Diagnosed last week with IDC after a routine mammogram highlighted an area of concern . I have been told that is very small area but then got floored by being called back for a second biopsy after another area was highlighted very close to the first tumour . I don’t have the results of that yet but have my first meeting with the consultant tomorrow so I fully expect that area to be cancerous too. I can’t eat properly , sleep is broken , my new wake up time is 3:30am…I am lucky in that I have an amazingly supportive family but I just feel broken . I don’t look or act like myself anymore - so scared of this meeting tomorrow
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I’m 6 weeks ahead of you, and felt just the same.
I got mirtazapine from my GP, as couldn’t cope with the lack of sleep. Had lumpectomy yesterday, feel a bit calmer for now. It does change or get a tiny bit easier with time and plans firming up. I promise.
Hang In there, and it will start to come together. Do whatever you need to do to get through it xx
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I started in August after finding a lump on holiday.
Once you get started hopefully you will feel calmer, although each new stage is daunting. It feels much longer ago that this all began for me.
It is good to have lots of support. Make sure you use it x
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Thank you so much for your positive reply .
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It is very scary with all the uncertainty. My callback letter was beginning of August. My diagnosis changed after first surgery, then had second. Today was oncologist and chemo etc plan. My treatment was originally 5 days of radio and now it’s 3 years! So I really understand the no control. All you can do is control the things you can… Diet, exercise, hydration, mental health. It will all help uou get through this. Every step is a step closer to finishing treatment. I’m absolutely dreading chemo but want it done so i can move onto the next stage. Take it one day at a time and maybe have some sleeping tablets to help you through the bad nights. They really helped me.
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Hi sorry to hear this , I found in the early stages the goalposts kept changing , ah you need an MRi , ah we think it’s in the other breast aswell , ah your liver readings aren’t right etc …… ah you might need chemo now ……then it all went back to the original diagnosis. They are just being very thorough, try to think of it as a good thing because you really need to have the full picture so they can treat it and move forward with your treatment plan . I know I worried myself sick - needlessly . Try the calm app ten mins meditation, helps you with breathing and you can use the techniques when you are at hospital to calm you . Good luck x
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Slept all of 2 hours and grateful for even that. Huge storm in the Highlands last night so spent most of the night listening to the wind . Emotions all over the place , one minute I dread this meeting today and the next I can’t wait for it to come. I always thought I was a rational woman, not anymore ! I read hidden meanings in conversations with the nurses. I feel every ache is a new cancer and I convince myself that people are hiding things from me - I know that is irrational but it’s the way I feel …….
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Good look with your appointment . I think we have felt very similar in the early days, it’s like your own mind is torturing you .
It does get better once you know more clearly what you are dealing with and what the plan is once you can actually get on with treatment rather than being trapped in this horrible anxious limbo .
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Hi
My call back was beginning of September with two areas biopsied one was IDC but the other a benign fibrodema. I know exactly how you feel I even asked my breast nurse were they hiding things from me total paranoia. Hopefully seeing your consultant today may answer some of those fears but tell them exactly how you are feeling and take all the support they offer. I’ve had a lumpectomy and slnb, then had to have a 2nd surgery for full axillary clearance, now I’m waiting for those results. I just keep thinking there are people in the world far worse than I am.
Please keep talking & let us know how it’s going
Sending hugs
Jackie
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I feel very similar, zero tolerance of anybody and everything . Demanded my histology report so I could read it myself . Just do whatever you need to get through. I hope that one day I’ll be my old “pull your big girl pants up” self, but for now I have to live with being very wobbly. It will come back I’m sure xx
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I also had a recall for a biopsy on another area and that was completely ok, just wanted to try and reassure you that sometimes it isn’t all bad news. Hope you get positive news x
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We can all relate to how you’re feeling. Just try & stay positive, i know it’s hard. There is a light at the end of this “HUGE” tunnel. I’ve never really been ill & i got all this thrown at me in one swoop !! It’s a long journey, but with support you’ll get through it, it does go quick actually. wishing you well x
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Thank you to the amazing people who took time out of their day to reach out and wish me well , the tips on how to cope through to virtual hugs were really appreciated . I did not feel so alone as a result and that is a massive positive to me .
Home from the hospital and some really good news and some further questions ….
The second biopsy came back as clear breast tissue BUT they think they may have missed the area ( it’s very small ) so I need another mammogram guided biopsy as too small to show up on ultrasound .
The surgeon said he does not know if this is another area of cancer but he was very positive about the long term outcome .
He then gave me a choice , if I felt so overwhelmed and had enough then he could remove the breast ( I have huge emotional baggage that has risen it’s ugly head since diagnosed ) my first husband and father of my children died young of oesophageal cancer and all of the trauma of nursing him at home while trying to keep a family in crisis together has come back ….
If I can manage ok then it would be another biopsy on the 8th January , get the results and then booked in for lumpectomy followed by hopefully just radiotherapy as lymph nodes look healthy , he did say they would not know for certain about lymph nodes until after surgery.
He said that a few weeks would not make any difference to outcome and his recommendation would be the lumpectomy.
I am thinking along that line as my initial tumour is very small at 4mm . It is EC positive and HEP2 negative
Has anyone else had to make this decision ?
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So sorry to hear what you are going through and glad to hear you have an amazingly supportive support network.
Fully understand changing goalposts as I went from a biopsy where the hospital team were sure it would be lobular neoplasia to it actually being invasive ductal carcinoma.
Worrying is a natural part of the process because it is the unknown, but once you have the full diagnosis and a treatment plan you will hopefully feel more in control and can decide what will work best for you.
What worked for me was taking each step as it approached and ticking it off as having come through it and onto the next step until I got to the end.
Hope it all works out for you
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I had to take a decision around lumpectomy v mastectomy.
My cancer is triple neg, and due to the aggressive nature and Hugh recurrence rate I did almost panic and have mastectomy. But my surgeon reassured me that long term there is no difference in outcomes. I really didn’t want a mastectomy but worried I should have one. I’ve chosen lumpectomy (done 2 days ago) it’s not pretty and I’ve spent all day crying over the appearance, but it’s not mastectomy, at least not yet.
Fingers crossed at the end of the day I get a good oncology outcome and hopefully a reasonable appearance. My surgeon offers autologous fat injection at the end of treatment to try and improve appearance.
I’m 60, and very vain 
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I feel for you, I think it’s good to cry for our loses whatever they may be, they are our own personal feelings of loss. I cried for hours because I wanted my old life back and I was grieving for it . A well meaning person told me that self pity would not help !!! Well this peace loving Buddhist felt like punching her in the nose 
oh the emotional rollercoaster ……
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I have people telling me that I must remain positive and not allow the negative thoughts and feelings to enter my head. Being positive is important but so are the negative thoughts and feelings. They are part of the journey and help to process what is going on. I find that trying to supress the difficult, emotional times makes it worse and takes longer to get back to an even keel. A good cry is fine.
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Totally agree!
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Panicking again - Just spoke to the BCN and the tumour is not 4mm , it’s 11mm and a grade 2 . Now I am wondering whether I should opt for the mastectomy . It will be 8th January before another biopsy and then February for surgery . I honestly don’t know now if I can wait that long
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I panicked about time, doing maths in my head that if the cancer had not been there on my last mammogram and was 6 months later and it was now another 3 months it was 50,% bugger etc etc.
My surgeon said it doesn’t work like that, and that it probably was there when I had the mammogram just wasn’t seen.
It’s so so important that the right rests, imaging etc are done preoperatively, stay calm and take the advise of the team you’re under. Being able to sleep a bit helped me cope. Hang in there xx
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