emotions

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Hello all,

 

After reading a few replies to other people’s posts and not meaning to disturb that person’s thread I’m here asking this…

 

What do you find helpful when the emotions hit a pitch that seems unbearable?

 

I’ve seen people respond with I had a strop in a shop or a meltdown in the playground car park… how do you, please excuse me if these are not the right words, how do you calm down/recover/minutes pass from that riot of sadness or anger etc?

 

I’m varying from numb to bubbling over with sadness and fear at what has to be waded through. It was helpful to see others have had a strop etc as I don’t feel alone in these feelings. I’m clinging to the company on here. I’m still nervous of the news tomorrow and the emotional tide that will come at some point…the last few days it’s been when no one else is around. it’s oh so hard

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Hello Pineapples, I understand just what you are feeling - it’s very hard at the beginning of this journey! There are so many emotions that you will be feeling and this is perfectly normal. The waiting is by far the worst part of all of this, so things will improve for you as soon as you have a treatment plan in place. You can try lots of things to calm yourself when you’re in that bad place - deep breathing, mindfulness (where you concentrate on the world around you in that moment), have a cry - that’s fine as well. Keeping busy was my thing - ordinary everyday things or something different like going for a walk in the park or by the sea. Just somewhere a bit different to your normal routine. I promise things will seem better for you as soon as you know what your treatment will be. I was told this when I started this journey and I didn’t believe it - but it’s so true.  Also come on here and talk, rant, cry, ask questions - there will always be someone to support you and you’ll never be alone. Take care of yourself and I wish you all the best xxx

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Hi Pineapples,

 

I’ve had a few meltdowns and have come on here and wrote down all my fears.  The ladies on here would come on and support me through it all. They made me laugh and they calmed me down.  I had a bad day a couple of days ago and I am 5 weeks post mx.

 

I also go online and look for celebrities who have survived BC and stories of other ladies who are doing well - it helped me by reading all their stories.  It made me feel strong.

 

I also worked through my diagnosis, right up to my operation, so it kept my mind occupied.

 

i also don’t talk about it with family, only on here. I find that helps a lot, to try and ignore it for a while.

 

All the ladies on here understand your heart hurting fear and breathlessness that leaves your heart pumping.

 

It does get better I promise you and I wish I could take your fear away.

 

hugs 

 

Susan

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hi pineapples,
What you’re experiencing is quite normal & you are being positive in dealing with it, as Lily says, this stage is particularly difficult because you gave the shock of processing a diagnosis, but in limbo whilst the treatmant plan is decided. Its this uncertainty which is so hard to handle.
Lily says it all about the strategies in her post, really.
There is no magic wand, but this stage passes & it does settle down.
Do come on here whenever you need to.
ann x

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Hey pineapples,

 

We’ve all been there!  I was diagnosed just before Christmas, and between biopsy and finding out exactly what we were dealing with, I was involved in a choir performance at work.  We stared to sing Away in a Manger, and the tears started!  Just couldn’t stop them!  Only a couple of my colleagues knew, and they just smiled at me, put their thumbs up, and I carried on, trying not to cry or laugh! Other people must have thought I was a nutter! 

 

And and I lost the plot in the Vodafone shop last week, a couple of days before my op.  Snatched my phone off the desk, spat ‘fine!’ At the assistant and flounced out! Then phoned my husband and burst into tears because I felt bad! 

 

It’s an emotional roller coaster, and you’ll feel different from one moment to the next.  But you can do this.  You’re allowed to feel sad, angry, numb.  It’s a huge shock.  I do try to use the mindfulness techniques.  Concentrate on my breathing, deep cleansing breaths and try to focus myself again. Sometimes it works, other times I have a strop, or cry!!! 

 

I also wanted to eat anything that wasn’t actually breathing, the day before my op! Not good, since I’ve just worked really hard to lose 1.5 stone! I allowed myself that day, knowing the reason for the compulsion, and that I wouldn’t be eating much the following day! Lol! 

 

Be be gentle with yourself, use the support of people here, and take one moment at a time. 

 

Jayne

xx

 

 

 

 

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Good luck with your results Pineapples .The “supermarket meltdown” seems to be quite a common occurrence in the early days of diagnosis ,when you are dealing with so much just one little bit of extra stress pushes you over the edge .But as the other ladies have said it does get easier .

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Pineapples, 2 days after my diagnosis I was getting a taxi to the airport with a driver who I regularly seemed to get & he asked me how I was. His question was enough to start my tears. I got to the airport & bought some makeup as I was waiting for my flight. The lady at the till told me I was entitled to a free gift & again the tears came. I am trying to keep my tears for when I’m not in public but it can be difficult as I’m finding that being diagnosed with Breast Cancer is an emotional experience as well as a physical 1. Sending you hugs xx

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Hi Pineapples,

 

How are you and how are you getting on? Did you get your results? I have been thinking about you as I haven’t heard from you…

 

Like all the other ladies here have said, it’s completely normal to feel overcome with emotions - I would just cry whenever I need to (at least, this is what I’ve been doing). I think it’s healthier to get your emotions out and have a good cry when you need it, rather than build them up inside you. And don’t worry about what other people think, now is the time to focus on yourself and nobody else.

 

I also feel very very anxious about my results, but somehow, I’ve managed to be positive this week, in spite of the anxious wait. I’ve been keeping busy by talking to a lot of people and letting them know what’s going on. I also took time off work to relax and I’m trying to change my eating habits (not that they were so bad before, but I think it helps to eat healthier).

