Just been diagnosed and have first oncologist appt tomorrow. Is it normal to be petrified that the cancer is everywhere? I am so scared and no matter what people tell me am terrified I won’t be around for my kids. I am surrounded by love but feel really lonely.
Every ache or cough has me in a blind panic - of course the times I can be rational I know it’s stress and the fact I can’t eat doesn,t help but I am finding rational v difficult. The doctors have moved really fast but every day feels like a week and I want to start treatment yesterday! Is grade 3. Am confused about why they want to do chemo first - would really like this thing out of my body. I am usually the capable one - the one who sorts everything out. Don’t usually do scared or vulnerable - hate not feeling in control. Any advice on how to get through this stage sane?

Hello and welcome to the BCC Discussion Forums. I’m sure other users will be alone soon to offer support, but while you’re waiting here is a link to information on the BCC website aimed at people who are newly diagnosed, which I hope will be helpful:


Please do also give the BCC Helpline a call if it would help to talk to someone in confidence, Tel. 0808 800 6000 (Mon-Fri 9am-5pm and Sat 10am-2pm).

With best wishes,

Anna, BCC Moderator

Hi Kazziebabe…your feelings are perfectly natural. Like the majority of us diagnosed, you were probably feeling perfectly well and now your world has been turned upside down…you feel like you’ve lost control. Sure your Onc will tell you tomorrow vut ost likely reason for chemo before surgery is to shrink the lump to enable as much breast conservation as possible? Reading posts seems to suggest that chemo is usually very effective in doing this.
All I can offer is try to live in the moment, not easy and will be challenging at times, particularly forcing yourself not to think about the what ifs. With the love and support of those closest to you and the expertise of your medical team you WILL get through this :slight_smile:
I was where you are 19 months ago and today I completed a 5k Race for Life…this time last year it was a struggle to put one foot in front of the other!!!
If you can take someone with you tomorrow to listen, take notes and help as a prompt with a list of ready prepared questions (BCC has a good publication) that will be helpful as it is likely to be a bit of a blur…take care x

When I had my first appointment at the breast clinic they told me it was cancer but because I didn’t have a lump, they needed to do a CT scan to rule out the possiblilty that it was a seconday cancer - very scary, but luckily it wasn’t! I had 4 x FEC and 4 x Tax, followed by a mastectomy and then rads - will also be on Herceptin til November.
But, when I went to see the surgeon after my mastectomy (Christmas Eve - never want to do that again!), they told me that the chemo had killed ALL the cancer that was present in the breast and lymph nodes - only scar tissue remained.
So, keep the faith! I didn’t ask for any details of grades, stages or prognosis (I was, and am, far too much of a chicken) - I did what I was told, when I was told to do it and tried to stay as positive as I could. Chemo isn’t particularly nice but it isn’t always as bad as you imagine it will be, surgery was ok (only in one night) and radiotherapy was fine.
Once your treatment is underway, you’ll feel more in control - bless you,x

Hiya - mine was stage 3 too and I also had chemotherapy first. I too was convinced that each scan would find me riddled with cancer but CT and Bone scan were both clear. It had spread to lymph nodes in axilla and they were all removed when I had the mastectomy. This is all nearly two years ago and I am happy living in the land of NED (no evidence of disease) As Witchypoo says - once the treatments start you will feel better.

Hi…ST…nice to see you posting again…hope your wound is healed and everything is OK now…Kazzie…the onc probably wants chemo first to shrink your tumour to save as much breast tissue as poss…some ladies have it before some after…I was told I could have it first but my lovely surgeon could see the state I was in with my nerves he gave me right Mx…your fears are perfectly rational…once you have your treatment plan you will feel better and more in control of the situation…I am nearly 2yrs from dx and can assure you that there is life after diagnosis…like ST…I am now NED at the moment but never again will take my health for granted…I was convinced I was riddled as well…it’s perfectly normal…couldn’t eat…don’t sleep well anyway even without cancer…couldn’t function…I had to have Diazipan to cope…but you will get through this…this awful time will pass best of luck with your treatment…massive hugs…apple

Girls your posts help so much, thankyou. I’ve got to go today for results of ct, had terrible weekend , got wound check today for 2nd wle last Monday. Had 1 st wle and ANC 18 th June, thinking of cancelling appt so worried, all that sitting waiting to go in they never run on time. OH won’t let me cancel but I’m in such a state at the moment, I imagine its everywhere, it’s nice to read that other people felt the same, I feel suh a wus right now . X

Need nerves of steel and haven’t got them today, feeling terrible, don’t think I can go to appt, why can’t they phone me instead ?
cant do this and feel so pathetic, my mums phoned and she sounds upset. I think I’m going crazy with this anxiety. Any suggestions? X

Lois {{hug}} of course you can do it!

