family tiffs drivin me mad!
family tiffs drivin me mad! Hi, I need you guys today
I’m feeling totally drained and need to be on my own - I have 2 teenage boys in the house (19 and 16) who are going through the stage with their father (who has been very supportive to me throughout my treatment but things are now back to normal - me mediating all arguments between them/organising stuff etc) and I just don’t know how much more of the constant ‘looking to prove who’s boss!’ tiffs between them I can stand.
Before diagnosis I would be the one sticking up for the kids when my husband was arguing with them for some petty thing but all I want now is a quiet stress free life - I don’t think that’s asking for much after the last 16 months of hell I’ve had.
I can’t talk to my husband he just doesn’t communicate well and I’ve tried to explain it to my son (who says I shouldn’t get into a state about it and things are always ok after the tiffs) but each time they’re together I’m just waiting for the next outburst when my son says something my husband doesn’t agree with or want him to do.
Why can’t they just be happy that things are ok and let each other get on with things
I know I’m winging a bit today but feel I really need your feedback - I just want a bit of peace!!! Clemy X
solitude Hi Clemy
haven’t got sons but have 15 year old daughter who hubby likes to wind up then watch explode so know a bit about where you are at. My answer to it is to retreat into the conservatory with book , candles and music and ignore them, if they maim each other then so much the better, am not really heartless but they don’t seem to do it so much if i’m not there to intervene no safety net for either. either that or they like the audience so off i go clutching my amethyst to absorb my stress and relax away from them
worked for me so far
good luck
jo x
Normality Hi
We are having the same sort of thing at home now, Mum’s back from Surgery so the kids think all is well at the ranch, and of course she can crack on with the ironing, cleaning and breaking up arguements!
In some ways for us it is a bit of a breath of fresh air, everyone has been on tender hooks the last few months. I try and bite my tounge when eldest kicks off, but like a typical man I take the bait and go for it. Luckily the Wife has one of those sideways glances that mean no words are needed, and we shut up.
I just made sure there was plenty of Babidas and candles in the bathroom, along with music for my wife to retreat, when we were all being childish!
I like the advert on TV were the Mother rolls around on the supermarket floor beating the kid to it, food for thought perhaps!
May you find a certain degree of peace and quiet when required, but at the same time enjoy what I have come to regard as normal daily life, and as we all travel this journey of dealing with cancer, its sometimes as good a tonic as anything else.
Regards Andy
My Space Hi Clemy
I can relate from a slightly different angle… I moved back in with Mum & Dad when I got diagnosed as I didn’t want to live on my own at my house through treatment.
With 2 younger sisters (plus the middle ones fella) living there still it can be a pretty busy and noisy household! Now that I have got into a routine with the chemo and we have gotten over the initial shock of my diagnosis, things have returned much to ‘normal’ in the house and this can sometimes be a bit overbearing for me. When I have needed a bit of peace & quiet I have spent a couple of nights back at my house on my own. When I’ve then returned to Mum & Dad’s I’ve found everyone is a little bit more understanding again that I still need a bit of calm.
I appreciate that you won’t have the same option of going to a different house but as the others have suggested, could you establish a room in your home as ‘your space’ where you can spend time when you feel the need for some peace & quiet? If you talk this through with hubby & sons, they will hopefully realise that when you use this room, it is time for them to take heed & behave!!
On the other hand, as Andy says, for the most part I love that my family is noisy again and has heated debates around the dinner table. It means that my bc is no longer the only thing on our minds and we are getting back to living life 
Good luck, Sarah x
part of growing up is practising arguing so you can later drive everyone mad. They are not doing it out of spite but it is a developmental stage. At least that’s a theory I read about in a book about adolescence. Parents see it as challenging their authority. Children start seeing their parents as mortals rather than gods and it is a bit of a shock that they don’t know everything.
So my advice would be develop cloth ears and don’t get involved. Life is full of drama and conflict and sometimes I love it
Mole
hi clemy We too have a teenage son and sometimes I think I am just here to stop this male species from rowing just think they are all childish and tell them ALL to grow up and give you some peace and I used to find this really hard before cancer but now I just pretend its not happening and really do switch off, and its great.Because I think after what we have been through we deserve to put ourselves first
thanks thanks for your all your help out there - really does help to know I’m not having these feelings on my own.
Left them to it last night after a tiff the night before between the eldest n dad - went out wi mum to a concert - didn’t think of them once - !!! quite an achievement for me.
Thanks again - i’ll certainly bear all you’ve said in mind next time they ‘kick off’
Clemy x