 

Let me know how you get on - happy to chat anytime X

 

Lots of hugs

Denisa

 

 

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To all the truly lovely ladies who have replied so far to this post, THANK YOU! 

 

I am amazed at the out pouring of kindness and sisterhood.perhaps a cheesy word but I really mean it. I’m so incredibly touched by your beautiful comforting comments.

 

Thank you for cheering me up and giving me a well needed heave that I will get through this…we all will. I’m finally crying and i’m so glad. it hurts but it’s good to begin to let it go.

 

I have realised that I do have support and I am very grateful to those that maintain this site for us. It is a lifeline no exageration.

 

I have just told a close friend about my diagnosis and had to be strong and support her - which because it was her was fine. But now I’m suddenly experiencing a flood of all that is to come, i don’t know how else to word it. the emotions are vast. Thank you for being here and letting me release it and feel safe. I hope that I can be there for you all as you are being for me.

 

We may not have met and may not meet … thank you for showing me the good in people at this awful time for us all.

 

gentle hugs and thanks

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Pineapples I have only had 1 hospital appointment so far regarding my diagnosis & I will find out on 1st Feb the full extent of my BC. I fell like I am at the core of this & then there are layers around me of support ie the 1st layer being the medical professionals who will help me, then people like yourselves who have been diagnosed with breast cancer/cancer, then my nearest & dearest & then those who have never had cancer but are there for support. I’m petrified of what’s in front of me but I know that shared experiences & support on this forum will get me through this year as I hope it does for you and others. Sending you hugs  xx

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Well said Lily ,this Forum saved my sanity during the first few months after diagnosis ,it is very hard for others who have not been there to understand no matter how much they want to and how much they care.

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I feel suicidal. I haven’t eaten more than 5 times in the last fortnight,cannot sleep and am shaking like i am freezing all of the time although the heating is on. I have always been a person who’s glass is half empty. I am thinking of not having treatment in order to stop this emotional pain

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Hi ,I’m so sorry you feel so dreadful.Have you been recently diagnosed ?The first few weeks are truly overwhelming and when anxiety takes a grip of you it is truly awful ,but it does get better I promise please ring the helpline here when it opens at 9 and get some support and advice .Keep talking to us we have been there and understand.

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. The number is 0808 800 6000.Monday to Saturday from 9am.

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Yes please ring the helpline they are such a great support , Jill and I were diagnosed in 2015 and have been in the dark place you are now and know how desperate you feel, we can both tell you from experience that you don’t stay in that awful place and gradually things get better, can you tell us a bit more about your diagnosis ? So much help and support here for you Xx 

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Hello
Welcome to our support …the ladies here have given you some lovely replies …please use the helpline and join in with the threads.
Carolyn xxx

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Good morning to everyine here.

 

I am particularly posting this message to “futuretwo”.

Firstly, very warm welcome to you, and you have made a very good move to reach out to this lovingly supportive forum, whaich has a myriad of shared experiences.

I don’t know where you are up to with your BC diagnosis and treatments even, but please al;low me to give you some hope for yourself and future, in that I am now 11 years down the line from having had one mastectomy in 2006 and the other only 9 months later in 2007.

The loss of my second breast threw me into the depths of depression, further exacerbated by other major losses in the death of my three immediate family members, loss of confidence intimate relationship wise, so it’s not just been BC with me. I have spent the equivalent of many months out of my life feeling/being suicidal over those last 11 years, having carefully examined every possible and available method, even down to being able to source the required liquid from genuine suppliers. I’m saying all of this to you Futuretwo, so that you realise just how seriously I have been in that same place as you hopefully “have”, and I’m purposely using the past tense there as opposed to “are”. And that was right up until an horrible incident two months ago, that pulled me up by the collar to finally go and seek some help.

So my dear friend, I can truely EMPATHISE with you, having been there where you were and may still be. There’s a distinct difference between EMPATHY nad SYMPATHY. Sympathy is the ability to feel sorry for someone and what they must be going througfh. EMPATHY, however, is a direct experience of the same thing. Be that as with you and me - serious suicidal thoughts, or my recently attending a yearly check up Mammogram appointment with a fellow BC “friend” who’s only a year down the line, compared to my 11, and I oh so remember the resurging upset and fears of that one year marker point, so could sooo “empathise” with her.

 

So I TRUELY KNOW and understand where you are/were right now. I suffer with Bi-Polar, a chemical imbalance that has been caused by a series of massive major traumas, losses, subsequent grief be that member of family, last one to suicide, grief for loss of both breasts, grief of loss of profession, income and home, lastly grief over the sad loss of my cat of 21 years 3 mnths ago and my last final remaining member of family. Some of the above may help you feel lucky that you haven’t had so much else, hopefully. But, hey, I’m still standing, talking and sometimes kicking Ar*se. Plus now getting some help.

Doesn’t help that I’m on my own, my best and oldest friends being dotted around the South and I’m living in the North. Are you on your own Futuretwo?

Send me a private email to talk in further depth, in private, as much as you like. You’ll find me a very empatheticand sympathetic ear. Suicide’s not an easy subject for most people to talk about publicly, is it. No.

 

Get in touch soon if you feel like or up to.

Sorry to everyone else for my interruption. Hope you’re all doing okay, or better

Loads of love to you all

Delly xxxxxxxxxxx