double mastectomy

Hi i was diagnosed with breast cancer in both breasts, one lump i found myself and the other on an mri scan which was deep in the muscle. I had my chemo and at the end of april had to make a decision whether to have a double mastectomy or just have one mastectomy and a lumpectomy on other side. the chemo had no effect on the one found with the mri scan so chose the double. i have found this bit after the operation very emotional and my partner has not yet seen my scars and dont know how to aproach being intimate and getting to like what i look at in the mirror. i am planning on having reconstruction but at a later date, have had enough of hospitals for the time being and have 2 young children one 3 years old and one 11 months and cant cope with the emotional termoil of not being a proper mum after my operation. i want my life back and get feeling more like my old self. any advice would be much appreciated many thanks

Bumping this

You probably won’t want to hear this because it is such a cliche - but time is the best healer of all. Everything is still very raw for you. It takes time to grow accustomed to this “new normal”. You won’t ever be the old you with your old boobs - and would you really want those old cancerbags?!

Have you let your kids see your chest? My 3 year old son thinks it is very cool that I have two red lines on my chest. He found my bra the other day and the prosthesis fell out. He came to me and said “Here you go Mamma your booby fell on my foot.” Kids are great with this stuff - they don’t think “yuk”.

I am sorry you are feeling this way and my ramblings probably haven’t helped - but don’t be too harsh on yourself. And don’t be in too much of a rush. As you say - keep away from hospitals and take time in getting your strength back and just enjoy life with your kids and family. You don’t really want to be the old you - she had cancer.
Take care.

Very funny msmolly, just love the thought of your son telling his nursery friends his mums booby fell on his foot!
children take everything in there stride, it is us that puts fear into them, so l hope you can involve your eldest in your after care, just a little at a time, they cope oh so well.
As for your husband, only you know your husband, and you know how he will cope best, with regards to seeing your scars, perhaps he is waiting for you to speak to him, obviously it has been such a traumatic time for you, perhaps he is giving you the space he thinks you need.
It has been a dreadful time for you, having one lump is stressful, but having the two and then the double mx. l had a single mx in May, and looked as soon as the op was over, and was ok with it, a few tears here and there, never be the old me again and all that, but as msmolly said they were ‘cancer bags’ so there is a new you now, and it will take time to come to terms with it. so very early days for you, and with a young baby to look after, much be so stressful, it does get easier, and the main thing is the cancer has gone. so onwards and upwards
Sandra xxx

sorry chemo today! that is my excuse anyway xxx

Hi Gil
I had a double mastectomy in February (without recons) so I know abit where you are coming from. My husband didn’t see or touch the scars for some time but we were both relieved when he had. He was worried about them being very sore and tender - he is OK with them now and likes the fact we can hug even closer… Its very early days for you and you must expect quite a see-saw of emotions, but over time you do adjust and work out what is most comfortable (mentally & practically). Although your breasts contained cancer cells, you also need to grieve their loss as they probably were really important (one way or another) in your identity for all those years before BC. You don’t switch off from all of that as quickly as we would like to think. So be very patient with yourself - acknowledge your feelings of loss & be angry if you need to, but also be very relieved that the cancer cells have been removed - as MsMolly put it so eloquently!
Best wishes

Hi Gil

I had a bilateral mx two years ago after finding a lump in the shower. I knew I was at high risk of another one because my sister had BC twice (on two separate occasions) so I was more prepared than a lot of people.

You have to trust your instinct, listen to and accept what you feel as there is no right or wrong.

I felt a very real sense of grieving and saw the psychologist at the breast unit to help me deal with it and she got me to write down my feelings. I ended up writing a long poem which was very cathartic and helped me enormously.

Please don’t be afraid of what you feel, whatever it is and whenever it is, it is perfectly valid and ok for you to feel.

I hope things settle down for you.

best wishes


hi just reading your post i was wondering if you could give me some advice please, i had mastectomy 4 weeks ago, did you suffer much pain after yours, if you did how long did it last for, what was it like and did you get any medication for it, i am in a lot of discomfort, it seemed to get better for a while, but now it feels bad again, burning, and tightness and info and advice would be greatly accepted all the best liz…