fed up
fed up hi all
sorry to moan but feeling fed up. Almost halfway through my chemo epi/xeloda and feeing like its miles to go. Been off work since feb and not able to go back until at least Oct/Nov have to see how rads make me feel. Weather is s***** so cant even get out much unless you want to get drowned in a shower.
I know treatment needs to be done but why so long? i know the answer to that but at the moment just want a normal life back. Have good friends and family supporting me but dont want to moan to them so you lot have got the short straw.
Thanks feel better already.
Jackie
xxx
Jackie
I understand completely - I have been off work since mid Jan and finished my 6 chemo - was due my mastectomy 2 weeks ago - only to be put off to this week as I have a cold. Which means we have to cancel another holiday (trying to get one in between op and rads), the weather is rubbish… and time just ticks on…everything on hold, until we all get over this and back to work.
Surely there is more to life - I can now see how the long term sufferers must feel. Not sure about you, but I pick myself up for friends and family who all think I am coping so well … and underneath that I am in a blind panic and not coping at all… or perhaps thats what coping is???
Anyway I have nine cocker spaniel puppies to keep me entertained for 2 more weeks until they find new homes - they are so cute… but I seem to spend all day clearing up p**!!!
Don’t let the chemo get you down. As my husband says if it makes us all better it is worth it. I am 40 at Christmas and aiming to be back to normal life by then - good to have something to aim for now we keep losing holidays!!
A good moan always helps!
I agree - life on hold is a bu**er! Hi Jackie and Jackie
I too, am finding the monotony of endless treatment the hardest part. I too began chemo in January and have only just finished it. To begin with I thought that I was too hasty giving up work, but know now that I would have found it too much, but I would have liked to have ‘gone’ to work and had the structure and seeing colleagues daily. I speak regularly to them, but things are moving on without me and I don’t like it!
My friends are full of admiration about how I’m coping. I feel that I am, but my coping seems to be just not thinking about things and pushing it to the back of my mind. Is that coping I don’t know?
I was expecting to go back to work in October, that has been my plan, but have now found out i will need 33 rads, I thought you got about 20 and have been told I will need some time to ‘recover’ afterwards, so now feel that everything is moving from my control!
Hope that you are both well, your 40th at the end of the year should be a great excuse to party, it’s great to have something to aim for! I will be 42 at Christmas, can i have a party for that?
Take care Nicky x
hang on in there Hi Jackie,
I’m on the epi/xeloda too and had the second epi two weeks ago- have you finished all your epi- I am so looking forward to that , as I am hoping the xeloda will be a bit easier. I’m sort of breaking it down into smaller milestones and it seems to go by a bit quicker. So, like, I seem to feel worse up to about day 10 and then I begin to feel a bit better, so I tell myself I’ve already got over two bad bits, possibly only two more really bad bits(I’m in the week before chemo so feel better at the mo) if xeloda really is easier. I’m intending to have a mini celebration when the epi is finished. It may turn out to be an anticlimax if xeloda is actually just as bad but at least it’s something to look forward to!
Hang on in there!
Jane
hang on in there Hi Jackie,
I’m on the epi/xeloda too and had the second epi two weeks ago- have you finished all your epi- I am so looking forward to that , as I am hoping the xeloda will be a bit easier. I’m sort of breaking it down into smaller milestones and it seems to go by a bit quicker. So, like, I seem to feel worse up to about day 10 and then I begin to feel a bit better, so I tell myself I’ve already got over two bad bits, possibly only two more really bad bits(I’m in the week before chemo so feel better at the mo) if xeloda really is easier. I’m intending to have a mini celebration when the epi is finished. It may turn out to be an anticlimax if xeloda is actually just as bad but at least it’s something to look forward to!
Hang on in there!
Jane
Hi Jackie,
I’m like you - really fed upon how long the treatment will last. I’m on my 5th cycle out of 8 of chemo and it seems as if it’sgoing on for ever.
I am managing the side effects quite well but have remained off work. they constantly keep in touch and I know if I went back to work I believe that I wouldn’t be half so good with it.
I keep trying to tell myself to enjoy this time off work as it won’t be that long that we are back in the rat race complaining about getting up early, travelling to work and all the s**t that work brings.
Me too!! Hi Jackie and all,
I totally understand where you are coming from! I am also on the TACT2 trial but I am on arm 2. I have 1 more epi to go on weds then 2 weeks later I start CMF. I haven’t worked since I was diagnosed in March and have recently been made ‘non-effective’ (I’m in the Royal Air Force). Now not due to return to work til at least dec!! That really depends on how many rads I have to have and how they make me feel as due to start them prob nov time.
You’re soooooooooo right, it does seem like the treatment will never be finished. Sometimes I think its gone quite quickly so far but other times I can’t believe I still haven’t finished the epi yet! At times I wonder just how I’m going to get through it. I am finding it to be as mentally demanding as it is physically! Getting my ‘normal’ life back seems to be a looonnnngg way away at the moment.
Thats whats so good about this site, we can all moan to each other! Everyone always totally understands and it means we don’t have to worry our loved ones. Mind you, my boyfriend is getting quite used to my floods of tears that usually arrive a few hours after we get home from the chemo day centre!
Anyhoo, its just reassuring to know that we’re not alone in feeling like this. Oh, and your right about the weather, it is c**p!! I was planning to have a golf lesson today and visit a friend but the weather and the sniffles has put paid to that! Thank god for the internet and sky+!!
Take care,
Kelly
-x-
HI Jackie
Just looking through posts and saw about your puppies, we’re looking for a spaniel puppy at the moment. Ours got run over about a month ago and I said no to the kids for another one immediately but I’m missing having a dog around and started looking yesterday. Wondered if you have any left what the parents are like, if they’re good with kids? are they KC registered and when would they be ready to go to new homes? Hope to hear from you soon . Sorry this has nothing to do with your post, good luck with surgery. I finished treatment in March, had chemo before surgery and feeling great now
Love Lisa
Hi all
thanks for replying re/feeling miserable
Jane i have one more epi next Tuesday and then go on to xeloda so i should think of it as halfway through epi.
I am so glad there are others out there feeling like me.
Onwards and upwards.
Jackie
x
I know what you mean
today i have just felt sooo low -crying lots being rude to my lovely hubby
Had my second chemo last week -took four attempts to get canula in and ended up having it through my thumb which was so painful
Sometimes it just feels soo hard. I try to be positive as much as i can but sometimes i just dont feel i can carry on. I keep asking myself ‘why me’?
This is a ‘pitty fest’ big time!
Made stew and dumplings for tea and think i’ll go raid the chocolate box and hope that will help
xx sending good vibes to you all
jools