I had a mx & LD reckon in Oct 12 & returned to work at the beginning of Jan 13. I was doing so well after the operation, but since returning to work life has been hell. I had a complaint lodged after I´d been back just 3 weeks, (somebody didn´t like the way I’d spoken to them), which has been totally thrown out, but I still had to go through the process of 2 full meetings. I’m suddenly being told that I am not performing to a high standard: I´ve always had good written reports until now.
I’m currently off ill, I was sick in work earlier on in the week. I need more surgery, but I´m so low and exhausted with it all, I just keep crying all the time. I put all my fight into the cancer, I’ve got no fight left in me. Are these feelings normal? I should be clear of cancer and get my 12 months all clear in September. I feel so guilty, I´ve put my family through enough & now we should be having a happy time, but I’m so down & upset over work of all things. I feel as if I’m being systematically forced out of my job. Are these feelings normal & has anyone else experienced this?
Loubee - is there any chance you can walk away from these silly people! Try twisting your life around and DO something you want to do in life. You deserve much much better.
But if the above is not possible (I know, I need my job - mortgage etc) what does your HR department say, re: bullying and harrassment - do they have a policy.
Stay strong you are better than them.
Georgina
hi loubee so far work have been good to me, but im only one month in. Believe me it s not you with the problem its them. If only they could walk in your shoes for one day never mind a year! I understand what you mean when you say you put all your fight into cancer and have no fight left. I feel like that now and i used to be able to tackle anything. Dont let them win you are still you ,only stronger, wiser and better than them. I know that we have to work to pay bills, live etc but after dx it dosent seem the be all and end all so jsut do your best and have lovely time with your family if people in work dont understand they really arnt worth it, but you are xx
Loubee, sounds like it’s all about expectations - high ones! Of course you’re not performing to a high standard at this stage, you will no doubt spend most of this year building yourself back up and if you manage to turn in an acceptable performance with “reasonable adjustments”, you’ll have done well.
Remember that phrase, it’s what employers are required to make for individiduals who are protected by the Equality Act for disability.
Unfortunately it’s really hard for bosses to understand how long cancer treatment & recovery takes and hard to manage when someone’s below par. My enlightened line manager suggests we view it like a maternity leave & return, which really helps us with timescale & managing other people’s expectations.
I really hope you don’t drown in the negativity of the performance management spiral. If you can possibly muster the strength I’d recommend trying to take the lead with your employer & help them with the way forward. Be honest about what you can manage at the moment, acknowledge their concerns, ask them to acknowledge your track record, tell them what you’d really like to happen and ask for their help in working out what reasonable adjustments they might be able to cope with as you build yourself back up.
The aim of the game is to turn the conversation into a constructive way forward for mutual benefit. It sounds like half the problem at the moment is they’re using the scary stick, which will undermine your feelings of self worth and cause you to channel your energy into fighting your defence in response.
Good luck, Sarah