Hi I saw my consultant today who has confirmed that it is far more aggressive than they ever thought and the 21mm cavity shave done on valentines day was positive in every slideI’m grade 3 49 mm IDC with extensive multi focal ( or as the doc put it its gone berserk. Thus a Mx is the only option. I’m having immense difficulty coming to terms with this and am in floods of tears at the slightest thing. He has also told me that they will be keeping a very close eye on me for the next 2 years and I must also check myself very regularly too and report the slightest change or illness to them. This has spooked me immensely. My OH is amazing but I can so see the stress and worry on his face now. But also I am having so much trouble being on my own -although he is taking a lot of time off work for me at the mo- if he goes out the house I just dissolve into an emotional wreck yet at the same time I can’t stand to be with people- I’m doing a lot of on call night shifts at work so I’m not technically taking sick leave but I don’t have to mix with anyone either. I had my really long hair cut yesterday ( see my " the little princess trust" post) so I think everything is really starting to hit home now.
I made a really good friend in the clinic but (thank god!) her margins were clear no lymph node and no chemo just rads for her so I feel so so isolated made worse by my consultant saying they get very very few patients like me x
sorry for the rant. I’m just so stressed upset and emotional at the mo and my OH s shoulder is already soaking wet xxx
thankyou for reading xxx
ls
ps the Bcn who does the counselling at my hospital is bloody useless and we are on totally different wavelengths xx
I am sorry you are feeling so upset and emotional at the moment. Don’t forget as well as the support on here you can also talk things over with our helpliners. They will be open tomorrow from 10-2 and on weekdays from 9-5. The number is 0808 800 6000.
Hi Littlescoot, just sending you a huge cyberhug. I was diagnosed last July 2012 with bc and secondary bone mets too. Its all such a shock and reallytough to get your head around things. I have just finished chemo and am waiting now for my next treatment plan. I have had counselling, massages, acupuncture and my friends and family have rallied round to support me. My OH has been truly amazing…I too find it hard if he is not home…he lost his job last year so has been supporting me at home. Once you start the treatment plan things will settle down for you…I have put my trust in my consultant; not easy as I feel I have lost control of lots of parts of my life. However, now chemo is finished I feel much better and am able to get on with things. I havent worked since July, am a deputy head teacher…the onc said I maybe able to go back in next 2/3 months. Anyway cry, shout, scream…do whatever you need to to get through this difficult time. Big cyber hugs coming your way xxx Mel
Hi Littlescoot
What you are feeling at the moment… scared, isolated, tearful… are such natural emotions right now and you are amazingly brave to express your feelings so honestly and openly. your doctor has said that he will keep a close eye on you and he will do exactly that. Just take one step at a time. I can’t give you any advice re your bcn, but please call the bcc support line. I have heard so many people say how helpful they have been.
I would also recommend that you pop in to either the February Valentines thread or Marchies on the ‘Undergoing chemo’ section. i have made contact with some really lovely ladies through these threads and that has been a great support. It would also be worth asking your hospital if there are any local support groups you could join… Or take a look in the ‘in your area’ section on this site.
My OH has also been massively supportive, but I know that it is a huge drain on him, especially when I have had a bad day.
Sending you a huge virtual hug from Wiltshire.
xx
Littlescott, just adding some love and hugs to you. its all really early days, and you will find such great support on here, just keep writing what you need to and use the helplines,
I have just finished my treatment, grade 3 lumpectomy which is mild to you but i also had problems with being at home too long on my own, think about going to gp you may need some help.
You will get there, just be gentle on yourself.
amd xxx
I can only echo everything that has already been said. I am so sorry you have had this diagnosis. Once the full plan is set out for you, you will feel more in control. As has already been said, the Valentines thread is really helpful, particularly the early pages.
As everyone has already said, be kind to yourself, and remember we are allowed to cry!
Cyber hugs,
Christine xx
Hi LS,
Just wanted to send you a massive hug - when I was first diagnosed on 5th Feb, i made every effort not to be left alone with my own thoughts but as the weeks have gone on, that has got a little easier! reading so many success stories on here has helped without doubt!! i had a MX on the 21st Feb and whilst it has taken some getting my head around, i remember waking from the anaesthetic and smiling, just feeling relieved that that lump had gone out of me. i will have radiotherapy so immediate reconstruction wasn’t adviced and in truth, I think I am happier with that being my decision in my own time, once this experience is behind me. I think if I let myself think about it too much then it may get me down but I know that it had to go and in truth i think I had started to detach from it when i was black and blue from all the bopsies, it just didn’t look like part of me anymore which helped! I figure i have two choices - i can view the scar (which is tiny by the way - surgeons are so clever!!) as a reminder of how important it is to live each day or, as a reminder of part of my life that I would rather forget! if it is the latter, i will do something about it next year but for now it’s gone and that lump of cancer gone with it!!
I am now waiting to see the surgeon again in two weeks and for an appointment with an oncologist. I think I have learnt over the last few weeks to just deal with today as tomorrow will take care of itself. I certainly can’t give advice but i think for me, breaking it into chunks really helped, chunk 1 was surgery and recovery so i am resting, exercising my arm and trying to eat lots of good food! Those things are in my control and I think it is important that we retain a little bit of control where we can!!
A work colleague of mine told me of how his sister in law had grade 4 breast cancer, very aggressive but has now had the all clear 4.5 years later! I don’t know about you but stories like this help me just a little bit to have hope and believe that I/ we can and will get through this. He himself had suffered a brain tumor 7 years ago and now just lives his life for today because no-one lives with any guarantees for what tomorrow holds! One thing he did say to me was how important it was for me to TRUST, and for me this has really hit home! As a bit of a control freak by nature, i have never lived my life depending on others, now i have no choice but to trust others!! I know when it comes to chemo, my hair etc i am going to need to trust more than ever before!!
I don’t know whether my ramblings will have helped at all, but if nothing else, just want you to know that you’re not alone and I will join with all the other ladies on here to send you the biggest cyber cuddles in the world.
xxxx
