I’m normally very strong and positive and having had my 1st chemo last weds I feel like i’ve been knocked for six. I just don’t know what to do with myself and today I feel worse than the last few days and I thought it was gonna get better as time went by. I just feel so ill all the time, thanks to advice and posts on here I am now able to drink more (having fizzy water through a straw) and usually as day goes on I get to feel better, what on earth can we do for ourselves to make it better? And having said all this I know I’m not ‘ill’ like some people are with infections and feeling really terrible so I guess I’m just self pitying…is that even a word? I wish I hadn’t started on this and I know I should be thinkin g all the good positive things about how its killing off any ‘stray’ cells that happen to be lurking about and I know how lucky I am that this is all as a safety measure etc etc etc…but I still feel really bloody miserable.
How are you all coping with this and how are you feeling? Has anyone got any coping strategies they can share, the only thing I have found useful is distraction but even then it varies as as soon as I start something I want to stop, I seem to have lost all my balance my equalibrium and I feel very agitated. I do practise mindfulness meditation which has also really helped but haven’t been able to read or go on computer much, I guess I just need to get a grip! Even my beloved dogs are getting on my nerves following me around and sitting by me and they smell!!!
Just finished first glass of fizzy (yuck) water so thats a bonus! Gonna try a drop of tomato juice now!
Sorry for the rant!
Hi Smileybabe, yes I know how you feel:-(
I had an awful reaction to my first treatment on Weds, and it took me until yesterday to get out of bed. I couldn’t focus on anything. If I picked up a book, or tried to watch TV I felt sick, as if I was on a tiny fishing boat and everything was swaying uncontollably.
I do feel better today though… Testament that you do come through the other side.
I think I was surprised at how different people react to chemo, whilst the symptms are similar, the severity and timing seem so different for each person.
I did say to my OH, whilst vomiting on Weds night, (I would’ve screamed, but frankly didn’t have the energy) “I am NOT dong this again”. But today, now I am feeling a bit better it seems so much more doable.
I’m finding my drinks taste strange too, although I’m ok with food. I’m drinking Bottlegreen lemongrass and ginger cordial - its nice with still or sparkling water. I cannot stomach much else at the moment.
Im sending you a big (((hug))) and hoping you feel,brighter and better really soon. Xxxx
To Smileybabe,
It does get better - honestly I finished chemo about 7 weeks ago and never thought I would get through it.
I have been in hosptial with infections high temperatures and not any thing else going. I found everything had a funny taste so started using childrens toothpaste, which helped with the taste in mouth. I tried everything to drink and it changed after every chemo session.
Everything got on my nerves - people mobiles and my lap top . But in the end it was my lap top that has helped me chatting to people on here .
I was normally okay for the first two days after chemo then all the side effects kicked in . I have a brill team at the hospital in Nottingham who helped me with all my different drugs to combat side effects .
Have you spoken to your Breast Care nurse recently ?
I has such a rough time with my first four was going to stop the last two but thought onlu other 6 weeks of this horrid chemo and then on wards and up wards . My hair even started growing after my fourth chemo.
Hope things get better for you
Hugs and love to you
Rosie chin 
Hi
Do talk to your BCN or the chemo nurses. I was always asked at my chemp sessions how the SE’s had been and assured that if they were bad, they could look at more tablets to help sort them.
I was only ever a little nauseous, but even with that was advised to take an anti-sickness tablet before the chemo, to help prevent it. If you talk to someone now, you may be given some steroids to start the day before your next chemo or at least some anti-nausea drugs to take that morning before you get to the hospital.
Take care.
Hi Smileybabe,I only had one course of chemo when I was scheduled for six.I was very ill and just wanted to lay down and die.My oncologist said my chemo was precautionary and they didnt know if it was beneficial to me at all.I had decided to have the chemo because it gave me the best chance of survival.But after the 1st dose when I was really ill I asked if i could stop and my bc nurse said she was suprised when I had decided to go for it and that I would benefit more from getting on with radiotherapy ,which I did. If they had said that the chemo was beneficial to me then I would have gone through with all six doses but I never regretted ending it and touch wood I am still ok 2 years on.No-one knows whats going to happen in the future and your certainly not self pitying.Good luck with the rest of your treatment,hope they can tweak things a bit to make it more bearable for you.
best wishes,Di.x
No 2 ways about it, chemo is no walk in the park. Days 4 - 6 were always the worse for me when I felt absolutely terrible. However, by day 7,i would start to feel a bit better. This helped me cope with the rest of my chemo, knowing that I had a week of just getting through it and then it would start to lift.
I had my last chemo 4 weeks ago and as each day passes, I am feeling better.
