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381

thanks both of you, actually genuinely feeling a lot better now, hope it lasts/ I think my ovaries are having a battle with the chemo about who will win this time and i am caught in the middle battleground.

Isabelle, sorry to hear your results aren’t as straightforward as you had been led to believe, its crap waiting, i feel for you.

Midge, thanks for your support as always, really appreciate your comments and putting things in perspective, its a really good point that lots of people dont post all the bad stuff ( unlike me who is ahppy to offload on everyone!) and i know objectively that not everybody writes down everything, but when you are in the thick of the emotions, you just don’t talk sense to yourself do you!

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Vickie,

Having just finished chemo and starting on rads I can look back and my worse cycles were definitely 1 and 3. I fell apart completely after both of them and had some very emotional days when I managed to upset lots of people without much effort !!

It is so very hard getting through the chemo but now that I am out the other side the memories fade very quickly.

I tried to make the best of my good days and get out and about which then made the bad days seem a bit easier to cope with.

I really hope things get better for you soon.

Take care

K x

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Hi everyone,

Hey Vickie,You are coping like we all do,sometimes we cope and sometimes we don’t. I tended not to post when I am down because I don’t feel like I can offer anyone anything, then I decided to follow my own advise and ask for help on here and as you know I was overwhelmed with the response and eventually managed to bounce back up. I’m glad you managed sports day, well done, and you have a great sister.
Divvy, you are lucky you only need reading glasses, you could always try one of thoses chains around your neck.
Isabelle, wow, a real live toy boy, when did you meet, I mean what age were you when you met ?
Sandra, no toy boys for you ? I like to dream, but I’m sure sure I would either.

My 2nd chemo was worse than number 1, it will be all part of the adventure the find out how number 3 treats me next Wednesday.
I had a measuring man today who used a new fangled computer to measure for the granite work top I am having in my kitchen. 2 hours after he left, he phoned me up because his computer thing had not worked and he had to come again 1 hours journey one way. I nearly proposed he used a hoover, but I don’t think he would have seen the funny side.
Hope everyone is OK, if not good
Love Maria

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Hi Ladies,
Oh Vickie, thought you were very quiet, a real jelly on a plate eh?
How lucky you have such a caring sister! or was it a case of “oh if l don’t go and sort her out, she will have a real tantrum” is she your older or younger sister? either way good for her.

Do you think it is because we lose our confidence? we think everyone is looking/talking about us, when in reality, they probably just want to say a kind word! but sometimes we cant stand that ‘kindness’ becomes too much for our emotions to cope with.

Childrens sportsdays/plays/assemblies, they are very emotional anyway, even before this bc they would make me cry!

Oh didn’t he do well in his sack race! bless him, l bet he was so proud.

As Midge says, not everyone wants to put their feeling on here, some find it easier to come on here when they are having ‘up’ days, but like you, me and a couple of others, that will remain nameless we come on her to vent our anger/fears/frustration/tears, which has to be good, because we understand just what you are feeling. I promise you we do not think ‘it’s that mad woman again!’

Just remember you only see what people write, whether it is they are up and about after chemo or running their homes and coping with work, sometimes those people are struggling just as much as you are, but perhaps they feel better for saying they are coping!

Can’t help with the 1 and 3 chemo, because l have only just had 1 nor with your periods!! forgotten what they were years ago!!

I walked up the road today, and thought, this is hot, hope the sun goes in soon!! so another miserable moody ‘old’ girl who is hoping for a cool summer!! see you are not the only one!

And yes it was a self obsessed bit of reading, but we will forgive you this time! don’t make a habit of it every month though!

And to anyone l have not said Hi and hope you are well, oh carol hope your chemo was ok! Vickie’s fault for being so self indulgent

Have a lovely cool evening Ladies
Sandra xxx
PS. Jumping in again Maria, l take so long… anyway l had to re read when you said you proposed to the measuring man! thought she is a quick worker, then realised you were making a suggestion rather than a proposal!! Lol!

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thanks again everyone, i am so grateful to be able to post stuff and have constructive advice as well as support, have always been a pretty open person and people tend to know all my business within a pretty short time, have often tried to be more mysterious but just doesnt happen, i tell them everything within 3 mniutes! Good job we have a balance of ladies on here!!!