What time’s your appointment? Can’t you go somewhere first, even if it’s just for a drive around? Is OH going with you?
I know it’s easy to say, but you WILL get through this, and the sooner you know, the better. If you don’t go to the appointment they might still not give you the results over the phone, just give you another appointment…

I’ll be thinking of you - hoping to read that all went well later on.

Annie x

Hi Annie, appt 2.20, but that means nothing they always run late. I’m just so tired, no sleep last night and my imagination running overtime. Yeah OH going he’s the one making me go. Thanks Annie I’m just having panic attack I think, got pins and needles etc, hyperventilating. Will have to keep busy. X

Hi Kazzie, I’m also Grade 3 and having Chemo first 8 x FEC-T, followed by Surgery and Radiotherapy, so i know exactly how you feel, all i wanted was for the lump to be gone as i didn’t believe it would shrink, but here i am, 2 Chemo Cycles in and already it has shrunk so much i can hardly feel it! Believe it or not this also helps almost as much mentally as i can tell the Chemo is working, yes the Chemo isn’t great but isn’t half as bad as you think it is, as you will be imagining the absolute worst! Don’t google that was my biggest mistake as it’s all rubbish, and be strong, it’s hard i know but think of the positives, the BC has been found but it’s being dealt with, i also had all the scans, CT, Bone Scan and MRI and i made myself ill convincing myself that it had spread everywhere and like you i had every ache and pain you can imagine, but all my scans were clear, so be positive you will get through this and i’m sure like all of us ladies, once you have started your treatment you will start to relax a bit more and feel more in control. Big Hugs to you :slight_smile: x Good Luck to you Lols too :slight_smile: xx

I am new on here so bare with me! I also suffer from all that your talking about? My counsellor recommended this the other day. Take a big deep breath through your nose over the count of 3, hold for 3, then very slowly blow out from your mouth as if you are making a candle flame flicker slightly! Keep repeating and this should slow your heart rate down and calm you! You can use this any where, anytime, perhaps close your eyes when doing it and picture somewhere that you love to be? I hope this helps? Love Sarah X

Thanks green room will remember that. Hope your doing ok, anxiety is terrible.
Thanks to all of you for reassurance, back from appt, ct all clear nothing at all. Surgeon came in a did a little dance, told us and then got upset cos other half had tears in his eyes, been such a crap weekend, anyway said go get chemo and rads but start living again, advised by bc n to get bottle of fizz or two, same done.
phoned my sons and mum they all sounded tearful what a strain this puts on the people you love, anyway can face the rest new, it’s was the unknown and imagination that was making me ill.
keep posting everyone we all help each other so much xx

So pleased for you Lois, I know what a worry it’s been - I was the same!

Celebrate and relax…

Annie x

Thanks Annie, will do xx

What an amazing bunch you are! I have my pre appointment tomorrow with my first session of FEC-T starting Friday afternoon. Totally understand the panic that sets in whilst waiting for scan results. I too spent much time telling myself that it had spread everywhere and they were going to tell me there was nothing that they could do. Fortunately, scans came back clear (except the lumps in my breast and lymph node that is!) all been a hugely surreal couple of weeks to be honest. Have my sister’s wedding in 2 and a half weeks so have my wig ready in case I need it. Am going to try the cold cap as I feel I’ve got nothing to lose. Sending lots of love to all of you. And remember, chemo is our friend, even if there are days when it doesn’t feel like it!

Hi, gibigill, surreal is not the word !!! Good luck with chemo, keep posting regarding cold capping, I’m going to try it.
have a fab time at wedding, whatever you have on your head, you can be proud of yourself for facing this damn thing.
hope you don’t have many se’s. hugs for Friday x

kazzie you ae going through all the emotions that i went through last month when was diagnosed ie will I see my kids grow up.

A month on had lastectomy which at 39n aint great but effectively saved my life and 12/16 lymph nodes had it so they gone too.

i couldnt barely bring myself to get out of bed that first week and so far the worst bit for me has been the waiting for scan results, other biopsies and of course surgery. Had a real hard time emotionally with mastectomy but 3 weeks on am slowly coming to terms with it.

AT least have climbed up first rung of the bc ladder

next step chemo that starts next Mon

You will get there, If I get through the day without crying and being in main positive I feel Ive done ok
But remember you dont have to be strong all the time . This is unfair and you have a right to bawl and wail too

hope you get through next couple of weeks and get results you hope for

Thank you all - start chemo on Tuesday. So pleased to hear that I am not going insane (well no more crazy than normal). x

Thank you x