Hi,
This may seem an odd question but I’ve been thinking and worrying about it all the time but have not said the words out loud I had 3 lots of surgery, invasive bc, no node involvement, radiotherapy and tamoxifen for five years. Family and friends keep saying I’m cured. I feel really stupid asking this question but if anyone can put me at ease one way or another I would be very grateful.Thank you.
The medical profession don’t use the word cured in relation to cancer, because cancer cells can hibernate in the body for many years, and then suddenly make a reappearance. What they say is that if it hasn’t progressed or reappeared after five years the chances are it won’t.
hi, After my post op results when they said they had got all my cancer out my husband said–good you are cured now. Even though i had rads and tamoxifan to come.
I explained that treatment was going on for 5 years, and he said–and then you will be cured right?
The problem with family and freinds is that they want to say posative things about any situation. You should read the thread ‘annoying but well meaning things people say’ Its there way of comforting you and making you feel ok. And we Brits do love the stiff upper lip approach.
I think the situation in my head will be that if i have not had a recurrance or spread in 5 years the statistics show that I am not much more likely than anyone my age to get cancer. So yes I am cured of this particular incident but just as likely as any other post menopausal woman who had children after 30, took the pill for far too long and had oestrogen treatment for osteoporosis and wore yellow wellies quite often to get another cancer.
I never had scans or prodded myself about, I will go for the regular check ups for the next five years, but after that—who knows how I will feel.
it is difficult to know what to say to people
im a yr into tamoxifen now and when people say so your ok now? i say at the moment
do we say i have breast cancer
had breast cancer
or im having treatment for breast cancer
but most people presume as my hair is back and im out and about now that im ok
its hard to get them to understand the tiredness and bad days that still sometimes creep up
Hi,
I suggest you read the thread’How cancer grows - biochemistry.’ there are links to two excellent articles. I’ve bumped it for you.
I printed them out to read and show interested friends.
It’s well explained in laymen’s terms about how cancer develops and spreads.
those links are for the susan love website. I have just taken delivery of her breast book, and when you plough through the sections on cells and how they devide and protect you and exactly how cancer does or does not spread its facinating.
I had to read the sections on risk and research a couple of times to get them into my head but again, facinating. Makes you look at newspaper articals in a completely new light.
if you enjoy the links you will enjoy the book, but get the 2010 edition she talks about fantastic new discoveries and new treatments and complely new ways of looking at cancer.
OAL, I read your earlier comment about why close ones talk about you being ‘cured’ and i agree but also think that they are afraid of the possibility that you might not be - my kids were 11 and 9 first time and 23 and 21 the second, and thats what they have told me when we’ve talked about it. there was also a lot of ‘you beat it before, and you can do it again’, and i also think that was about anxiety for the future. it can be annoying and upsetting, but i kind of understand where they are coming from.
it’s a hard one isn’t it - i do believe its meant well.
what an interesting thread
xxx to all
Hi everyone,
Thank you for your comments I’ve ordered Dr Susan Love’s book hopefully that will make things a little clearer. I like the “I’m having treatment for breast cancer” quote I think I’ll use that from now on! I also think it’s very difficult when everyone says great you’re cured and inside you are feeling so so scared, you are constantly tired and putting on the proverbial brave face is also b****y tiring. Please if you have any more thoughts on the above please comment, many thanks x
bump
One more thing to say about this topic (and please excuse me for getting on my hobby horse). It’s just that since getting metastatic cancer, I get very annoyed by press articles which describe such and such celebrity beating cancer, and being cured, because it underplays the reality, and promotes complacency in the general public. Consequently, when family/friends/associates talk about cure, I think we owe it to all those who are also afflicted with cancer, to explain the realities. The truth is nobody can ever say they are cured. The best anyone can say is that currently there is no evidence of activity or disease.
Hi,
Love your comments Lemongrove and don’t feel as though you’re on any “hobby horse”, you are just stating facts. As already said it’s easier for family etc to believe that because you have had operations etc that you are fine but because you have doubts and worries constantly it’s annoying that everything for everyone else is now normal again regarding the cancer, like it’s never happened therefore I find I keep my worries to myself, well I can now share on here!! It’s not that I’m dwelling on it all the time but have my moments. I have an appointment on Thurs with onc so it’s on my mind again.
Thank you for listening x
Ive had a good read through & agree with alot being said … I too dont like people using the ‘so your cured’ quote. Ive had this & the other day I got particually cross with a friend I was talking to who was asking me how I was doing, when I said Id now finished treatments he said brilliant now your all cured & can move on !! I corrected him & said NO im in remission & all I can do is hope & pray to stay that way the longer the better, he then said is this all your focusing on ? WTF grrrrrrrr & saying it was me being negative OH BOY GIVE ME STRENGTH I could feel my blood starting to boil & said 1) NO cancer patient is ever ‘cured’ 2) by continuing to enjoy life as best I can which I am doing yet realising the realities of being a cancer patient makes me ‘negative’ that just makes people with your attitude ignorant, but I can understand as until you get hit with this horrid diagnosis you cant even begin to understand. Not heard from him since lol
The way I see it is with the human body & the way it works we are all potential ticking time bombs by 2020 HALF of the population will have cancer, totally horrid thought and thats without those who are living with other life threatening illnesses such as heart desease, kidney , liver failure etc etc. We could walk out the door tomorrow & get ploughed down by a bus life is a gamble with no guarentees ( only taxes & death) < Yep all that is what we all know & all that everyone keeps reminding us yet still that word ‘CANCER’ why does it still even today put the blackest of thoughts & fears into us, I think thats why so many say what they do to us because deep down its the one thing that scares the hell out of them … “It gives me hope if I see or hear that she is ok , cured” They don’t want to hear she or He is going to die because they maybe wondering “how will I cope or will I survive ‘IF’ ever it becomes my turn ?”
hi,
really interesting comments Mekalar, I totally get the “negativity scenario”. It’s weird because it makes the person who has bc feel guilty for pointing out certain facts, it’s like you’re saying poor me and they are all thinking there’s nothing wrong with her now what’s she on about??? I asked the question in the first place because you start to doubt the things you have learned from others in the same position, many thanks for making me feel better!!! x
your very welcome sweetie its good that we have places like this to express all our thoughts & worries & know nobody will judge what we are going through only understand 
Katytc, May I go off on a tangent?
I had BC at 39. After 5 years I thought I was clear. After 10 years I thought I was doubly clear. But it resurfaced at age 49. But 12 years on and now aged 61 I am still here. My kids were 7 and 14. Do I hate the fact that I am dealing with bone mets? In some ways yes. But I am still here to enjoy life with my OH and my girls are women now. All I want is to continue to enjoy life and the fact that cancer is still with me is just a fact of life now. I am here and it is great to still be ALIVE! Hugs for those struggling. Val X
Hi,
Val, beautiful and very poignant words, the very best to you,Mekalar
thank you so much x
It has taken me a long time to get here Katytc but I remember feeling how scared you feel right now and there were few people to share it with as there was no laptop then. But the only thing I DO regret is wasting time worrying. What will be will be and you learn to deal with it as time goes by.One day at a time and you will get there. Keep well. Love Val
Just read this thread with interest. Totally agree with Meklar and Scottishlass.
To go off at another tangent… I recently heard life being described (it was on the radio) as a sexually transmitted disease that’s terminal!
I prefer to take the slightly more upbeat view that life is a risk sport.
Dx
Hi,
Much prefer yours too !!!DJ007 x
Thanks, Val. I’ve been hovering around the post-treatment dumps (seeing the BCN about the seroma that’s still there today), and you have encouraged me.
Hugs,
Cheryl