I’m in kinda a dull mood, nothing seeming to lift my spirits and crying every 5 mins.
I’ve been told that because my cancer (primary breast in July 2007 and then secondaries bones in Sept 2007) is oestrogen fed (I am on Zoladex and Femara) that it would be dangerous to take me off this to try and stimulate my follicles… After much deliberation, we have decided to go down the egg donor and surrogate route…
I’m devastated. For as long as I have been with my hubby, I’ve had this daydream about relaxing in our bed on a Sunday morning, the sunlight coming through the window and our lovely little baby lying on the bed with us gurgling and happy… OUR baby. To be told that this will never happen because the process would undoubtedly reduce your life span by lots is just catastrophic.
We have a surrogate sorted… it’s just the egg donor situation that worries me. They prefer you to get your own, as there is a mass shortage at present. There’s been a lot of my female friends who have offered, but I don’t think most of them truly know what that entails. What if they go through all the counselling etc then freeze up at the last mminute - before that first injection of hormones? It would completely devastate me and I don’t think I would get over it.
Just feel completely downhearted by the whole thing.
I just had to reply to your post and give you a big hug. I know that doesn’t help at all though, this is hell for you.
We were trying for a second child when I was diagnosed. We already had a beautiful daughter and I’d had 3 miscarriages. Although we are so lucky to have our daughter there is barely a day that goes by when I don’t think about those wee sparks of life that we lost and wonder what our lives would have been like if we have been able to have another. Sometimes when life gets on top of me I can’t help but look at other people who have more than one child and wish it was me.
We looked at the donor eggs situation as well but quite frankly I can’t think of anyone I could ask. One thing I would say is yes it is fantastic to have your own baby naturally but to my mind it is how you bring up a child that counts and that’s what you’ll be doing with tremendous love because that child will be so precious to you. Whether the child came from you or not you will still love them the same (if not more, because they are so wanted) because the love you receive from a child is like nothing else and you can’t help but give it back.
I wish you all the luck and love in the world, take care. Feel free to PM me if you want to chat.
I agree with VB…there is something lovely about carrying your own baby but birth is no picnic! If you have a surrogate lined up would they be willing to donate eggs too?
I really hope you find a way and if people are offering to donate, give them the info and if they still want to do it bite their hand off and get the baby you really want and deserve! I would do it for my friend if they asked…i agree it doesnt look that nice but its a one off and cancer and chemo isnt very nice and we all cope with that dont we?
like veggie i was diagnosed when my son was 6 1/2 months and we’d intended on having a big family. i share the pain of looking at others with lots of children and wishing it was me and wondering what my life could have been. i am so grateful for the son i already have and know how lucky i am to have him, and can only imagine what you are feeling and i’m so sad for you. i wish i could help you in some way.
have any of your friends offered in a serious manner? if so follow it up! i understand that you want to protect yourself from the disappointment IF they were to pull out at the last minute but you won’t know unless you try…