Earlier in the year I was asked to volunteer in a stress management group (breathing, meditation, yoga, etc) and it went so well that it was agreed we would all meet again to see how things were going with everyone.I liked it because it wasn’t the sort of group where people sat and spoke about BC or how they found out they had it; that was why everyone enjoyed it.
Anyway, most of us met up again and it was all going well until a lady who was there as a volunteer but who was not part of the group decided to join in with us. She had BC a few years back and unfortunately this had caused her marriage to break up, so she was attending various support groups. Whilst I could sympathise with her as she had a child to look after, she put a real damper on an otherwise pleasant afternoon and 3 of the group left early. She also managed to turn what was left of the afternoon into a bitching session about the surgeons and oncologists by saying things like they try to get away with fobbing women off with a load of crap excuses because everything comes down to funding and if they can cut bits of your treatment out they will; she was also claiming that the reason surgeons do lumpectomies is because mastectomy costs too much. Her view was everyone should be given a mastectomy because she believed it was the only chance of survival. One lady in the group has always been a bit quiet and nervous but the group helped her cope with facing things and brought her out of herself. She was telling us she has a few unexplained aches and pains at the moment and the oncs say it’s the combination of drugs she is on. This other woman tore into her and said she should be demanding scans for everything; she also said this to a woman waiting test results. Both left looking upset. I could go on as she wouldn’t give it a rest, I think it was maybe because she was talking to people who hadn’t heard her story before
I left feeling on a real downer and I have got such a lot to look forward to in the New Year with a new job and a lot of other things that are coming our way in terms of our little business. OH has had to go out tonight and I feel as if I could just put my jammies on and pull the duvet over my head. I see my GP tomorrow about being passed fit for work so I can start my job in January and all I got from this woman today was “you won’t be able to cope, you are going back too soon”. Bear in mind I have been off since my diagnosis, 14 months now and I am completely bored stuck at home now.
All the way through my treatment I have tried not to be bitter about things and have tried my hardest not to take my fears and frustrations out on others as I realise it’s also very difficult for them (I’ve been in the position of not knowing what to say to someone with cancer before). I know we have all had to put up with insensitive comments, but sometimes other BC patients can be just as bad as healthy people.
I am so sorry to read you are feeling down at the moment. Have you thought of phoning the BCC helpline? You can offload your troubles here confidentially and the staff who are either breast care nurses or trained staff with experience of breast care issues will be able to offer you help and support.
The number to ring is freephone 0808 800 6000 the lines being open Monday to Friday 9am - 5pm and Saturdays 9am - 2pm.
Hi Cherub,
You poor thing, what a truely horrendous women, obviously wanted to be the centre of attention, thats how i see it anyway.
I also feel a bit down in the dumps tonight, had a bit of a fall out with hubby over something pathetic before he went out to the pub for his once weekly meet with his mates, he is obviously out there enjoying himself and i have been sitting here crying as i hate falling out.
I also sent him a rather brutal text when things were raw, i am dreading him coming home tonight as i think i may well have hurt his feelings and he has just been so terrific at supporting and looking after me. Can’t think why I am so sensitive about everything at the moment. It has been 6 months since my mastectomy and auxillary clearance and i was fortunate enough not to have chemo or rads.
I have just started a little part time job in a shop just 10 hours a week to get me out of the house and stop me dwelling and brooding so I guess I know just how you feel about your job, i know you will find it a real joy, out there working and enjoying peoples company is a real tonic, i forget for 10 hours a week what i have been through and it has given me some normality back into my life. I belong to a support group we had our gala dinner last night but it is very breast cancer focused, you group sounds real fun or was until that lady invaded it. I do hope you get your meetings back on track, perhaps a quiet word to the lady if she comes again about the group being a non breast cancer focused group, better still you could find her somewhere that is and pass the details on to her with a 'I think this is more what you are looking for"
Well hubby has come home and apologised for being insensitive, what a relief, i must try not to take everything so personally, i never used to be like this, was known for being quite thick skinned, must try and grow it again.
Although I have just been diagnosed with secondaries in my bones (won’t go on like the tranquility wrecker you described!!) I just wanted to inspire you a little as to what you can acheive.
I was diagnosed in April 04, had chemo, then surgery (x 2) then rads. I returned to work in Oct 05 full time to a job I did not really want to do. I was completely knackered but stuck at it for a year. I then left and set up my own business and have been truly tired beyond belief but I am at last doing what I would like to do and it focussed my mind away from all the other things that try and cloud your mind at times. In that time I have continued to travel to great places as was my love before I was diagnosed.
It’s all too soon from my secondary diagnosis really but at present I am planning on carrying on my business which I love and am planning another trip overseas for 2008. I feel I am trying to have a reasonably positive outlook(under the circumstances), rather than being in denial and hope to live life as full as I am able to. Of course I am not happy clappy all the time and do have my moments of darkness and despair and floods of tears.
I think your plans for 2008 sound great and you sound very excitied about them so go ahead, grab them with both hands and enjoy the life you fought so hard to retain. There will always be a tendancy of those that love and care about you to wrap you in cotton wool to protect you and also other co-survivors who want to pee on your parade because perhaps they are too fearful to follow their dreams. Don’t let them stop you following yours.
Hope your GP has passed you fit to work, then you can spend Christmas looking forward to your new job.
Everyone is different, and what suits one will not suit another. You have to go with what feels right for you. This lady at your support group needs to understand that. If you feel ready to go back to work, then go for it.
Many of us work all through our treatment - I have, and two friend in my village have too. It depends on the job you do, and how many side effects you get from chemo. It also depends on your coping mechanism. Personally, I found going to work helped to keep me sane.
I wish you all the best, Cherub, in your new ventures in the new year.
Thanks for your comments ladies, the panic is now over and I’m pretty much back to my old self and looking forward to Christmas. At the very last session of the stress management group I was in, we were encouraged to write ourselves a letter which would be posted to us a few months later. I got mines back today and am pleased that I wrote very positive stuff, so that has also spurred me along a bit. Coupled with that we had a very successful business meeting with a local organisation this morning (when I go to my new job I will be combining it with doing some stuff for my husband’s business in my spare time and hope in the future I may be able to go f/t in the business at some point).
It just shows you though, how a very pessimistic person who harbours a lot of bitterness can send you on a real downer. I mean that in terms of life in general, not just particularly for those of us who have had a very serious diagnosis. We are having a friend who is far from home and on his own over for a nice dinner on Boxing Day as I am still the sort of person who has to think of others who are a bit less fortunate. I feel I’m lucky - I’ve got my life back (in fact, I’ve got a better one now) and things are looking good from where I am sitting.