Hi ladies. Hope you don’t mind me posting up quite a long message, but I’ve just got to get my feelings out somehow, and no-one else I talk to seems to understand how I feel, but I’m sure you will - at least I hope so.
I went to see my surgeon yesterday, because I thought I could feel another lump in my other breast (luckily it was nothing), and he said it was because I had lost so much weight. I lost three quarters of a stone since dx, and I only weigh 7st.4lbs, very underweight. I said I wasn’t eating because I was so worried. He said that my prognosis could not be better - grade 1, stage 1, 8mm lump, tubular, clear lymph nodes, clear margins, ER+, no chemo, just 15 rads starting on the 19th, and Tamoxifen. He even said that he did not see why I should not have a completely normal life span, and he wouldn’t have said that if it was not true. So, what’s your problem, you may be thinking?
Well, my teenage son has got himself into trouble with the law (I won’t go into details), and I feel right at rock bottom again. He has to go back to the police station tomorrow, and I know it will go to court. I feel physically sick at the thought of what might happen to him. I know he can be a little s***, but for some reason I still love him.
I’m getting everything out of proportion - convinced it will come back and spread, despite what I’ve been told, worried myself silly about the side effects of Tamoxifen, even though I know of at least two women who were fine with it. I am so depressed, and I just can not see a way out of this dark tunnel I am in at the the moment. I am sitting here right now, tears rolling down my face, looking at a banana, and wanting to eat it, but I just feel physically sick. Go on, tell me how pathetic I am. I know some ladies would give anything to have the prognosis I have got, but I a nervous wreck. I am so scared for my son, and I just don’t know which way to turn. I know there’s nothing any of you can do, I just wanted to get my feelings out to someone who would understand.
Hope you didn’t mind.