Diagnosed with BC 20th June

Hello,
I am in a state of anxiety that feels like a living nightmare.

I found a lump in my breast, just over 2 weeks ago, which was sore, and being 38yrs old, was expecting it to be a cyst. After the GP referral I went to see a doctor who scanned my breast, however you can see where my lump is just looking at my breast. I was sent for a mammogram which showed 2 lumps (grade 3 & 2) and biopsies via USS. From the initial scans I have been told my lymph nodes do not look inflammed, however, when I went back for the results on Thursday, the doc dropped the bombshell, that both lumps are cancerous, and are joined by calcifications. Now I am waiting for another biopsy of the calcifications, during a mammogram as this is the only way they can see the calficications. I can’t fully remember what I was told but I think they will also take a biopsy from the first lymph node too, to confirm whether or not it has spread to them.
I then have to wait another week for the results, and from the results a treatment plan will be decided.
I am terrified, and cannot get it out of my head that it has spread to my bones, as I have had arthritis type pain in my knee for 18 months now, which my GP gave me NSAIDS for. My back hurts too. I think I only found the lump as I have recently been trying to loose weight, 32lb since January with the help of slimming world and the gym.
How do people manage the anxiety and fear?
It has thrown everything upside down. I was at the end of my 2nd year of training to become a midwife, and the idea of not seeing my children grow up is destroying me.
I cannot escape my thoughts.
Charlotte x

Oh Charlotte, this is the worst time, waiting, not knowing, but imagining the worst. I sometimes wonder if those of us with “medical background” have it even worse, as you imagine and go through mentally all the possible scenarios! Although, with the internet, the information is right there for anybody to find if they want to!

There is no magic answer, but if it helps at all, you will find that whatever you are feeling, thinking, fearing, there will be somebody here who understands exactly what you are going through.

Anything you can find to distract your thoughts, even for a few minutes, will help. Some people find whatever helps them relax, warm baths, glass of wine!, might be helpful.

Often you do not have the full picture until they’ve done surgery (lumpectomy or mastectomy) and sentinel node biopsy etc. But once you do know exactly what the situation and have a plan of treatment you will probably start to become a bit calmer.

We’re all with you on this ride. It’s a white-knuckler for sure, so hang on!!

Hi Charlotte i feel exactly the same as you, im a staff nurse dx bc and lymph involvement get full results 1st july, finding it very hard to manage fear and anxiety, did get sleeping tabs prescribed by gp but try not to take too much incase i need them later on.
Bc nurse said take one day at a time but thats impossible right now your imagination works overtime, all i can say is that your not alone. Try gp for something to help you calm down if you think it will help. This forum has and is really helping me so stay in touch with it people have been so kind on it. Hope you have good family and friend support and off uni too, Keep in touch hun xxx

Thank you for replying!
I am trying not to think the worst but it is so hard not too.
I have amazing support. My sister and mum drove down to see me. I now live in the South East, moved from the North West 7 years ago. My partner is just a rock for me, and I have told two uni friends so far, who have been great. My partner’s mum had breast cancer 10 years ago, so she is just so wonderful to have around. She has made an appt for me to see a professor connected to the Marsden, who she is under, I see him on the 2nd July, and hopefully I will have the second biopsy results back by then. My two boy’s 15 & 13 yrs are just so positive, and my 4 yr old daughter knows nothing yet and is her happy little self.
I was already on sertraline for depression and anxiety and had recently doubled my dose, which is probably a good thing. I will think about sleeping tabs if I feel I need them. I am not sleeping great, but after a glass of wine with my family last night, and a walk in the park, I managed to relax enough for a decent sleep.

I will keep in touch, and will hopefully provide support to others on here too. xxx

I know how you feel Charlotte.

When I found my lump I was also waiting to have a hysteroscopy and biopsy. I went to the breast clinic where the consultant found another lump in the other breast. I was convinced that I had both breast and endometrial cancer. I’ve also had lots of other pains.

Had dx for breast cancer on 19th June and hysteroscopy on 20th June. Luckily the gynaecologist said everything seemed okay.

The waiting is such a rollercoaster of emotions but you are amongst people who understand. Maggie x

Originally from north west too but living in south wales, its soooo hard all this waiting not knowing, thanks for reply, hang in there, im going to have glass of wine and try and get comfortable with this attractive drain hanging under right boob!!! Stay in touch your not alone x

Dear Charlotte, have just read your post - my heart goes out to you with your fears and especially that you feel like everything has turned upside down. Especially being at the end of your 2nd year of midwife training. It’s all so frightening - somehow even harder when you’re a Mum. My own daughter only qualified as a nurse last year, and I still haven’t had the chance to tell her or her sister yet. I cannot believe how fast my own life has gone from “normal” to “roller coaster”. I had my first ever mammogram almost 3 weeks ago, only had the recall letter 10 days ago, and since then the biopsies and the results - only 16 days more to wait for the surgery (invasive ductal and lobal to be removed by lumpectomy plus sentinel nodes biopsy). I too fear that other aches and pains elsewhere (dodgy hip and knee over past 6months) might turn out to be somehow to do with BC diagnosis, all the waiting is the hardest thing. Thinking of you and all you lovely exceptional people who are members of this club no one wants to join. Virtual hugs all round xxx

HI Charlotte how are you today? x

Hi Charlotte
I too discovered my lump after weight loss. I have been going to slimming world and the gym since January and I am sure that if I hadn’t lost the weight (41 lbs) I wouldn’t have discovered my lump. It turned out that I actually have 4 lumps so am having mx on 15th. Not sure how to manage the anxiety and fear but on the positive side, without the weight loss you may not have discovered it and the effort that you have put in so far will make you much fitter and able to deal with whatever treatment you need. If you need to talk to someone please feel free to pm me. Nic

l too know how you feel. l had my first routine mammogram 5 weeks ago and it has been an emotional rollercoaster since. l am having my lumpectomy and sentinal lobes biopsy a week friday. l’m having the wire put into the lump the day before the op, is that painful? l’ve had three tumours before as a child and they’ve all been benign, so this was a shock! My thoughts are with you all. l have taken a lot of comfort from you all these last few weeks, and given me info that i didn’t know i needed!