I was disgnosed last Nov 12mm tumour grade 2 100% hormone positive,No Nodes but vascular invasion noted around edge of tumour. I had a lumpectomy further surgery for clear margins, epi-cmf chemo, 4 weeks of rads now on tamoxifen, I am at a stage where I am constantly looking for lumps got a complete paranoid head on, constantly thinking about when its going to get me, I have 2 young kids (5 and 2)and so so scared that i wont be here for them. I hate feeling this way and want the old me back. I dont want to get 10 years down the line and have spent it worrying on the other hand will be glad to get that far.
What you are experiencing is very very normal and we all know what you are talking about. The whole BC thing just takes over your thoughts. My children were young, not as young as your children, and I worried that I would never see them grow up. I think this helped me at times as it gave me something to aim for and to get through the tough days. My tumour was 5.5cm in size and I was 39 when I first got diagnosed. You are not being depressing and it is good that you have found the site and you are able to put into words just how you are feeling. Keep in touch with us and we will hold your hand through this very difficult time. Best wishes, Val