I have just joined up - both the site and “the club”! … I was dignosed with breast cancer on 19/11/07 and would be grateful for some opinions of my plan …
All I know so far is that I have wait for what is left of my breast to heal and refill (it is full of liquid at the moment) and then have radiotherapy and then chemo - don’t know which sort yet.
My plan is to carry on as normal and not tell anyone other than very direct family. The reason being that my husband and I run our own business and we are very concerned that this will alienate our customers. Also, I really just can’t stand the thought of everyone asking me about it either!!! I’d rather just get on with it and the last thing I want is to talk about it all the time - only when I’m ready. This may be selfish I know. We don’t have children so no worries there.
Do you think it will be possible for me to get through the radio in the closet? from what I can gather I may have to “come out” if I need a more sever type of chemo - but if it’s not too bad I may be able to kep myself locked in all the way through.
I’m not sure whether I am trying to be positive or deluding myself … any experienced opinions would be very gratefully received.
I completely understand your feelings. When I found out I only told my close family and my boss at work. I waited until I was going to be off work before I told any colleagues.
Once the flood gates were opened - I had no problem divulging the info with any tom dick or harry. However, I work with young people and I meet them every couple of weeks, I haven’t told them yet, as I don’t want to freak them out. They have enough to deal with in their lives without worrying about me. But I wonder is it better to tell them before or after I loose my hair?
You should be able to continue fairly normally through rads, but people will know there’s something up during chemo, but you might feel ready to share things by then.
Sorry to hear your news. I found for me it was easier to talk about it but do understand that someone else may feel differently. One of my friends, has a friend who also has bc, and has dealt with it in a different way to me, I don’t think she has told work collegues and has managed it. I wore a wig when I first lost my hair and got complements on my hair do, it was that good. the only place where I didn’t tell more than 2 or 3 people was at my youngest son’s school as I didn’t want parent’s comments to come back via his friends. I think it varies, but most people always commented on how well I looked even when I was feeling really yuk. If you have to have chemo it may not affect you, not everyone reacts the same.
I don’t think you are deluding yourself, I think a part of me doesn’t really believe that I had bc. the radiotherapy didn’t have too much impact for me, it made me tired and I had to have them 5 days a week for 4 weeks which was a bit of bind, but it had to be done.
I think you have to do whatever feels right for you. I don’t think you are deluding yourself - I think you are actually being quite rational in trying to decide which would be the best option.
Following my diagnosis I tod close family only. However I had to have a mastectomy 12 days after diagnosis so had to tell peope then as I was going to be off work and needed to make arrangements with work/daughteres school etc etc.
I must admit that once people knew it seemed easier somehow - and now I am too much the other way and will talk to anyone and all about it - probably too freely dor some, who I can see withdrawing when i start lol
The treatment, whilst not the best experience in the world, is very do-able - you must go with your gut feeling, and then adjust it as necessary when you see how you are coping.
I have the opposite problem with wigs, and when it was windy I used to say to my 17 year son who is 6 foot (I can’t do metrix) with long legs that if it blew off, then he had to run off after it. I did wear hats and scarfs when it was really hot in the summer, but they can be a bit of a give away. I think it was then that the other mums realised there was something wrong with me.
I am sure the key here is that everyone is different. There is absolutely no right or wrong here, just what you feel comfortable with and how you feel you can best get through this whole time. I’m interested in how you are feeling FixBix, because sounds like I’m in for the same as you. Had WLE last week and will be having chemotherapy and radiotherapy in the new year. For better or worse I have told everyone (with the British High Commission here in Canberra and just wrote something for the newsletter as they raise so much money for cancer charities). Wanted to say a personal thank you. I feel that, for me, it is easier to be totally up front about this and I want to know that anyone can talk to me quite openly about what is happening and the treatments that I will be having. The response so far has been really really postive, I think most people feel “that could be me” and are genuinely interested in what happens. If nothing else, if in some tiny way I can help people feel just a little less fear about this cancer business, then I will be happy about that. Family and friends in UK all know too - have had too many past experiences in my life when some people knew something, some didn’t, and no one knew who knew what. Boy, what a muddle that can get! But I’m not in anyway saying that my approach is right for everyone. It’s interesting, isn’t it! Very best of luck. loveSarah
Well it’s got a bit more bizarre now … you did ask how I felt!!
I seem to be going through some sort of bonding process with the rest of my body! I was looking at my arms and legs today and feeling so grateful that they are all there !!! I would say that in the past that I have been quite critical of my appearance and now I am over the moon that I’ve got a full set (well nearly) of all the important bits …
I have just got back from an appointment with the specialist - I have had some of my results. My lymph gland is clear - I feel a bit sad that they took it out.
The lump was modular and 4 cm across and moderately aggresive but they managed to save my skin and so my boob looks pretty normal although sounds like a wave lapping on the beach when I walk. Providing that the biopsy results come back indicating that the surgeon managed to get it all out and I manage to avoid any infections then I feel like I’m home and dry - I’m very pleased indeed. I’m just so relieved it isn’t worse - probably because the lump was so big. I do have a nagging doubt about the results re: is the skin really ok but am trying to keep it in perspective.
