hi diagnosed with bc August 2015 surgery wle followed by 6 cycles chemo, suffering with cording, knackered veins chemo 4 so painful but now 3 weeks past chemo and think it’s all just hitting me now. due for scan and mapping in two weeks ready to start radiotherapy and then pleasure of tablets for next 5 years. finding it hard to convince myself cancer will be gone for good (not!) been lucky have not had to worry about work for past 4 months as was pretty ill with infection after 2nd chemo and never really felt well since but looking forward to getting back to work after rads possibly part time but nervous at same time. I have never cried or really taken in the enormity of what has happened to me it all happens so quickly I haven’t had time to take stock do other people feel this way. my first post as I have not really felt I could talk about this and feel pathetic that i can’t cope as I have always been the one who could solve problems take charge etc and strong it’s hard to take a back away and rely on others. x

Stop giving yourself such a hard time,this is tough emotionally and physically it is not surprising you are feel wobbly .It is a bit of a roller coaster and when things calm down that often when it hits you ,coming near to the end of treatment or finishing is emotional and quite scary.I think a lot of us are the strong ones who sort out other people’s stuff,hard to admit you are vulnerable yourself and need support.It really helps talking to people who have been through the same thing as it is hard for others to understand.Jill.

hi Jill thanks for reply and yes I know I’m being hard on myself but as you all know it is a hard and difficult situation we find ourselves in when diagnosed with cancer. I do try to be positive and for the most part succeed but there are dark Times when I struggle as I’m sure others do but I will come out of this with the support of family, friends and strangers who are only friends I have never met. thank you. judith

You will get there.May be worth speaking to G.P re antidepressants if you have a lot of down days.Get onto the April starters radiotherapy thread and get the support of others going through same,it has been a sanity saver for me to talk to people who understand over the last 9 months ,not sure how I would have coped otherwise .

Hi Judith,I was not suggesting you are depressed just that sometimes antidepressants can help you get through some difficult times.Being emotional and fearing the future are pretty normal reactions to being faced with a life threatening illness,particularly one that can reoccur.People won’t judge you here.

I’m at about the same stage as you, diagnosed in August, two surgeries and the today, finished the last T of six FEC-T, rads start on the 23rs May.


I have felt more all over the place as time has gone on, I don’t think the body being hammered by chemo helps at all. Although we’re all look forward to the end of chemo, there is still the rads to get through and the the dreaded tamoxifen or similar; 8 - 10 years of that for me!


The fear that it may return or spread is always there, I think it’s just something you have to accept, it’s completely natural if it gets you down from time to time; sometimes more than others but I do believe it time, you will become more used tho this unwelcome ‘new normal’ and less phased by the emotional ambushes!


Hang in there!


Amanda x 

Bestiekel sorry you are feeling that way. I would try counselling, which should be free at your local cancer help centre or via your GP. A lot of us on Aug/Sept chemo have found it very helpful. There is also s book called the Cancer Survivor’s Companion which has a great section on dealing with worries about it coming back. I would definitely do those two things ahead of reaching for antidepressants (no offence Jill). xx

There is a place for both Bibi.Sometimes you can be in such a dark place that you are not able to take advantage of counselling or other sources of help without the help of medication.There should be no embarrassment or stigma attached to that .It is a personal choice dependent on individual circumstances.

Good point xx

thank you girls for your kind words and support it is most appreciated. I am now feeling so much better and it was as I thought the after effects of my chemo that was making me feel down I am now I’m happy to report nearly back to my old positive self (still have little doubts but mostly good) just had fifth rads today, feeling tired and lack of strength in legs (fatigue) quite sore but bearable. had xrays every day and it’s taking more than an hour to line me up! all is good though it has to be. spending a week up north east coast with friends so nearer to hospital for treatment it’s good to laugh and laugh again. hope all is going well for everyone. x