In the new world of breast cancer patients - sometimes you have to smile at ironic little moments in life…
So, one week after diagnosis of invasive breast cancer, I popped to my local shopping mall to look at post-surgery bras. I was checking some out on my phone while walking to M&S and was approached by a charity worker at a stall for Breast Cancer Now. Couldn’t fault her keenness but I think a few lessons in subtlety may be in store.
She called over to me while I was looking at my phone, saying loudly: ‘Sorry, am I boring you?’ I was momentarily silent - then she called me closer and said; ’ Are you breast aware?’ - I replied: "Could not be more breast aware, thank you - diagnosed with breast cancer last week.’
I felt kind of sorry for her when the penny dropped and she looked very shame-faced and awkward and then thrust a card with the call number contact details into my hand and said: ‘Take Care.’
I totally get how hard it is to man a charity stall and to try to engage with bored and busy shoppers (I’ve done it for Xmas collections myself). But couldn’t help but wonder whether a little more empathy training in advance might be a good idea.
I was able to smile to myself at the irony and understood that the person did not mean to cause upset - but later I wondered how it would have been had I just been given a terminal diagnosis, lost someone to breast cancer, or just have been in the middle of bad day post treatment.
I guess every day is a school day - for all of us. I have no intention of pointing out where I was etc but just sharing an observation.
It was on one of those days when you can read everything as an omen or a sign so ordinary moments resonate more deeply. On a jollier note, an M&S manager let me have a free fake flower because there was no tag on it and a few other small moments of joy occurred that I will for sure be remembering for my ‘Jar of Joy’.
Hi
People really do not know how to react or what to say, and not just those supporting charity collections… the initial shock followed quickly by embarrassment normally leads to either silence or an inappropriate set of words ( not always but for some connecting brain to mouth doesn’t happen )
I am truly sorry its happened to you but glad you had some lovely unintentional moments too which hopefully outweigh the awful ones
I found that being honest and telling someone how their words have affected you is a brave thing to do as most recipients would simply smile and move on / change the sugject however …if we can speak as openly and calmly as possible and help educate or reframe someones reactions it could help someone else
Easier said than done and believe me I’ve lost friends because I was very honest when they said something that hurt or hit me emotionally but negativity has no place in my life, never has never will
A brilliant saying i heard a few years ago is ‘if its not going to matter in 5 years then don’t spend more than 5 minutes upset about it’
Keep smiling, keep having unexpected lovely moments and love life
Take care x
Thank you for your wise and lovely words. 🩷
Roxie1
I feel you handled this perfectly, I think most people find their true friends after a cancer diagnosis.
Wishing you well with your treatment with lots of happiness going forward
Biggest hugs Tili 
You’re so kind! And yes, I think you’re right. People can surprise you with their kindness (as well as with their gaucheness!)
Best wishes on your own health journey and thanks for taking the time to message. 🩷
We’re so sorry that this happened to you @roxie1 and we apologise for how that person made you feel. Needless to say we will pass this on to the relevant team so they are aware, and if you ever want to talk about this further don’t hesitate to get in touch.
Many thanks,
Alice
Hello - thanks for responding.
I just want to emphasise that I truly don’t want any one individual to be in trouble as a result of my comment. I think it’s enough to be aware of such things when training new recruits so they can be more sensitive in the language they use and in their approaches to the public. After all, given the incidence of breast cancer, many members of the public will have been touched by it in some way, either through family or friends, if not directly.
I’m very grateful for the good work of this charity and aware that many people selflessly volunteer their time to help raise funds.
Learning is better than blaming in my view.
Best wishes