Hi 1234,
I’m kind of a ‘newbie’ as I only started chemo 9 days ago, but I wanted to respond as I can kind of relate to your original post. I have really worried how I will cope when treatment is ‘over’ with the worry of it coming back (strangely, I feel safe now that I’m in active treatment). But I find that seeing ‘success’ stories - whether that be of women who live a long time without recurrence, or ladies like Alesta who are continuing to live life in spite of diagnoses (thank you for sharing your inspiring story!) - really help me to put the fear into perspective. I’ve tried to ‘reprogram’ my thinking (my husband is a CBT practitioner 
) - so now I tell myself that ‘most women never have a recurrence’, which is true, statistically.
As for teens, well they’re very hard, aren’t they? I have an 18yo and three girls aged 3, 5 and 7. All my friends with little ones talk about how hard the terrible two’s etc are and I just laugh…if only they knew what was coming! lol My own teen is just emerging from a very rough few years…he decided to go live with his dad and basically shut us out, blaming me for everything bad in his life. But out of the blue, two weeks after he turned 18 (and two weeks before my diagnosis, thank God), he emailed me, apologising for being a PITA and asking if I could give him a second chance (of course I could!!!).
I’m a secondary school teacher, and I have watched hundreds of kids go through really awful, difficult to love periods, then emerge at 18 or 19 as pretty normal, fairly well-adjusted, lovely people. This experience is what has given me hope over the years that my own ds would ‘become normal’ again one day.
I agree that you should contact school or CAMHS again with an update. Even if your daughter seems angry that you do this, it will show her that you care and want to support her. There are wonderful professionals out there who really do care. Does she have a teacher or other adult she could form a stronger relationship with? Have you got a good dialogue with her tutor/head of year? My immediate feeling is that a school that rings home after a mobile is confiscated is a school that takes their pupils’ well-being seriously, so I’m sure there is someone there who will be delighted to take your daughter under their wing, so to speak, and help her get through this time.
As for you, CBT or other therapies such as EMDR can really help us change the way we think about situations so that we can get out of the cycle of depression, helplessness and hopelessness that are part and parcel of BC diagnosis/treatment. I used principles from CBT after a very traumatic birth, and I’m drawing on those same principles now when I feel myself getting into a state.
Also, I am finding that by being really open about what is going on I am getting tonnes of support. People genuinely do want to be helpful, and it’s so much easier for them if they know what is helpful. For instance, I wrote a brief email explaining what is going on and it was sent to all the parents in my girls’ three classes at school. Our class contact has organised a rota amongst parents who want to help, so we are being provided with two meals and a playdate for the girls every week. You can look at it as a gift to someone to allow them to help - helping others makes us feel good! We don’t have to be brave all the time. This is blinking terrifying stuff!
Well, I hope you don’t mind me putting my 2 cents’ worth in (and writing an essay lol), but this, too, shall pass and things will get easier in time.
Sending lots of hugs,
Carrie x