I know I’ve got a lot ahead of me but I’m just so grateful that it’s a local problem that can be dealt with realitively easily. OK it won’t be pleasant but I can cope with that … compared to many people I feel like I’ve got a walk in the park …
I am also feeling very concious that if we were in the 1970’s -80’s I would probably have lost a breast by now and am so grateful to all those people who the specialists have effectively learned from.
In fact, bizarre as it may may sound to most people I feel so lucky today I could skip around the house …
Anyway - good luck with your test results - let me know how they go. I really hope they go well for you.
Also, to anyone else reading this who does not have a clear lymph node then you have my every sympathy and I’m sure that you will get through it as many others have before and wish you the best of luck with any treatment you are having.
Sorry it was a bit long but you are all I have to talk to!
Look after yourself and keep doing the arm exercises (got told off today)
FizBix
Hi Fiz Biz - It’s so great to read your posting and that you are feeling a lot brighter and more positive. I am sure we all go up and down a bit! I know just what you mean about appreciating the rest of your body all of a sudden. Now I’ll tell you something really bizarre, I went to a life drawing class this morning and have agreed to sit for them in a week or two (had WLE last week). I used to be so shy about taking my clothes off, and suddenly I’m celebrating because I’m benefitting from the surgery that can be done now and I feel that whatever happens, even if in the future there is more surgery, I’m still a woman, I’m still me and no one can take that away from me. Suddenly I’m so much stronger than just what I look like!
You mention that you are a bit sad because they took your lymph node away. Just to clarify, did they just take one to sample whether there was cancer there or not? If so, and it was clear as you say, then you still have dozens of lymph nodes left under your arm, and having had one removed should make no difference to you at all. That is what is so great about lymph node sampling.
Thanks for asking about me, I saw the surgeon yesterday and actually had three tumours not one, and mine is pretty aggressive (Grade III), also had vascular lymphatic invasion around the tumours. All in all it means I know I definitelyhave to have chemo before the radiotherapy, but I guess that means that at least I won’t have to agonize over weighing up the pros and cons. Do hope your results come back with clear margins, and do keep writing. Hope you find some other people who can give you a hug as well as talking to, I have found people to be so wonderfully supportive. Whatever happens please keep in touch, sounds like we are pretty much going through the same thing at the moment! Keep moving that arm! Love Sarah
meant to write yesterday but it got a bit crazy - my drain stopped working so I had an emergency dash to get it sorted out … but the good news is that they took it out … every cloud has a silver lining!!! … I hated the drain … quite happily leaking a bit now and far more confident with the arm exercises …
thanks for letting me know about the lymph nodes - VERY pleased I have more … another worry less …
CONGRAULATIONS on posing nude!!! OH MY GOD!!! couldn’t believe it … I crossed my arms and legs when I read it! … that’s what I call BRAVE … there is no way I could so that unless it was in the style of Picasso!!! … and I could personally sensor anything produced … just had a thought - will they give you a painting ? hope so …
Wishing you the very best of luck with the chemo - I will be thinking of you. When are you starting? What sort is it? What sort of support do you have at home?
The life drawing is on Friday, so may yet bottle out!!! I think the chemo will start early January, but not seeing the oncologist till next week - then all will be revealed. Have a great husband, and wonderful 18 year old daughter here with me in Australia - all other friends and family are in UK (we only came three months ago) so key board is HOT from all the e-mails! Good luck to you as well, would love to hear how you get on. Sarah x
I too was diagnosed on the 19th Nov, pretty scary experience and a roller coaster ride since, but just got my results from the surgery (I had a WLE ) yesterday and I too have clear lymph nodes, treatment is going to be rads and tamoxifan. Felt elated yesterday not too good today as I think the enormity of the experience has just hit me between the eyes.
I understand what you are saying completely. None of us would vote for this!
I am over the moon about the lymph nodes - but still don’t know what chemo I am going to be having. Quite frankly I’m not even sure which sort I would prefer! Although the hormones may be the easier option for many people I have never got on with the pill or the hormone coil so I am a bit confused … anyway - it’s not my choice is it?? So let’s see what happens.
How lucky do you feel having tamoxifan compared to the other options?
… this is my approach - may work for you - may work for me!!! … who knows …
Think the best thing to do is try and enjoy ourselves as much as possible now. Apart from the fact that my body is healing from the operation I am not considering myself to be ill - if you know what I mean. I feel 100% well in myself.
During radiotherapy (January) it seems as though the most important thing to do is get enough rest - well I can manage that one. It’s going to be a bind going every day but once I’m in the swing of it then it shouldn’t be too bad.
By the time I get to the dreaded chemo I am going to consider myself two-thirds of the way through and on the downward slope. Depending on the chemo involved there is going to be an amount of bravery required - but I’m not thinking about that now. Am trying to shed my few extra pounds now in preparation. It seems as though any changes are temporary in the long run - which is a blessing.
At the end of the day I’m trying to remember to feel privilidged that I still have a more-or-less matching pair and am likely to get through this ok. Women in other parts of the world now, or even here 30 years ago would not be anywhere near as lucky in my situation.
This is all I let myself think about. I don’t talk to anyone else about it other than this forum. That way I can be 100% focussed.
… perhaps you need to think of a plan that would work for you … but then again we are all different so this approach might be the last thing you need!
The only other thing I would say is that I have only cried once. But it was a very long get-it-all-out nose-blowing sobbing affair in private. If you haven’t balled your eyes out yet then I would recommend it - Lassie films always get me going.