Do I show my 2 year old daughter or not?

Hi,

I was hoping for a bit of advice from you all. I am due a mastectomy on Wednesday and should hopefully be out on Saturday.

I have a 2 year old daughter who has already told nursery I have a poorly boobie as she has seen the incision and paper stitches from my surgery last week to remove a lump.

The thing is, do I show her the scar (when it looks okay that is) or not? Do I tell her I have a poorly boobie? I don’t know what to do. She is very on the ball and I just don’t know what is the best for her. When I had my first op in Oct 06 she was only a baby so I got away with it but I can imagine her telling the world that mummy has one boobie, an example is we have been to the pub today for lunch and she told everyone loudly I had hurt my bum lol (I scratched it on some drawers, don’t ask!).

I have baths every week with her and she is going to wonder why I am not getting in!

I would be grateful for any suggestions of what is best for daughter. Should I be honest and upfront and share everything from her or will I scare her. I haven’t a clue what the scar will look like as it has happened so fast, only found out this week. Alll I have been told is that I am going to have a high scar as the recurence has come back quite high up.

Best wishes and hugs to you all.

Mandy xxx

Hi Mandy - Very best of luck to you when you have your op. I am sure you will have lots of replies from others who have been in this situation. My only input would be to say that children are incredibly accepting. Your little one won’t care less what you look like. All that matters to her is that you love her and are there for her. When you are upset or down she’s bound to pick up on that, but as to what your body looks like I am sure she will be really accepting, with just a passing interest. Children are amazing, they just accept what’s going on (especially one so young), and what’s normal for you will be normal for her. I think what I’m saying is if somehow it’s no big deal to you (however you feel inside), then it will be just the same for her, and she will still be delighted to pop in the bath with you. As to what she tells the world about your body that I don’t know, might have to have a few ready responses for that one! Hope you are getting lots of support, and do let us know how you get on. Honesty now with your daughter will make everything so much easier as the time goes on. Good luck. Hugs. Sarah x

Hi Mandy

I had my mastectomy only last week and as I was visited within 48 hours by my children (3 and 6) they wanted to look at the stiches. Up to that point my two knew I had a bug in my boob (helped by showing the bruises from the core biopsy!). I had chemo which I described as medicine stronger than Calpol which made mummy tired and poorly.

After 4 days they visited again and this time I let them have a look although I still wasn’t able to myself. I told my youngest that God wanted my boob to feed the babies that go to heaven (just prior to my op he was interested in how mummies feed their babies from their boobs). They both have accepted it as something normal and only once did my oldest say that I looked weird (I was at home all day in my pyjamas without the temp. softie I had been given).

Children can be very accepting of any situation they are in. Mummy only having one boob will be the norm for your daughter and continuing to bath with her (after the soreness has gone) she will love simply because you are there with her.

I wish you all the best with your op and use the support available as it may take a little while to get used to

Love

Caroline x

Reading this thread has just reminded me that my grandmother only had one breast. When I was a child I saw her without clothes several times and after asking the question as to why she only had one boobie I never gave it another thought. It was just my nan.

I have had a reconstruction with an implant no nipple reconstruction as yet but my 2 boys have both seen it and again they now take no notice. Children are remarkably resilient and just accept things as the norm.

Love
Sandra

Dear Mandy

You may find it helpful to look at the Breast Cancer care booklet ‘Talking to your children about breast cancer’. You can find this at the following link:-

breastcancercare.org.uk/docs/talking_to_your_children_about_breast_cancer_0.pdf

I hope you find this useful.

Best wishes
Lucy

Hi Mandy,

I don’t have children of my own, but I’m an auntie and was a teacher of young children for years. Sandra is right when she says that children just take things in their stride. They tend to be very non-judgemental about things. You’re their mum, no matter what – to them! I would tell them things in very simplistic terms they they can associate with their little world, if they ask questions.

I always appreciated the forthrightness of children and their utter honesty. Wish we could all retain some of those child-like qualities!

Best of luck!

Jacki x

Hi Mandy

This will be me in a few months time, I have a two year old and a seven month baby

My little girl already knows that I have apoorly bbobies, and that I have special medicine down my (Hickman) line as it tastes too nasty to take on a spoon.

She’s already accepted what is happening to me so well, and I just try and answer her questions as honestly as I can.

When the time comes (nad the wound is healed enough), I will show her, and talk to her, as in my experience children are really only frightened by the things they don’t see (like spooks in the wardrobe), rather than the things they do see.

Love to you at this horrid time, Rebecca

HI thanks for all your support.

Came home yest and my daughter pipes up ’ let me see your poorly boobie then’ I showed her and she took a look and said ’ oooh it smells’ and walked off very happy. All that worry for nothing. What was funny is that the District NUrse came today and when she went I had a bath and she said ’ the lady has took it and not put it back’, what a cracker!!!

Mandyxx

awww bless her and her little comments.

I’m sure you were cheered up no end to know that your poorly boobie wiffs a bit!