I was diagnosed yesterday after a routine breast scan 2 weeks ago that showed a solid mass that wasnt there in my last scan 17 months ago. There measured it as 1cm in first scan but when I went for biopsy they measured it at 2.7 x 1.8 which has freaked me out. I pretty much knew the biopsy would come back positive as it was bi-rads 5 but nothing quite prepared me for the shock and fear I would feel yesterday when they told me. They don´t have the full histology report yet so we only know it is HER2-negative. I have major anxiety, feel constantly sick, cant eat a thing and just don´t know how to start processing everything and stop the dark thoughts coming into my head. My fear of what type of cancer I have and the results of my MRI are way worse that the fear I had for the past two weeks about possibly having cancer 
I have a 13 year old daughter and have lived with the fear of not being around for her since the day she was born and that was without a diagnosis, now this is multiplied by a million. I know I need to stop thinking the worse but how do people do this? I am usually a very positive person although a realist but I feel so bloody negative right now and really want to change this mindset.
Did anyone else ask their doctor to prescribe something to help with the anxiety, I feel like I keep forgetting to breathe!
I am a total control freak and have mine and everybody else´s lives planned out months in advance so this is really hard for me, I know I need to let go and just go with everything and stop thinking too far ahead but I just don´t know how to do this.
I have lumpectomy surgery scheduled for 20th obviously dependant on full biopsy report and mri results and just praying that this goes ahead and doesnt have to changed because of worse results. Literally shaking as I write this. I have read that others say it will get easier once a treatment plan is finalised and I really hope this is true.
I live in Spain and we don´t have the support nurses here that are available in the UK, I was just sent away with a diagnosis and a load of appointments for further tests so I am very grateful I have found this site xx
Hi. I am so sorry you are going through this and that the anxiety is so intense. It really is such a difficult time.
You sound very similar to me. I have always felt a certain amount of fear around leaving my children before they are adults and I am also someone who experiences anxiety.
I’m not sure I have any answers, but just want you to know you are not alone.
I am now 6 months down the line and the whole experience has brought about some positive mindset changes for me. I am working to shift some of my thought processes that result in anxiety for me.
I know that doesn’t help you at this point in time, but you will get through the anxious waiting time and you will cope (because we have no choice 
). Keep talking (or messaging on here) and take all the support you can.
Sending you love and very best wishes xx
Damn right I had somebody prescribe me something for anxiety. You’re in the worst time of all this and none of us escaped without trauma from it. Demand some help but also know that how you feel is indeed temporary. You do adjust despite the horror now and just get on it with it. Once you get a plan, regardless of what it is, a sense of control does come back and with it your sanity. Just hold on.
Rose4:heart: sorry you find yourself here, you’ve had a massive shock with diagnosis and probably feel like you e been chucked out of a plane with no parachute. Well you’ve reached out to BCN and we’re all here so we’ve got that bungi chord on you and it won’t snap take it a day at a time and step by step, you will settle into appointments and treatments and you are in control, doesn’t feel like it but you are. You can get some front buttoning pyjamas with short sleeves and also zip front cardi and bra for post surgery, pair of slides and comfy dressing gown. If you do need chemo then your teeth will need checking prior to starting or if you needs radiotherapy you will need cream - all something you can ask away on here about. I took a notebook in with my to each so and wrote my questions down before appointments and wrote their answers in at appointments (in my head it was a business meeting) do remember you are still you and still fabulous do try and keep off dr Google, you’ll send yourself into orbit (think we’ve all been guilty of doing it at diagnosis) but do read the threads and do join the threads and use as much or as little as you need, this is your safe space to ask away, rant, cry, whatever because everyone will try and reach out and help 
Shi xx
Totally understand- I will be two years from diagnosis on 8th. I have always been anxious of leaving my kids. It hasn’t gone away as I am high risk of recurrence…but it does get easier than those early days, I promise. I took proprohanol (spelling wrong) through the first few months. Once treatment starts, you are just focused on getting through and it gives you a bit of a security blanket in a way. I now still worry but can put it to one side through the day…. I think if it every morning and stay awake at night a lot (hence the late reply), but I don’t think it consumes my life the way I thought it would. I’ve had nice holidays since etc. I just find I don’t think years ahead anymore. I have also just found out I’m BRCA so surgery again next year.
It will get easier as you move through treatment and you’ll have more relaxed times. It’s just the shock at the outset. I kept waiting for someone to say they’d mixed my results up.
Good luck and just remember so many women tread this path and still see their kids grow up.
Thank you all so much for your advice and reassurance, I am really hoping this feeling improves once I get my full lab and mri reports as at the moment my head just keeps going into dark places fearing I will be triple negative or have spread. They seem confident from 2 ultrasounds that the lymphs look good so trying not to dwell too much on this but the fear just wont go away. Sadly, I have been on this cancer journey with my Dad for the past 18 months as he had advanced bladder cancer last year and had to have his bladder removed and then this year they have found another primary lung cancer which by the time they finally diagnosed it after so many delays with scans and wait times it was stage 4. I have been flying back and forth to support him and been through the trauma of being told he may only have a few weeks left, although he is very much proving the doctors wrong on that at the moment. So it is all very raw and as much as I try not to compare my situation with my Dads it is hard. As well as the worry of not being able to get back to see him if things get worse because of my treatment plan. It nevers rains it pours!!
