Emotional help from partner

The light is FINALLY at the end of the tunnel but the emotional side is still very up and down. The tears are never far away and seem to come at the most inappropriate time!! I look “normal”, Im at work, shopping, looking after children so to everybody else i look like ive put all this disease behind me and “moved on”. I have sat down with my OH and explained that in actual fact I spend every day worrying about what my boobs look like, I worry and have a fear of it coming back every single day that i have an ache or pain. I look at my children and now dont take it for granted that I will be there when they get married. He has asked how he can help with the emotional side of things and I really didnt know what to tell him. How have other couples coped with the emotional scars that we are left with?



Its almost 4 years since I had a mx and chemo. I am due for tram flap reconstruction soon. Like you every day I think of my breasts or lack of them. I hate how I look and am looking forward to my operation even though I know it wont be easy. I just want to look normal.
I too look outwardly to be dealing with things but inwardly I am in a turmoil. I often feel I cant burden my family anymore. Everybody seem to think the years have went by and I should have forgotten all about BC. I hope after my reconstruction I can put some sort of closure to that part of my lif

love and Take care
Carolyn x

I’m only a couple of weeks past radiotherapy but already people seem to think I should be back to normal. I think it’s only if you’ve been through it yourself that you really understand. I seem to remember a thread a few months ago about relate doing couples sessions following cancer treatment. Maybe that would help you, ad a forum to properly explain how you feel? Your husband could maybe read the dr peter Harvey article about life after treatment as that really hits the nail in thr head about how it really is. It’s on the cancer counselling website. I think what you are feeling us very normal though , don’t beat yourself up.


My husband knows me very well and he tells me that he can see what he calls “my inner struggle”. When I want to share my thoughts he listens and he doesn’t push if I don’t. No way am I back to normal and neither me or him expect to snap back “to the way things were”! X

Tors, I have printed that article from Peter Harvey so going to sit down with OH tonight and have a read. Thankyou
Tina, Your husband sounds lovely. My partner and I were only a year into our relationship when i was diagnosed so not sure he knew me well enough to know when i was crying and screaming on the inside but smiling and “brave” on the outside…but he says hes looking out for the signs now ive finally opened up to him.
I guess life will never return to the normal that we all knew before but i wonder how long you carry on feeling like your on the edge of a cliff??


Deed, I am sure over the years relationships evolve through the experiences you have as a couple. We have been married 26 years, I was 19 when we married and over the years through losing babies, sick children, and the general demands of life, you get to know the other person. My OH is lovely and I can tell him what I think, and communication is probably the key. My DX at the beginning of this year is no doubt a real challenge and who knows how we will cope in the years to come, I am still trying to make sense of it all, too. I hope you can have a good talk with your OH and you can find a way to cope together. Xxx