So after a whirlwind summer of being diagnosed in June, two lumpectomys and then 20 sessions of Radiotherapy, I was told in November it still wasn’t all clear and they’d decided that they would do another 15 sessions of Radiotherapy. This comes to an end on the 19th of December, I won’t then know if I’m all clear until end of Jan/early Feb.
I’ll also be beginning on Tamoxifen in the next week.
To say the radiotherapy side effects have hit me is an understatement. I’ve suffered with unreal fatigue since the first lot, rashes and soreness to my boob and underam, and just feeling flat.
I don’t know how I’ll react to Tamoxifen, but I just feel completely done. I want to feel like me again, the fatigue is a pain and I’m doing everything I can to try and combat it, but I just feel like this year has ripped so much from me, I’m not feeling christmasy at all and I usually love it, plus my 40th is in 4 weeks and again I couldn’t care less.
I feel so bad for my family who are amazing but i just feel like I’m going through the motions and trying to hide how bad I actually feel to make it less bad for them.
Sorry for ranting but I just feel awful at the moment and in a way apprehensive for finishing radiotherapy as I feel like everyone will expect me to bounce back to normal, yet I know the side effects won’t go away right away, and I’ve still got to worry about results.
Dear @jenp99 we are all here for you, with love and support. Firstly take one day at a time at the moment, Christmas can be a sad and happy time all rolled into one, we always feel we need to put on a show to pleased other when inside our hearts are crying out.
You have been through so much, radiotherapy can knock us completely out, you need rest and support at the moment, not knowing what your Christmas plans are maybe if your expected to attend a family get together and you feel you are not up to it, just be honest with the host. Please be kind to one person YOURSELF there will be many more celebrating ahead with your 40th birthday a few weeks away.
You don’t need to apologize. You’ve been through a lot in a very short time, and it’s completely normal to feel exhausted. Many people assume that once radiotherapy ends, everything goes back to normal, but the body is still processing the treatment and that slow recovery is normal. The fact that your family is supportive says a lot. You don’t need to pretend; it’s okay to have days where you just can’t. Be gentle with yourself.
So sorry to hear your story which I can partly relate to. I’m struggling with christmas but am trying to get in the spirit….posted some cards today.
One thing that worries me is something you bring up in the post….I had surgery and radiotherapy but then how do they know ‘it has gone’?. How do I know? It plays at the back of my mind that I don’t have an appointment until May.
I do hope you can find some enjoyment for your 40th.