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Lovely photo Isabelle, thought it was going to be of the toyboy? not that we mind you but…
Sandra xxx

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Hello Sandra,
Pleased you like the photo, I got my friend to take it today, not great but I’ve had much worse! Still have problems putting them on the site, I just load it up and keep pressing buttons and hope for the best, well at least it went on!
My OH (the toyboy) is sitting here with command of the remote controls, watching the football with his eyes closed, but he will not admit to falling asleep! I’ll be glad when the footy is over but we’ve got a few weeks to suffer it yet, he’s also a Chelsea supporter(from Cumbria) I don’t know where that came from…

How are you keeping today, have you had a good one? How are you doing with the SE’s are you getting any ? I hope not.
I’ve just been to pay for our cruise today, so I hope I get there, I’m pretty determined to, other people seem to be able to fit hols in during treatment, I’ll just have to keep my fingers crossed.

Maria, the T/B and I have been together since I was 50, wouldn’t swap him even though he is a scruffy farmer most of the time, he scrubs up ok though!!!

Hugs and Best Wishes,

Isabelle xxx

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Good evening, ladies

I had a bit of a wobble this morning-me wot doesn’t wobble! just about to set off for hospital with gigantic bottle of water and hot pack all warmed up, when I got a call to say don’t come as myWBC is too low. she put me on to the Chrities chemo nurse who confirmed that it was “way too low”. So I asked would I get the injections so she went off to ask the Onc who said no , he would decrease my dose next week.

So I was all phsyced (no idea how to spell that) up.

So now I am one week behind already!
Vicky, I can’t imagine what it would like if I had got this when my 2 were very young- it was bad enough trying to run a guest house single handed with one 7 year old & one 5 year old. I think you are allowed a few wobbles and are lucky to have a sister who is such a good support.

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Hello Carol,
Sorry to hear you’ve had such a wobbly day. It’s bad enough having to go through all of this without being stopped in your tracks when you were ready for the off! I hope all goes well on your next appointment, have a relaxing weekend, take care,

Best Wishes,

Isabelle xxx

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thankyou, Isabelle

It’s really frustrating when they tell you there is nothing you can do yourself to pump up those white cells.

Have a good weekend

Carol x

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Poor Carol,
What rubbish news! Do l take it they do not do the wbc injections? for the sake of an injection you could have had your chemo!
Well when l say that, l should wait and see if my injections work! or l will be all psyched (just moved the ‘h’) up!

OK, what have l missed you had a guest house? with two little ones?
shame you no longer have it, we could have all come and stayed with you! xxx

Isabelle, Yes we all have those photo’s that we keep tucked in the cupboard!
My OH is asleep with the remote control! l do like football but… oh yes and he is a Spurs supporter!! Well at least he lived 5 minutes from White Hart Lane! Chelsea/Cumbria, well l suppose they both begin with a ‘C’
Gosh you are brave, ready for a cruise, l would worry in case l wasn’t up for it! but if you go with the positive mind, then you will get there, Good for You!!
Hang on do you not live on a farm? who is going to feed the Cows? home alone cows!
Hugs to all
Sandra xxx
PS No real side effects that are a problem, at the moment it is a yuk taste in my mouth, and a bit of a back ache from the wbc injections. feeling of sickness went after 3 days xxx

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Hi Sandra,
Did you say the other day that they showed you how to do your own injections,are you managing that ok, I don’t know if I’d be that brave as I’d be frightened to look!!!
As for cows my son in law works on the farm so he takes over when we are away, company for the cows…

Hugs xxx

Isabelle.

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Hi Isabelle,
Well at least the cows will be looked after!
Well they don’t actually show you how to do the injections, they send you home with a dvd!! watch and learn!! well to be honest l watched it about 3 times before l did it. you get two needles a barrel with fluid in and a bottle with the wbc in, so one needle is injected into the bottle, roll it around until clear fluid, tip the bottle upside down and get the liquid back into the barrel, change the needle to a smaller one and JAB!
Really is easy
Hugs to you too
Sandra xxx

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Your very brave Sandra,
I think It’s time I went to bed now as I’ve got a hairdressers app in the morning, I look at it lately and wonder…Roll on next Wednesday!

Night, Night.

Isabelle xxx

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Yes roll on for good news for you on Wednesday,
I am off too! so sleep tight
Good Night
Sandra xxx

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Hi Ladies,
a quick late night post to say hello (or goodnight!)

