Feel so alone

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Before I was diagnosed with Cancer, my elderly mother-In -Law was poorly after suffering a stroke. She made a reasonable recovery, then I was Diagnosed with breast Cancer. Then Mother-In -law fell, then I had Surgery, Mother-In-Law poorly again.  I felt it was important for my Hubby to help his Mother and I sort of didn’t say to much about my Cancer.

I have 4 Daughters who always asked how their Grandma was, but with me they seemed to ask how I was and I would say " I’m ok", and that was that. I had lifts to and from Radiotherapy for 3 weeks from them but they never came to visit to see how I was. Since my Radiotherapy I have hardly seen them. They do text or phone to ask how Grandma is (she is in hospital at the moment after she slipped and fell), but they don’t seem to ask how I am. I just feel totally isolated since the Rads. finished. I have suffered anxietyfor a long long time (before the cancer), I can’t talk to strangers on the phone and have only been out 3 times by myself since radiotherapy ended. So, I see no one all day long. The only person I see is Jim, my Hubby when he gets home from work in the evening. I have sent a couple of emails to Macmillan with questions and explained I can’t phone them because of my anxiety. they have given me very short answers and say I would be better phoning them if I want anything answered in depth !!!  I have given up with them now, thinking I would just have to cope by myself .

Yesterday my Sister came to see me and she told me she had been talking to one of my Brothers, who had said about me “What has she got to be stressed about” !! My Sister told him about my mother-in-law being poorly and my anxiety and Cancer, and he said "well she’s had the all clear so what is she stressed about? She told him No one gives the all clear (which is why we’re all left in Limbo for 5 years).I don’t understand why he said this when his partner had breast cancer a few years back, shouldn’t he know that we don’t get the all clear just like that ? Tonight (just looked at the clock and realised it is 3am) I have stayed downstairs, cat on my lap…and cried .  Not the best way to end my Birthday. When I had a surgery I came home the same night.  A few days after, that same brother (when told I came home the same day) said “oh, it wasn’t Cancer then”  !!!  

I feel this horrible disease is being trivialised and it shouldn’t be, It’s a damned big thing  for any of us to contend with, whether we have a WLE, MASTECTOMY, CHEMO, or RADIOTHERAPY … At the end of the day we are all in the same boat and need people to talk openly to. Maybe we should all become friends on Facebook.

I am really sorry for the rant but at least the tears have stopped, it must be the feeling of  sharing with people who know how I feel.

Take care,

Von :catsad:

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Dear Von
I am sorry to read that you are feeling so low, I am sure your fellow users will be along very soon with support for you

If you do feel able at any point to call our helpliners they are on hand with emotional support for you , please remember that most people who call are very anxious due to their diagnosis, we also have an ‘Ask the Nurse’ email service which you may also find helpful, here’s the link to this and other support from BCC including our Live chat:

breastcancercare.org.uk/breast-cancer-services/ask-nurse

Take care
Lucy BCC

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Big, big hugs to you, Von. Also remember times where I felt angry regarding people saying that’s you  all clear and expecting me to be the same person I was prior to diagnosis. My Mum arranged lots of relatives to come to my house just after my ops and before rads, I was furious, but when I now look back it was partially or wholly my fault as my favourite words to everyone were “Im fine” (cause you don’t want to worry anyone) so I learned to say “no I don’t feel good” and to start putting myself first. Its so difficult to do that but probably for the first time ever you do have to put yourself first and actually be kind to yourself. If you feel awful just say that you do! You don’t have to go into all the details:smileyhappy:.

Keep talking, you will find that does help, wishing you all the best, take care xx

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Just read this thread and wondered what area you are in as there are a few support groups in different areas.  You could find the list in the events thread of the forum.  Also if there is a Maggie’s Centre near you then maybe taking a friend there with you would help.  You would be able to talk to someone who has experience of dealing with people with cancer.  So sorry that you feel this way hope you manage to get the support you need soon.