Don’t panic!! - I’m trying not to, in fact most of the time am not, but it’s starting to bubble.
Not sure if anyone will be able to help with this one:
I had mx&recon last week, alls well here, but it took an extra hour because they found a “fibrous mass which had attached itself to a major vein”. Although I’ve had CT, MRI and bone scan (lobular) they “werent expecting it” and it was “quite a surprise” for them. That, along with everything else, is now sitting in a lab somewhere and I get the results back on the 15th.
Now, my sensible head is saying: ‘get a grip, if youd had the mx prior to chemo you would have known this in dec’
My Other Head is shouting: OMG!! They’ve missed something! Fibrous tissue can be a form of sarcoma and being as they found a lump of it where it shouldn’t be that MUST be it, etc, etc…’
I’ve even committed the cardinal sin of Googling to see if the chemo drugs are the same for this as bc - they’re not.
I’m due rads, all tissue has been cut out but, as you might have picked up, I’m still tipping the panic scale.
Has anyone else had a surprise during their op?
Anyone had the same stuff?
Anyone?
the 15th, that almost 2 weeks away. The worry is bound to bubble up every now and again between now and then. Almost as bad as when you are waiting for the first results to find out if you have cancer or not. You tell yourself it is probably alright but then your mind shoots off and starts asking–what if??
and i know they tell you not to google, but i did its only natural–you want more information and the medics cannot tell you for a couple of weeks so you go and find out what you can.
Its this uncertainty that is the killer. Everybody says that once the facts are all on the table and the treatment plan nailed down everything is better, and I can see that. But there is still between now and then to get through.
Hopefully having written it down, will have helped, it does me. Sometimes I type out a great long post about a worry or a rant, read it through before I hit submit and then having done that find its no big deal after all and delete it.
or if I hit submit seeing it in black and white and reading all the comments help too.
Fingers crossed that this new mass will not change the outcome of the results. you never know the complication might tick another box that allows them to prescribe a more effective but more expensive treatment that would not have been available to you before–or am I grasping at straws?
That would be a worry - I think that ChoccieMuffin’s mantra of ‘breathe in, breathe out’ is applicable.
Having said that, a ‘surprise’ is better than a ‘worry’. As you’ve said, they’ve cut it all out and your scans were ok. If they were majorly concerned would they have done more node sampling?
I wish I could say something more comforting - but will send hugs instead.
SCACO - despite your excellent name you dont have to stay calm nor carry on as normal. Sending you big hugs cos sometimes they can counteract the anxiety monkey. I hope good stuff happens this week which distracts you and the result is all you would want it to be. Some time soon we’ll all meet up again for munchy lunchy with wine and frighten the staff with our ‘inspirational’ heads.
wishing you loads of good happenings and sending a spare sack of hugs
Dawn x
Yep, the “breathe in, breathe out” thing is a good one, I think I nicked it from you originally!
What GOOD things did you get from the surgeon? When you came round, what did he/she say to you (if you can remember)?
Something that has been making itself popular recently is a technique called “Mindfulness”. The point of this is to help you to acknowledge the thoughts you have and allow them to be there. I’m not explaining it very well but if you’re interested, here’s the least “mumbo-jumbo” description of what it is. mindfulness.org.au/MINDFULNESS%20INSTRUCTIONS.htm
In brief, it’s “breathe in, breathe out, repeat”!
Another approach to think about:
Whatever it is, it is. Worrying about it won’t change what it is, so what’s the value in worrying?
Worrying is caused by the lack of knowledge which brings a lack of control. But if you acknowledge that you CAN’T control the results (they are what they are, even if you don’t know them yet) then it might be easier to be a bit more fatalistic about it all and just let the results get to you when they get to you. Yes, I know, so much easier said than done, but even just thinking about this and failing to dismiss all your worries might help them to be a bit less intrusive.
With that I’m not dismissing or belittling the worry in the slightest, having been climbing the walls myself on so many occasions. I suppose I’m just having a random rambling moment. (Perhaps I’ve absorbed some of the drugs the cat was on by stroking him yesterday…)
In my case, I know that sometimes fear can overtake reason, and the extent to which that happens depends on my day to day condition. If I’m feeling tired, stressed, or vulnerable then I don’t think as logically as I would on other day’s. For example last night I developed sniffles, and a bit of a cough. This morning I am perfectly OK, and realise that the sniffles had been caused by hay-fever after spending the day gardening - but last night, when I was tired, I was convinced the mets in my skull had spread to my lungs and sinuses.
I’m not saying this applies to you, because we all deal with things differently, but as you have only just had surgery, and are probably not feeling 100%, that could be a contributory factor.
hello SCACO, i’ve seen so many lovely, supportive posts from you, i hope with all the support you’ve had you are feeling a bit better.
my psychologist taught me EFT - emotional freedom technique. it looks a bit daft but its a great tool for dealing with high anxiety, something that, unfortunately, we all live with regularly now. its something that is worth googling, i’ve really found it very effective and i hope you do too. I also find the mindfulness really helpful.
hope you are soon feeling a bit better, will keep checking how you’re doing
take care, big hugs
mon
hi stay calm, am so sorry you have this added worry it would be a shock to anyone but just go day at a time and i hope the results are good ones take care x
In answer to what was said when I came round - dunno!
Next day they shared the reason for the longer surgery (unexpected mass + me being bigger inside than expected!?? Dr who is probably in residence) and also said that despite a fantastic response to chemo, in that 3 of the 4 lumps were no longer visible or able to be felt, they were still there. Not too bothered about this bit (nicer if it had all gone obviously!)
Oh - I’m very muscly too apparently (those who have met me will also be scratching their heads) and these muscles were very sensitive, twitching all over the place, which made it trickier.
Agree EFT is really useful - instructions and easy and I found them on the web - somehow the verbal links with the physical focus points and can release my tension. Listening to a yoga nedra practise also helps me and it gives a focus to each part of the body that rebalance my uncontrollable emotions as times of stress. I’m not so good with meditating as it’s not physically active enough to help me to focus but the others have helped me and might be worth a try.
