support, either to talk or with targeted services. Don’t forget this site, either. Only a phone call away, and loads of PDF leaflets to help at each stage of your journey. You may want to look at the one on pathology which will prepare you for results and enable you to ask informed questions of your team. Fatigue will be your enemy, so learn to pace yourself. Do not be too anxious to return to ‘normal’. You need to heal both physically and mentally, so be kind to yourself. I wish you all the very best and hope you keep in touch and let us know how you progress. ?? X
Bless you my name is Tina I have recently been told I have breast cancer in the left I’m in for biopsy results this Wednesday , please stay in touch with me maybe we could cry on each other’s shoulders x
I am starting this journey myself…Yes how frightening and I think the worst for me has been the waiting to have the first results. My diagnosis like you seems to have been very fast and coming to terms with all is probably above our normal emotional state and self preservation!
We live our lives, in most cases, oblivious to how fragile one can be, the “taking for granted our health” is often quoted until this happens…
Listen to you and your body. Don’t be afraid of leaning to your friends and family and take all the help you need; in other words, it is your time to be selfish [not in the negative way]. Think about what if it was your best friend, you would be as supportive as you possibly can. Today is your turn.
Your turn to be the centre of the attention and how lucky you are to have a great network of support.
I certainly emphasise with the tears at night…I feel most frightened when I am on my own…I guess our minds starts to wonder around places which make us panick , be frightened and feel all alone. Well this is how I feel!
You stay strong for the surgery!! The surgery will be a breeze in the park, so to speak…Look at it as if the surgery is your first step in getting rid of the cancer! Your path to normality!
I am not sure my post would help you. I was looking at posts, I guess looking myself for some virtual support or information which would give me a bit of strength and hope.
Your journey of recovery will take you to highs and lows until you find yourself again, whether this is the catalyst for a change in your life or not; as long as you are happy and healthy!!!
I wish you all the best on Monday.
Stay strong and focused
Allow yourself some your time / treat yourself
And embrace and fight this nasty little "surprise! until you defeat it completely!!
Yes, you will get back to your normal self, you are just in shock at the moment & having surgery sooner - is good, but you haven’t had time to process it yet.
No wonder your BP was up!
We’ve all had the ‘hour of the wolf’ at 3am, so please don’t be hard on yourself.
You will be fine, it will move on quite quickly, you’ll get your head round it & feel more in control.
Then before long, you’ll be through it & getting on with life again.
I’m from the April surgery thread and now the June chemo thread. I had a delayed diagnosis of invasive lobular carcinoma in January, ops in February and April (couldn’t get clear margins first time because spread of cancer was pretty large,11cms so had to go in again and also do node clearance because it was in them no had spread no further) and started chemo in June.
I would say that although it’s worrying having a quick date for treatment to start is good because all the hanging around and waiting for appointment s that goes on does your head in and is very frustrating. And, although you minds are probably going into overdrive now the surgery and treatment will likely be nowhere near as bad as you are imagining.
Good luck and ask away on any questions, pop into any of the monthly threads and pick brains if you need to. Someone will have gone through whatever issues you are having and will be able to reassure you.
Hi lootz. Sorry you have found yourself here. But this forum is a fantastic place and has turkey helped me get to where I am today. This is the first time I have been back to recently diagnosed but boy I remember my first post. As Annie says it does and it will get easier. The anxiety gremlins can be a pain is the butt, just tell them to do one. The waiting carousel is the worse part of this journey waiting for results seems like a lifetime and this is when them flippin gremlins just suddenly appear from nowhere. The surgery and the rads are nothing like we all think and fear. My advice is cherish the good days and as for the not so good days just treat them as a bit of a blip and tomorrow is going to be a good day. Talk to people, come in here have a rant as there will always be someone respond. I am 16 weeks post rads now and just and only just starting to get back to what we call our new normal. Listen to your body, don’t rush things and the best advice I am sure everybody will give and that is take one day at a time and nothing more. Easier said than done I know but it helps if you can just focus on the day in hand. You will hear those words lots of time “you will be fine” and “stay strong”. This is friends family whoever being kind and there will be times when you think to yourself “ I will scream if I hear those words again”. Treat it as words of love. You will get through this but get through it in your way and if that is to scream, shout, cry or say nothing then so be it. Your will be in the rads thread before you know it honestly. I’m still in there now 16 weeks on. Great support on here throughout every thread you join. Take care and hope all goes well for you. I will pop back to see how your getting on. I hope my recent experiences help you get through even if it’s just one day and I am 6 month down the line now.
Stay on the forum it is a wealth of help support and practical tips.
I was where you are now in August 2017, diagnosis confirmed on a Wednesday afternoon had surgery late Friday afternoon. The sooner the better in my view, the worst part of this whole business is the waiting.
I’m now 13 months on with a great short hairstyle that I love and another 7 Herceptin injections to go hit otherwise largely leading a normal life. Like someone else said, cherish the good days and ride out the bad and it’ll be done before you know it. Wishing you well xx
Hi Lootz, sorry you find yourself here. It must be such a shock this all happening so quickly. I am also having surgery on Monday, but I was given my date weeks ago and have been back at work trying to be ‘normal’.
I know it’s a huge shock, but I think the waiting is the worts part, so I would go for it if I were you. Big hugs and hopefully catch up next week when we are both through the surgery x
Hello Lootz, please don’t worry about your blood pressure they will deal with it, as you know the more you worry the worse it will get.
I went for my pre op in April and was told the surgery may not go ahead if my blood pressure wouldn’t come down, had to go the Gp on the Friday and of course it was sky high. Ended up taking it at home every hour to ‘show’ it was ok…not.
They we’re not at all worried when I went in on the Monday, the anesthetist did ask if I was worried, said no and he would not say what my reading was, high.
I stayed ted in over night which was good because I had a bleed and had to go to surgery again the next day, high blood pressure and all.
Hope all goes well and you will soon be back home and the waiting for results will happen, come on here to ask any queries, rant rage and be pleased, thinking of you ?
Just another one popping up to wish you well for Monday, your diagnosis sounds awfully similar to mine, but I had two positive lymph nodes too (they didn’t do a SNB as they already knew at least one was positive). Getting your op so soon is great as you don’t have the awful waiting brooding time, and you’ll be done and dusted later on Monday!
As the others have said, sure the BP thing will be ok, not surprised you had a high reading, I’m like that, it skyrockets when I’m nervous …which is often ?.. !