You have To askyourself how would you feel if you got a recurrence knowing you hadn’t done everything you could to zap it?
So many women in other parts of the world don’t get the chance to moan and groan about chemo, they just don’t get it offered unless they have pots of money or hefty insurance. I would think on this when I was at my lowest and it enabled me to feel gratitude for having the opportunity to moan and groan about chemo.
Chemo is rough but its a lot better than cancer.
Good luck
Pixie x
Make sure you tell your team you are having such a rough time - most side effects can be helped a lot with the right combo of drugs - particularly sickness.
Haven’t found a drug that helps with chemo mouth yet - but take a look at the top tips, experiment, and you may find something that doesn’t taste disgusting.
Hang on in there - you will get through it.
Dx
To echo other comments, chemo is rough - BUT as Pixie says how would you feel not completing the course and then having a recurrence. Of course there are no guarantees but you stand a better chance of not having to deal with the recurrence if you complete the course.
As for side effects, you should not suffer in silence. My onc told me there is no need for sickness these days as the anti-sickness meds are excellent. I was on six different types, 3 times a day and I took them religiously, never missed a dose, hence I never felt sick. Tiredness and hair loss unfortunately, nothing you can do about that, but every other side effect has relief available so speak up.
I am now 2 years down the line and it is getting more distant as time goes by. When I think back I have to pinch myself that I came through as I had numerous infections and ended up in hospital with pneumonia at the end as my immune system was absolutely shot at, but I got through it and so will you.
SmileyBabe, sorry you had such a rough time with your first chemo. The first can sometimes be the hardest as it is such a shock. I can remember crying through the night after my first- I felt ill, but in such an abnormal way and I was scared. But, I did get through 4 tax and 4 ec.
I would agree with everything everyone has said, esp talking to your team about SE’s, and also being realistic, so give it a week before you expect to begin to feel better.
Coping - I used to give myself a ‘treat’ whenever I completed one (when I was well enough). I literally counted down the days of my 5th tax/carb on Wednesday. It can be trial and error to manage the sickness/not eating.
I wanted to ad my experience- this is my second lot of chemo as I had it before in 2009. When I saw my onc on Tuesday, he explained he was unsure if we should stop, or carry on to 6 as he said there is no evidence to suggest 4 is less effective than 6 and as a result of the SE’s and his concerns about the evidence-base, we needed to think carefully about risks/benefits of carrying on… I decided to have no 5 as I felt that I would have failed if I stopped and said that if the cancer came back, I would always think back to not having finished. I was so upset and since then, its been rally hard to think that I might be going through this and that it might be doing me more harm than good. It feels a terrible dilemma as of course want to stop. I just wanted to share this because as someone who can stop, it still does not feel very good!
As Dibs said, some people do stop, and for very good reasons. Another lady on the same chemo as me stopped when she was so ill afterwards and they said it was too risky. You know your body, if you feel really ill and this is not right, discuss it with your onc/team. Treatment decisions are complex and you should not feel you have to suffer in silence.
Good luck, Rattles, x
Hey there, so sorry you had a bad start - please please ring your chemo ward or team or your BCN - I had a rough first one and ended up much better after that - they adjusted something for me - and my friend had a bad first one - then after a week and me nagging she rang the chemo unit and it turns our she was allergic to the steroids so then they adjusted and she finished the whole 6 treatments -
so have a good long conversation with a specialist and go through all your symptoms and feelings before you decide…I also had to just distract myself, and grit my teeth and live through it - but I am now 2.5 years from diagnosis and 2 years this week since i finished chemo and so far so good…
all the best Nicola
Hi Smiley
I feel for you, it really can be cr*p. It picked up a bit for me after the first one, I don’t know why but several ladies have said the same. Talk to your team and your bcn, they can help with a lot of the gremlins, or help you decide if it’s worth continuing with.
You mention mindfulness meditation - my yoga teacher taught me a meditation practise on “Here” and “Now”… Obviously you focus on each word and what it means to you, when I was in the deepest dark and couldn’t even face the idea of one day at a time it helped me to get through. Feel free to pm me if you want me to attempt a better explanation…although I can’t promise to make much sense xx
Thanks guys for all the replies and the kind wishes, there is certainly food for thought for me to chew over. Woke up this morning feeling so much more human and have even managed to get out of the house and take the dogs for a walk this afternoon which is a vast improvement. Going back to see onc on thurs for review and will discuss it all fully then, really want to know how beneficial this is in my case although its the fear factor that makes us do it if we are lucky enough to have a choice.
Also thank you for sharing your stories I feel very honoured by all of you lovely ladies and I am so pleased for all of you who have travelled further down this long road.
Ali H - I am new to this and not sure how to pm you so if you read this could you pm me please 