Is there anyone out there who has experienced the loss of their sister? My sister who was known on here as sickly39 has recently lost her battle with bone and lung mets and it was all happened really quick. We were told in April that everything was ok and the swelling in her neck on which she had numerous biopsies a ct scan and an mri scan was just muscle tissue. 6 weeks later she found she couldn’t breathe very well so had a chest xray which came back no further tests required. 2 weeks after that she got much worse and had another xray which confirmed secondaries to bones in chest wall and lungs thus the pleural effusion. She did not ask or want to know her prognosis but in effect never really come back out of hospital until she was transferred to the local hospice 2 weeks ago. We were all under the impression she had gone to have her medication and anxiety sorted out - they had put in a drain which kept draining the fluid from her lungs. Last thursday like a bolt from the blue we were informed that she was in her final stages and she eventually died early Saturday morning. I had spent nearly every day with her since primary diagnosis looking after her and her husband and 2 young children and even though we knew there was no cure for her, lived in hope that she would have had a few more months with us. I now feel like half a person and am walking round in a haze and dont know what to do with myself. Do I cry all the time? Do I cry now and again? Do i scream and shout? Can anybody offer any words of comfort/support that will help me deal with this? Thanks Sharon x
Dear Sharon
I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your sister. On behalf of the moderators here I should like to offer our sincere condolences.
Very best wishes
Janet
BCC Moderator
Hello fedup.
I have no words of wisdom on how to get through this, just sympathy. I think your sister would have been so grateful to have you there with her through all of this. Now it is your time to get all the help and take all the time you need to work through this your own way. Take care.
“if there is ever a tomorrow when we are not together… there is something you must always remember, you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem and smarter than you think. But the most imortant thing is, even if we’re apart… I’ll allways be with you”
AA Milne- ( Winnie the pooh)
debx
Dear Sharon
I’m so very sorry to hear about the loss of your precious sister. You have clearly been a constant source of love and support to her over the years.
I haven’t lost a sister, but i have lost both parents to cancer, my mum when I was only 19. Both times I grieved differently. I have secondaries and currently have counselling. My counsellor is also a bereavement counsellor and I have started to finally come to terms with the death of my parents.
I don’t think there are any right or wrong answers here, but maybe your GP could refer you to a counsellor if that’s something you’d like to try.
I’m sure it was a great comfort to your sister to know that you will be there for her children and husband, supporting them and helping to keep her memory alive.
Rest in peace sickly39.
Love Moondog xx
I’m so sorry. I lost my mom and sister to this horrible disease. My younger sister died in 2004 and I didn’t cope well with her death. We had argued all the time when we were young but grew closer as we grew up. All she wanted to do was see her youngest child grow up. She had friends who were living with secondaries and she hoped she would have more time but her death was sudden, a reaction to some ‘emergency’ chemo they gave her. I remember Mom looking at the pretty bracelet on her wrist and saying ‘She wouldn’t have bothered putting that on if she knew what would happen today would she?’ I cried a lot and didn’t know what to do with myself. I never expected it to hit me so hard as I had already faced the death of my baby daughter and thought nothing would ever hurt me as much as that had done. The grief and pain fades over time, though, and now I think of my sister with love and even have a bit of a chuckle over some the things she used to say when she was a child. She had a very positive attitude to life and now I’m dealing with cancer myself I often think of her, even feeling a bit miffed that she and Mom had each other and have gone off and left me!
I think talking to people, whether on these forums or to friends or a counsellor is one of the best ways of getting through the very difficult time you have ahead.
Love Pauline xx
Thanks for all the kind words and Pauline you have been through such alot like me… I lost my husband to cancer at the grand old age of 32 and then another partner 4 yrs later to septicaemia and then my mum the year after (she was getting on abit at 51!!) and you just have to think what you have done wrong in life to have to suffer all this grief when am only 42 now. My family just seems to be gettin smaller and smaller. the thing with this disease is watchin your loved one suffer and wishing you could do something to make it all go away. I found my sisters journal today in which she would write to our mum about her feelings and how she felt (think a counsellor suggested it) and she had put that she couldn’t believe that she was putting our shaz through it all again. Well I just cried buckets reading that cos she was so concerned about how it all affected the rest of us. I got my sons great exam results today and she would have been the first person I wanted to tell and all I could do was wish she was there listening. Miss her so much.
Im sitting here at 5-45 in the morning crying buckets for you,gonna go to work all red eyed.I lost my mum,dad and aunt to cancer but cant imagine losing a child or my sister,my heart goes out to you,but time does heal and youll have wonderful memories.I think one of the main things we learn is to cherish those who are still with us,we never know whats round the corner.bless you all and RIP sickly39.
Love to all,Di.x
Hi Sharon and all others on here who have lost someone dear to them.
I too lost my lovely sister to breast cancer last year in August, just three weeks after I was diagnosed. She was 45 with two young daughters. I still cry most days but gradually the pain is getting less acute and some days I can think of her with a smile and gratitude. She was a wonderful sister who was always considered the rock of our family.
It is so hard to come to terms with and I have read of so many people who have gone through this or much worse and you realize that most people have suffered this pain. Nigella Lawson wrote in the newspaper article I read that the hardest part of her life was when her sister died in her thirties. She went on to lose her husband to cancer too and her mother too I think. I don’t know what I can say to help except that this first agonizing pain does fade. The only way out is through!
Big hugs and kind thoughts are with you!
Jan
x