Hello everybody, this is my first post.
I was diagnosed following a routine mammogram in December, had surgery in February and start radiotherapy next week. The cancer was cut out successfully and there is no spread to lymph nodes. My logical side knows I am extremely lucky, many others would like to be in this position rather than the one they may find themselves in, so why do I not feel lucky?
I am moody, emotional and lethargic. I have wonderful friends to talk to, and I do talk to them, but they have not experienced cancer. I am having difficulty accepting this has even happened to me!
Does anybody else feel like this and do you have any advice or tips for the way forward?
Thank you
Deb
Hi Deb,
Well, firstly, its kinda of hard to process things as quickly as you are expecting. You are still in the stage of active treatment, you are still reeling with the diagnosis and still not that far from surgery. Secondly, A cancer diagnosis is a big thing, it affects people, it doesn’t matter the type of BC, or how advanced or how easy or hard to treat or the treatment plan or or or… - there are still many psychological hurdles for every individual and still many ‘what ifs’ and unknowns swirling in your head. It all feels surreal doesn’t it at times, the big ‘C’ word in combination with yourself - but given time you will work it out. So, my first tip is to give more time to allow things to progress. Moody, emotional and lethargic are certainly words that could sum up the response for many people who had a similar ‘effectively treatable’ diagnosis
I think you are expecting it to all fall into place very quickly and certainly when I was at the point you are now I was still very up-in-the-air. Even by the first anniversary of diagnosis there were still significant BC thoughts and the ‘new normal’ (as they call life after the diagnosis) was troubling at times.
I would also recommend that you consider asking your BCN to put you forward for cancer specific counselling (NHS do it) if you are struggling with the emotions surrounding the ‘experience’, it is something that can help many people. There are also courses run by BC Now, called ‘moving forwards’, aimed at people after active treatment have finished. There is a reason these are needed - because generally coming to terms with things is hard and moving forwards can be a stumbling place for many. Do consider these courses for when your treatment has ended.
x
Hello @Dogwalker123
I would agree completely with everything @Charys has said. Your situation sounds exactly like mine: small tumour picked up on my first mammogram, surgery, no spread, followed by radiotherapy which I finished in October.
I thought I was “coping” up until around 6 weeks after my surgery then fell off a cliff emotionally. I am someone who doesn’t ask for help easily (I experienced a very sad life changing event when I was 13 and my logical brain says nothing can be as bad as that), but I hadn’t met anyone who had had breast cancer at that point and thought my cancer “wasn’t serious enough” for a support group.
I was so, so wrong…it was at that point I joined this forum and contacted my local Maggie’s centre who were wonderful.
When I’m asked about my bc and treatment my response is always “physically I was very lucky as my treatment was very manageable but psychologically and mentally it was very hard” the effect a cancer diagnosis has on your mental state has no correlation to the size of the tumour or your treatment plan.
Describing it as a rollercoaster is very very accurate: you are completely out of control experiencing highs and lows but you certainly didn’t choose to buy the ticket to ride. After my treatment finished I often described it as such and it took a while for me my legs to stop wobbling!
It’s 9 months since my diagnosis and I’m now back at work, my scars are barely visible, I’m tolerating the Tamoxifen OK and I’m feeling “normal” for now at least. I’ve no doubt I will feel like I’m joining the back of the queue to (maybe) ride again when I go for my first check up mammogram in July, but I’m managing to keep that fear at bay for now.
Don’t be afraid to ask for help and joining a support group is a good way to meet other ladies who have experienced what you are experiencing: for me at the start it felt like everyone I knew “knew somebody who….” But I didn’t know anyone who had actually had BC, there are a lot more ladies out there who have had it than you perhaps realise
AM xxx
Hello Debs
I think most people who have received a diagnosis of Cancer find their emotions and feelings are all over the place and can readily identify with you. I too was diagnosed in 21st December, what a Christmas Present that was, and then left in limbo as the NHS closed more or less until January. Valentine’s Day I had my surgery, not exactly the romantic Theatre Date I expected! I see my Oncologist in Friday to discuss Radiotherapy, long delayed due to post surgery infections. It is such a shock to hear the word ‘Cancer’ in reference to yourself, it’s difficult to get your head around it. Personally I try not to compare ‘my Cancer’ to anyone elses, I need to concentrate on moving forward one day at a time, feeling lucky/unlucky is a bit like being on a see saw depending on my mood, so I’ve given up on that!
Radiotherapy can make some people feel exhausted and in a low mood, so perhaps you could use this site to join in some of the chitchat and have a few giggles with others who can truly empathise with exactly what you are experiencing and offer you some insight as to how they are coping on their ‘Roller coaster’. A new Chitchat thread has just been started up by Delly, look it up its called ‘Blue Tits’
Silver6