I tried to ring a counselling service through work but they were naf, didn’t get what I wanted to talk about, so I thought maybe voicing stuff on here might help…(so you know where I am, I have had my op and results 15mm grade 2 ductal with specs of DCIS, clear margins, clear lymph, ER/PR+ HER2- been sent for oncotyping.)
Fear of recurrance is huge! How likely is it that it can spread even though my sentinal node was clear and lympho-vascular was clear?
Fear I’ll miss something that points to recurrance, what should I look out for?
Fear that when treatment all ends I wil feel lost and alone. The future feels like this big empty void, sometimes I just want to stay in bed and hide from it all.
Small things set me off, I can be in tears for no reason, I do struggle with anxiety anyway and my Dr put me on cytalopram, I can’t see an end to it, will I need it forever.
Everyone has been great but was reading something somewhere else and people get bored of it all. I’m scared I’m boring people and don’t want to bore and burden them with my fears, but I need them.
How do I live with this…I’m very good with my “brave face.” …standard answer…I’m fine!
I’m so sorry you find yourself on here but you’ve come to the right place. Everyone on here is great at listening and giving comfort and advice. You will never make anyone feel bored or disinterested, so talk away about anything you’re worried about. It is very hard trying to process everything that’s happening to you I know but I promise it does get easier and you will see the light at the end of the tunnel. It’s best to take each day as a new day and not think too far ahead - there will be appointments, surgery, etc but they won’t all happen today so try not to worry about them now. Everything will be done to get you better again and you’ll be surprised how quickly time passes once things start to happen. I have finished active treatment now and sometimes I feel as if it all happened to someone else. As for finding yourself crying - go ahead - cry all you want, or if you feel angry have a good shout. But most importantly, look after yourself and try to keep yourself occupied. Always do something nice for yourself every day - just little things. It will help. If you want to talk to someone try ringing the helpline on this site - they are amazing and will do their very best for you. Take care and come back to talk whenever you feel alone … Wishing you all the best for your treatment xx Lily
This does get better with time, I can’t believe I’m approaching my first anniversary, with the yearly follow-up mammo coming up the week after next.
Like you, I had grade 2, good margins & clear nodes, no chemo, had rads & now tamoxifen.
Now, I don’t worry about recurrence, my results were as good as they could be, I am now under 5 year follow-up & have never been so breast aware!
Dont be hard on yourself, you are still waiting for test results with the next stage of treatment coming up, so it’s not surprising you feel the way you do - not boring at all, it is what it is.
So sorry to read how you’re feeling right now. But you’ve come to the right place!
You are at the beginning of your treatment and emotionally it’s very hard. But what you are feeling is very normal and this site is full of lovely ladies who are going through or have been through exactly the same. You are by no means boring and here there will be lots of support and advise whenever you need it.
I have these fears, especially as my Mum’s came back in her liver, lungs and bones.
I have resigned myself, that it will come back, but I will deal with it when it happens.
You are not and will never bore us.
My brave face is my defence - I don’t talk about it, apart from on this forum. I push it down and distract myself, normally by reading good cancer survival stories on the internet or in the secondary thread on here. The women in that thread are marvellous and I take comfort from their constant battling with this disease.
I am sure it will get better as we continue this crappy journey, but in the meantime you rant all you want on here. We understand - huge big hugs my darling.
Edited to add: Once we have all finished our various treatments we should all meet up, with the gang and any others, I promise we’ll have a good time.