Sandra, glad the SE’s are treating you well so far…don’t pull your hair!!! I keep messing with mine and end up with a handful each time:-((

Carol. what a nuisance about your wbc’s I was womdering how it worked when you only have your bloods checked the day before treatment. Maybe we should be checked mid cycle then they can boost the cells and check em again before next treatment…I will put that in the NHS suggestion box if I can find one!! Bad enough building ourselves up physically and mentally to be turned away!! Hugs for you xx

Vickie, you are like me I think…pour it all out, keep nothing a secret! I cannot ever hide my feelings, not ever. Last Sunday when we went for tea with my daughter and grandson I burst into tears at the end of the meal in the restaurant…sat there tears pouring down my face cos I knew I had to say bye the next day(crying again now writing it!!)It’s not our fault that we weren’t fitted with floodgates on our eyes (dunno who’s fault it is but its not ours) although I could make good use of some recently…will make a good replacement for eyelashes and brows…a set of gates instead. You know where I am if you want a chat (I pm’d you with details) don’t hesitate to call, anytime (I’ll cry with you!!). Your sister sounds fab, my friends are fab thank goodness cos unfortunately my sister cannot cope with the stress of me having this illness!!! so she can’t be there for me.

Izzy…hope you managed to sneak the remote control off your sleepy farmer!!

I had a busy day today…work, car MOT’d (3 weeks late cos with all this I totally for got for the first time ever that cars need an MOT!! Then garden centre and Matalan, home, tea ,bins,plants into new tubs, goldfish into new tank then fell asleep watching the goldfish!! Hence I am here once again in the late hours!! (And Vickie thinks she tells all!!)

Ok off to proper sleepime now
Hugs to all, may SE’s be banished from the dictionary for ever and have a great tomorrow
Hugs Suze xxxxxx

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Good morning, ladies

Sandra, We bought a guest house in 1983 in Bude, Cornwall-7 bedrooms evening meals and a bar. Seemed like a good idea at the time but it’s a long story-I could write a book! Had to sell up and move back in 1986 for various reasons. It was a good and bad experience.

Don’t know what the reason for no injections is unless it’s money but I will ask the question.

Suze- It would be a good idea to be tested half way through, but there must be a reason why they don’t.

Going to see my hairdresser today to ask her to trim my wig-I feel it’s too much of a Tina Turner look!

Then work for a couple of hours then peace & quiet on the allotment.

Hope everyone has a good day

Carol x

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Good morning ladies, hope your all having a stress free day, don’t know if any of you are at the hospital today, if so good luck.
Mum51, good idea to have 2 different wigs, I had two different ones, I had a blonde bob, and reddy colour shaggy type one. I thought everyone will know its a wig so I might as well have a change.
Isabelle, Love your new pic, its nice to know who we are talking to. I also have a toy boy and he is wonderful. There is 12years between us, and I don’t know what I would do with out him. He does everything for me, he cooks cleans irons, he helped me with my scar after my op. I don’t know how you others feel but I don’t feel has beautiful has I felt before my MX. I looked at myself one day, one tit, bald head, 3 stone heavier, and I thought what a mess lol but hubby says I am still beautiful, and he managed to get me a birthday card to “my beautiful wife” on the front and I cried. Don’t feel to bad at the minute, but I don’t think I feel ever feel like I did before. Every time I have a pain I think it’s come back, it is like living in fear all the time, I hope one day that fear will go, but I am not so sure.
Vickie, I can understand you getting upset, I do on special days, and even before the cancer I cried at anything children related, at my children’s and grandchildren’s Christmas
Nativity’s I sob. I remember once I was going to my daughters youngest harvest festival. I was rushing round getting ready because I had been on a night shift. I was just coming down the stairs to run for the bus and I fell from top to bottom, and I couldn’t move. I didn’t know till later that I had broke 2 ribs. Anyway I managed to pull myself together got the next bus, but when I got there the harvest thing had finished. Well my daughter took one look at me and said what on earth have you done, so I explained and said I will go to the hospital in a bit but I wanted to see Louis. So she went to see his teacher and explained what had happened, and she said they would sing there song for me. So I stood at the front of the class and these little 5 year old’s sang this song. There was tears running down my face, I think they thought I was crying because I didn’t like it lol. So Vickie you must have so many emotions going
through you at the moment, I think you are doing marvellous, coping with the cancer and looking after your very young children. I think it is good that you are open and tell everybody everything. I do the same I cant help it, one day I was on the phone and hubby came in and I was talking about my mum and dad and other family things. Anyway I came off the phone and hubby said who was that a friend, but I said no, it was the lady from the tv licence place I had ring to set up a direct debit to pay the tv licence. But he said you were talking about your mum and dad, and asking after her family, I said I know that’s just me on the phone lol so carry on being open Vicky, its good for you lol.
Midge I agree with you, we don’t always type how we feel and we should really.
Kay I know were your coming from,you do forget
after the chemo has finished. I cant remember my chemo now.
Carole, that’s awful about them cancelling, I use to have to go a Friday Morning for my blood tests, then see the oncologist and she would say if it was ok to go ahead with the chemo on the Monday. I think if your blood thing was low they gave you something and you went back and had another blood test on the Monday morning, hope yours is sorted soon.
Maria, kitchen nearly done, it sounds lovely. When I read your post about proposing I thought you were proposing
marriage lol I do hope you will feel better after your next chemo.
Sandra, I use to say to my daughter when she was younger what you mum use to say to you lol. She had two sons though, but there lovely boys. She will ring me sometimes moaning about the 17 year old’s attitude, and I say I know remember what you was like. I hate them being told off though, but I keep quiet I don’t interfere, I could though lol I saw my youngest grandson and granddaughter yesterday, I haven’t seen them for 2 weeks because they have had chicken pox. I had loads of cuddles, there going on holiday soon so I said to him will you bring me some rock back. So has they were leaving he said “were going to the seaside now to find nanna some rocks,” he thought I meat stone rock lol they are so lovely though.
Suze, you do have some late hours like me, I never think to come on the pc, I bet it helps the time go quicker, don’t you think time drags in the early hours.
Well ladies better go and do something, I am having a really dossy day today because we have a busy weekend.
Take care everyone,
Love Heather,
xxxxxxxx