Anyway, have been to get some over the counter stuff today to help with the panic and it has helped a bit but will go to the doctor tomorrow and ask for something a bit stronger. Have never had anxiety my whole life, its weird as I feel strangely calm on the outside but on the inside my stomach, heart and head are a total mess. Really struggling to eat too but hoping once the anxiety eases of my appetite will come back.
Thank you, it definitely helps talking about it xxx
Talk all you want. It does help especially when it’s to people that fundamentally get it. And I’m so sorry about your Dad. I lost my mom to a virulent cancer almost a decade ago and it was so bad I had tremendous PTSD that lasted for years. Luckily almost resolved when I was diagnosed so I didn’t have the stress of that added to the stress of my treatment. But in your case you’re still very much in the midst of what is now two cancer battles so be very, very kind to yourself. To echo you, yes this is an entirely different diagnosis that what your dad has with a totally different trajectory. Most people like to lump all cancers in the same box but that’s not accurate. They are different illnesses from each other with different prognoses. All have horrible treatments, all are life changing, but with all breast cancers the treatments work way more often than not. You can’t say that with all the cancers out there. Hopefully your dad will continue defying the odds and you will just be the typical breast cancer patient. But I will remind you that as much as you want to support your Dad, your own health has to take priority. He’d want that as any good parent would. If you can try to live in each moment and ask for medication if you need it. For me it was a lifesaver.
I am so sorry you are in this situation. I have similar feelings. I have two young children 5 and 8 years old. I have always worried about passing away before they are grun and have had a huge fear of a diagnosis if cancer.
I have posted my story yesterday but I basically had a shock diagnosis last Friday and am now waiting to for another mammogram, ultra sound and MRI. The waiting is giving me a level of anxiety that is like nothing I have ever experienced before.
Really sorry youve found yourself in this position. I thi k your thoughts & feelings atm are completely natural. I found the initial wait to find results & get my treatment plan the worst. Once i knew what was happening it was so mucb easier as i had something to focus on. I hope you find this too.
I was prescribed beta blockers to get me through appointments. I feel they really qork aa they ‘slow things down’ so i can take in all the information.
Wish you and your dad well x
So sorry you have to be here @rose4 but glad you have found this place. I agree with all your replies here and I can really resonate with your fears. I got my diagnosis in November and, with teenage children myself, my fears of not being around to see them grow up (which I’ve also had since the day they were born) grew to such huge proportions, they were probably 1000x worse than the threat of cancer itself!
I didn’t approach my doctor for anxiety medication but, looking back, I don’t have clue why I didn’t…I was in my own personal hell in those first few weeks following diagnosis and some anti-anxiety meds might have at least dulled that down for me! What I did do though was I tried to keep my routine ticking over (tried to make things as normal as possible for the family and me)…admittedly, I felt like I was doing most of it in a trance but I think it helped. I also drew on things I have found helpful generally in life (normally used for far less-stressful situations) but they did offer me some sense of calm: I meditated, I practised mindfulness and staying ‘present’ to distract me from all those distressing thoughts, I refused to engage with the ‘what ifs’, I took each hour as it came, I read excerpts that helped me from one of my favourite books: ‘The Untethered Soul’ to help me ‘notice’ my thoughts, without attaching myself to them…and, very importantly, I talked and I talked and I talked and I sought out help wherever I could find it…Including on this forum and, when I felt I needed to have a big cry, I did! I also (uncharacteristically) avoided googling breast cancer or my specific diagnosis at all costs…The only thing I did google was stories about cancer survival and people who’ve beaten the odds - These I found inspiring and gave me hope in my darkest moments. I will echo what everyone says too…When you get a treatment plan, it gives you back a sense of control…The best analogy (I feel) for this highly emotional experience was shared with me by a fellow BC sufferer via a forum message: ‘When you get diagnosed, it’s like being on a rollercoaster without having your seatbelt on…When you get your treatment plan, you are still on the emotional rollercoaster, but it’s like you’ve finally been strapped in.’
Thank you so much for your message. I seem to have moved on to a different head space of acceptance and positivity today, thank god cos I honestly felt like I might lose my mind. I haven´t resorted to taking the strong meds yet as the homeopathic ones seem to be doing the job. I have managed to eat 3 decent meals today, went for a walk, meditated and did all of my christmas wrapping! Tomorrow is D-day or should I say B-day and I am sure I will feel a little more anxious as my appointment isn´t until 6.30pm but I just want to know now and whatever they throw at me I am ready to kick it into touch. Thank you for all of your advice, I also am usually a google nut, have been googling my Dad´s cancer treatments etc for the past year but as soon as I got my diagnosis I have stayed well away from anything except this page. Like you I am not interested in seeing anything other than positive stories that will give me hope and faith. I cannot be dragged back into the dark place of the last week so will stick to listening to my doctors, people on here and I am also lucky to have a good friend who has had breast cancer 10 years ago with a double mastectomy who is a great source of information and inspiration.
