Hi there,
My name is Victoria and i’m 34 and have just found a large and sore lump in my breast. have been to the doctors but now waiting for an appointment at the hospital. As you all know the wait is agonising although my main thoughts are always whether to tell my partner and my mum. I think it seems silly to worry them unduly but at the same time not sure if I can go through this keeping it all to myself. My mum had breast cancer when she was in her early 40s i think and had a masectomy. she’s been fine since thankfully. Can anyone help with what i should do. I’m being pretty positive about it - esp as it’s been nearly over a week since i first found the lump - and trying to convince myself that it’s just a cyst or something like that. I was really worried to begin with and cried alot but as long as i’m busy i’m ok - being in the middle of my solicitors exams is certainly helping and i never thought i’d say that. The hard thing is that I don’t want them to worry (and my mum does!) or to fuss and flap around me.
HELP!
thank you. x
hi spice,
it’s your desicion at the end of the day. my mum had bc at 44 and died of it + secondries at 54. when i found my lump in the morning i thought about dealing with it on my own but my oh new something was wrong with me so that evening i told him and he came to the docs and every other appointment with me after that.
i’m glad now that i told him his support has been and still is great. he even came down to theartre with me for both op’s but and left when i got wheeled into the anesthetic room
Hi spice,
I have to agree with Vodka, it is entirely your decision who and when you tell. It was more than a week after i found my lump that i told my OH and family. He has been to every app since, i am so glad i told him because he has been my rock.
My sister had BC and 2 of my Aunts died from BC
Whatever decision you make, you will know when the time is right.
Good luck and take care
Jean xx
thank you both. i know i should but the longer it goes on the harder it is to tell. i also think that so long as I think it’s nothing the easier it is to convince myself and so no need to tell anyone. Thanks for your support. I’ll see how things go. maybe once the appointment comes through i’ll tell then.
Victoria xx
Hi Victoria, just wanted to add good luck with those exams…Margaret
I agree that it has to be your decision as to whether or no to tell ppl at this stage. I told my son (he is 18) but played it down. I also told a limited amount of ppl at work - those who needed to know basically for time off and also for transport. Once I got my dx I phoned my parents, one sister and my brother (my younger sister lives abroad so I took the easy option on that one and got my Mam to tell her)… my family are approx 200 miles away from me.
Good luck with your appointment - I will keep my fingers crossed that you are one of the 9 in the 9 out of 10 lumps are nothing to worry about. Good luck also with the exams, I’m sure they are keeping your mind occupied and not leaving you much time to dwell on things.
I think if your are in need of support, and lets face it we all are, hence we are on this site for that reason, I would tell them hunny. Its amazing how a little bit of support goes a long way and it will keep you going. If not keep coming on here and we will give you tons of support, this site has kept me going since my lump and my operation yesterday. I never thought I would get to the day of the operation, but its come and gone and I am still here coping, and I am the worst worrier ever!
I really hope it turns out to be nothing.
Lots of love Jules xxxxx
Hi Victoria
I told hardly anyone till 5 days before my op as I found it easier this way but I couldn’t have not told anyone. When you get your appt you really need someone to go with you, it can be a long and stressful day and whatever they are telling you its best to have another pair of ears there to remember what you dont.
Also you are giving yourself time to get used to what might be going on [everything crossed that nothing is], you must remeber that other people will need time to get used to it as well. I didn’t factor this in and I think it made it harder for my kids, dad and wider family cos they only had a few days before it all kicked off.
As everyone else has said it is up to you but don’t put yourself through extra stress trying to protect people from your worries, they will want to help you.
Good luck with everything and I hope the news is good.
AJxxx
Hi Victoria
I have to agree with AJ you do need somebody with you as you can’t possibly take everything in.It is a huge thing you are going through and only you know how others will cope.If your mum stresses then at least tell your partner, it may relieve some of the anxiety and you need that cuddle.
Take Care and let us know how you are getting on
Mary
xx
Hi Victoria
I told my OH when I found the change in my breast. I didnt tell any of my kids until I knew I was going to have to go into hospital. My mum and son were in Australia visiting my brother at the time so I was spared those two which did make it a bit easier as my mum is nearly 80, by the time they came back it was all over with.
This year I havent told my kids or my mum, only a couple of friends and my OH as I dont really know what is happening until I go back on 29th.
Good luck
Yvonne xx
I never told anyone for 5 months till i went for my results for the biopsy i thought i was strong but that floored me I had to tell them and you know everyones been great and I can laugh now start my chemo next week and glad i told everyone it takes the stress out of it and you know i was terrified of telling my mother (we dont always get on) but shes been my tower of strength total surprise to me this is different situstion hunni I would tell her
thank you all so much for your comments. I have now told a friend and it has been easier to be honest but i think i’ll wait until i get my appointment before I decide to tell others. It’s really helped talking to you all too. The exams looming are definitely taking my mind off of things so at least that’s one concession.
hopefully i’ll get my appointment through next week - no doubt bank holidays slow things down a little - and i’ll keep you posted.
Thanks again.
Victoria xx
spice.
take it all one step at a time and if you want to talk then there are lots of us here for you. ; )
Hi Victoria,
So glad you have told someone, good luck with the exams.
Take Care
Mary
xx
All the best victoria, we are all here to support you.
xxx
Hi all, just wanted to let you know how things went. didn’t end up telling the family. went for my clinic appointment today and then went straight for a mammogram and scan - all over in 2 hours. anyway, it appears that all is clear. apparently a blocked milk duct or something like that. anyway, thanks for being there for me. i still have to attend my appointment in two weeks to follow up and confirm but i’m feeling relieved now.
Victoria xx
Delighted to hear that you got the all clear. It’s great to hear when someone gets good news.