Feel like I'm going mad

A big hi to everyone, I am new here. I don’t know where to start…I am a 36 year old single mummy, who thinks shes going mad. I have found a ‘lump’ well more like a thickening of the breast, in my left breast went to the docs…she said nothing apart from refering me to the breast clinic, she never even siad what it could be ?..I was in such a state…I didn’t expect that at all. Since then I haven’t eaten for over a week, I constantly feel sick, to the point of heaving, I can’t stop moving(nervous energy) I am constantly having panic attacks, and I am crying several times a day. I haven’t been out of the house for days, I have had enough… I have looked on this website and my symptoms fit none of the benign conditions…so I have come to my own conclusion… I had an appointment with a consultant over a week ago and he said he’d send me for a mammogram and ultra sound but he said it could be a few weeks…I can’t go on any longer feeling this way.
I suffer with depression, anxiety and social anxiety… I have no friends to talk to, I feel soo alone. I keep thinking of ways to end all the pain and anxiety…I can’t bear it any longer…

I think you wonderful people on here are amazing.

Hello Hyena

Welcome to the forums, this must be a very difficult time for you, I’m sure the users of the site will be along to support you soon.

Whilst waiting for replies maybe you would like to talk things through with a member of our helpline staff who are there to offer emotional support as well as practical information. The free phone number is 0808 800 6000 and the lines are open Monday to Friday 9.00 to 5.00 and Saturday 10.00 to 2.00.

Best wishes

June, moderator

You are never alone,please phone the helpline they are marvellous and will answer all your questions and try to allay your fears.I have no advice about thickening but my bc started as a definate lump so please try not to assume yours is worst case scenario.Even if it is the worst all the ladies on this site are here for you and some of us are at the end of the journey and although our lives have changed we are still here enjoying our families and living life to the full again.Please call the helpline.Good luck,

Hi Hyena
It sounds as though the consultant doesn’t think it’s anything to worry about if you’ve got to wait a while for your mammogram. For several years the tissue was more dense on my left breast than on the other and it was just a natural part of me being me. BUT as you’re so anxious can’t you make a bit of a fuss and ask them to bring it forward? Unfortunately with me a tumour did eventually develop, which has been sorted out, but I did go through a time when I was sure there was something wrong and my GP wasn’t really interested. With the benefit of hindsight I was wish I’d rung up every day and nagged and made a fuss. If you are feeling depressed already you shouldn’t have to have this extra burden of worry.
DIB is right - you are never alone. There are lots of people here wishing you all the very best. I’ve phoned the helpline myself and the nurse I spoke to was lovely and so reassuring.
Lots of love. Pauline xx

Hi Hyena,
First and foremost i want to send you a massive virtual hug. I really feel for you re: the anxiety as i too have suffered from it in the past. (ironically at one point it was around being ill).
Please do think of ringing the helpline here for support should you need it. I makes me sad to think you have noone to share with or talk to. And you really are not alone in this. The ladies on here have been of fabulous support to me during my diagnosis and treatment.
Could you go back to your GP and explain how you are feeling, are they of any help? It feels to me like they also need to help you with the depression and anxiety and to give you the tools to help with this.
I would suggest taking a step back from googling or looking up syptoms as i think in these situations we always fear the worse until we are told otherwise. Its completely understandable to be scared and anxious.
From my perspective your GP is just being dilligent as you have expressed a change in how your breast feels. In all honestly i would rather that and my GP refer me, than my GP dismiss me. Also, when you do go for your mammogram dont be surprised if they ask you to have an ultrasound. It doesnt mean anything bad. I was the same age as you at diagnosis this year and my lump didnt show up on the mammogram as the my breast tissue is too dense. They did the ultrasound to double check really. None of it hurts. I was also told that its standard to get an appointment at the breast clinic within 2 weeks.
Please do keep in touch, ask any questions you feel like, and please dont feel alone. There are a lot of ladies on here to support you.

Just wanted to say I hope you’ll let us know how you get on, whatever the results. I’ve got a daughter your age and I wish I could make everything all right for you. xx

Hi Hyena

Just wanted to add my best wishes to everybody else’s. I’m waiting for an appointment too and completely understand how you’re feeling, the waiting is awful. I hate to think of you going through this completely alone, please give the helpline a ring as others have suggested, it might make you feel better to talk things through with someone.

Please keep us all updated.


Hi, I would just like to say a big thankyou to all of you for your kind words and support. Thankyou for saying i’m not alone but I am really…I’m not sure the helpline would be of any use as I struggle talking over the phone
This last week has been a nightmare, I am really struggling with my depression atm anyway, and this extra worry is just making me soo ill :frowning: I think this past week I have just existed, I have been struggling to look after my little child and just keep thinking the worst…I WANT to be here to see my little one grow up.
I am on the maximum dose of antidepressants, and also have diazepam to take when needed, but they make my mood soo low, I try to avoid them if possible. I went to the doctors last friday to see if he could chase up the appointment, he also asked if I wanted him to have a look… so I agreed.
I was quite annoyed as he seemed to dismiss that there was any difference in my two breasts and said’ it probably looks different from where you are ??? then he just said it’s probably a fibroadenoma…but it doesn’t feel anything like the ‘typical’ symptoms. He said he would chase up the appointment …which has come through for an US tomorrow morning, I have been told that if I also need a mammogram that will have to be a separate appointment…yet more anxious waiting time…is it normal to have to wait again ?
I wish I could be more positive like you fab ladies. I am not a positive person anyway, but I have also seen what a cruel, cruel disease breast cancer can be, my aunt had breast cancer, and after 5 years she had secondary breast cancer of the bones, and within 3 years she had lost her battle against the disease.
Thankyou again to everyone who replied, I wish you all the best for the future xx

hi hyena,

I am also going through some thing similar found a lump. got a mammogram on Tuesday and now going for an ultrasound on Monday with biopsy. the waiting is the bad bit I am also on antidepressants at the moment as it is the waiting and not knowing which I think is the worst part. the ladies on here are all brilliant if you don’t think you can call the helpline then just share your feelings on here. the thing that is helping me when I am low and my mind is racing is I try and distract myself. by baking, cleaning out a drawer or taking kids a walk put in my earphones and sing along this stops my mind filling up with scary thoughts. I am finding that this is helping me. the positive thing is your appointment is tomorrow so only one more sleep x