I 100% relate to the rollercoaster analogy and look forward to getting my seatbelt on!
Thank you and I wish you all the best xxxxx
I completely get the feeling, I was also diagnosed 2 weeks ago with Triple Negative BC and being given that news was so overwhelming and shocking. All I thought about was how I tell my 15 year old son and the what ifs? I’m waiting on some further scans and biopsy and I can’t concentrate on anything whilst waiting for the results. I love the analogy of the rollercoaster with the seatbelt. I just need a plan so I can at least feel in control to some aspect.
I really hope you start to feel better soon and get the clarity to help you on your journey.
Hello everyone,
I’ve got an appointment tomorrow at 10am with the breast surgeon to receive my MRI results and my treatment plan.
I know it’s a grade 3 IDC but it’s not been confirmed if it’s to be a lumpectomy or mastectomy due to US showing no lymph nodes involved. That’s why I needed an MRI.
I’m so anxious, my BP is sky high.
I’ve been busy going to work everyday and trying to keep things as normal as possible.
I told my 2 teenage sons last week as I was a total mess keeping this from them.
They were so lovely and supportive.
I know it’s going to be a rollercoaster but I’m struggling with evenings and the fear creeps in.
Xxx
the forums here 24/7 so do post away, there are members from all over the world on here so usually you’ll find a member will reach out even if they are unable to help they will send a so you know BCN has got you xx
I have been awful with Google and it does make it worse. I have got some sleeping tablets from the GP but I have stated to get some sleep without them so I think I will see how I go. The GP did suggest some anti anxiety medication but said they would take six weeks to work. I hope I will feel better once I have spoken to the specialists again and have a treatment plan in place. I have always been rubbish with uncertainty.
Hello everyone,
I had my MRI results back today and the plan is for a lumpectomy on Monday.
My nodes are clear but will have a node biopsy during surgery.
Depending on surgery/biopsy results I will then have Radiotherapy and Chemo is a maybe in the new year.
The clinic said although my blood pressure is high they would still do surgery and would give me something to calm me down.
I feel relieved and positive that I have a plan to work towards.
One step at a time!
Xxx
That´s great news and so good that your surgery is so quick. I also got my full lab results and MRI results today with the same outcome as you, to be able to breath properly again feels amazing! They have brought my surgery date forward by a week so will now be on 13th so we should both be healed and good to go for Christmas 
I have never been so nervous as I was today, felt like I might have a heart attack in the waiting room and could have kissed my doctor when he told me my MRI was clear and we could go ahead with the lumpectomy and hopefully just radio. I am HER2 negative, ER and PR + and Ki67 10%. It is the best I could have hoped for and everyone on here is so right that once you get your full diagnosis and treatment plan everything starts to feel a lot more in control and doable. The waiting is absolute hell and the mind take us to the darkest places during that time but now I will move forward with positivity, hope and an appreciation of every single day.
Wishing you a quick recovery form surgery and a wonderful Christmas xxx
I’m really pleased you have your treatment plans #positivepants1 and #rose4, it really does help us feel more in control. How I wish for a world where everyone could get their treatment plans without delay so no one ever had to deal with the agony of the wait!
#eb13- I don’t think anyone is very good at living with uncertainty… (despite all of life being uncertain!!!) As for Google, i totally get the temptation… I’m terrible for googling everything myself (I think I googled my symptoms everyday before my diagnosis) but when diagnosed, I stopped: There was enough horrendously scary stuff going on in my head, without adding to it with the internet’s endless focus on worst case scenarios and potentially incorrect/irrelevant/out of date information…
#sammybp, I hope you get the results you are waiting for soon so your treatment can get started and you can get some control back.
Hi @positivepants1 and @rose4
So glad you both have plans now and wishing you both all the best for next week.
Joanne x
Just wanted to check in and let everyone know I had my lumpectomy on Wednesday and sentinel node biopsy was clear. Was a bit scary not knowing what I would wake up with and was happy to find I still had two nipples For anyone at the waiting stage between diagnosis and MRI results, which for me was just a horrific time, please know it does get easier once you have your full diagnosis and treatment gets under way. My mind went to some very dark places, imagining the very worst and I am usually a very positive person! I thought I might lose my mind for a bit but I found taking some calming homeopathic meds, rescue remedy drops and also Sleepeze over the counter meds from Boots really helped me get through and I didn´t have to resort to the heavy meds prescribed by my doctor.
Also for anyone waiting for their lumpectomy, the recovery from mine is going very well so far, very little pain at all although may have been a bit more sore if nodes had to be removed as well. I took arnica tablets for a couple of days before and also covered my boob in arnica cream and this may have helped. Don´t forget to buy front fastening non wired bras and also some front fastening pyjamas, I wouldn´t have even thought of this if it wasn´t for someone on here advising me.
Waiting for my full lab reports on Thursday, praying for clear margins and low risk and then move on to the next stage of treatment. But now on to enjoying Christmas
Wishing everyone the best of luck, speedy recoveries and a lovely Christmas xxx