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morning everyone! Well I’m still reading more than writing but a couple of you said you would like to know more about me so here goes.
I’m 51 and have a lovely partner who I have been with for eight and a half years he has his own house but tends to spend most of his time here especially since bc.I have a son who graduated last year and lives about an hour and a half away, I miss him so much although it’s 4 years since he lived at home.He came home when I had my wle for a few days to make sure I was ok.My mum has been looking after me and does not let me do housework although I told her that I am ok to do things now she insists!
Maria I had my op May 17th and results June 2nd. All this waiting around is a bit nerve wracking but trying to chill and enjoy the time at home.Got a little holiday in Wales planned end of June as we had to cancel our July abroad one,my mum,son and his girlfriend coming too.
Sandra you sound so lovely bet you are a super mum and granny!!
The wigs are sort of a ruby red colour with burbund hightlights in the long one.I have a reddish coulour on my own hair so not too different in that respect. Post a pic when I get them.
Heather your little dog looks very happy! I have a cat “Tutti” she loves me being at home she’s my little shadow.
Keep talking ladies and I’ll keep listening and talking too xx

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Hi ladies , well I don´t beleieve it , just wrote a post , pressed submit and whoosh … Gone !! Now if i was technillogically ( sorry cannot spell ! ) minded , i could proberbly twiddle a couple of things and find it again , but as I´m not , it´s just gone off into the ether . Bum !!
How anyone could think themselves wimpy , when having to deal with a household , two small lively children and BC on top of it all . No way ! You deserve a medal , much more so than stupid "celebrities " and sports people who are well over paid already .
What a year you´ve had Sandra , swine flu and BC . Next year is going to be your year ,get all this behind you .
The whole experience does do things to your emotions , and in my case to what´s left of my hormones . I´m not a weepy person , but I have been since this . When I finally got to see my family again , I was so overcome , and again when i had to go , but as soon as I got back home I booked my next flight , so I know I´m seeing them again in August , and I think our eldest son should be back from 15 months in Thailand soon , not seen him since last March , seems like a lifetime away , so much has happened .
Oh Maria , i do know what you mean about "too young ". I´m afraid anyone younger than my eldest I just would´nt feel happy with . But it´s great to fantasise and look ! Just come back from pilates this morning , and the instructor is well fit . Too young , but certainly a " feast for sore eyes " as my mother used to say .He keeps lifting his shirt to show you how to breath . Well girls , by that time I could do with my inhaler ! I´m not a pretty sight , eyes on stalks , mouth open and drooling ! Mind you , I´m not the only one in that state . It makes the discomfort of excercise woth while . I have to give it a go as I´m not only overweight , but very stiff as well . Getting up off the excercise mat I must truely resemble a stranded whale , I have to roll over onto my side , trying to stop groaning while I do it .
Well , I´m thinking of all of you , and hope you have good weekends .It´s another week over ,another week nearer the end of your treatment . love yourselves …because you ´re worth it !!

Off to the acupunturist ,
Kris