Having one of those days. Not really broken down in despair yet, I suppose it had to happen. I absolutely hate this damn expander thing that was done after mastectomy on one side 1st may. It is so uncomfortable, looks red raw, they seem to think its ok, its just looks a mess to me, it feels like its under my arm, I detest it and I want it out and gone frankly, thats how I feel. I am mentally rejecting it? Its two weeks since lymph node removal and I am still in comstant pain. I’m sick of hearing how some people coped with paracetamol and rub your nose in it by saying how theres was just fine after a week. Whoppee doo for them.
Everyone keeps telling me ( why do people do that) that I should be pleased its only 1 / 14 nodes cancerous as that must be good, right?
If I hear another person say, well the worst is over now…I am going to tear them a new…I see the oncologist this Weds for my chemo plan, so I am told.they said its not a case of whether or not I am having chemo, its what the plan will be. Feeling completely overwhelmed.
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th theHi Horseslave,
Sorry to hear you are having such a rough time. I think your last statement says a lot “Feeling completely overwhelmed”. That is the problem, everything goes so fast and we have problems keeping up with it. We don’t have time for our mind to rationalise it all and accept it.
I had double mx on 7th May (did chemo before surgery) and if I am honest I have only really started to accept it in the last week. I buried my head in the sand, didn’t look for 4 weeks!!
People do try and be hellpful with the things they say, but if you are feeling bad then it really doesn’t help and makes you feel worse. Almost as if you are a failure because you are not up and running about.
I also have expanders in both sides, just to have one more expansion next week. I must admit I find them weird and uncomfortable. Really hard to sleep, seem to feel worse when I am lying down. I also think that at the moment they look strange, still a weird shape. Consultant says they will settle down over time.
You haven’t said if you will have it replaced with a permenant one or not? Mine will be replaced in 12 months, so I am hanging on in there thinking that they will look better!
The worst is over now - well not really the whole thing is bad, from diagnosis through all the treatment.
Just be kind to yourself, the whole thing has been a massive shock and it takes time to accept and move forward. Some people can do this quickly, others take longer.
Do you have a good BCN you can talk to, they have seen and heard it all, and I am sure talking with them would help.
Also being on here is a great help, whatever the problem, there will always be someone who has been in the same position as you.
Good luck with the rest of your journey.
x