Hi All,
So following my diagnosis and further scans/tests etc, they’ve changed it to stage 2 a lobular cancer.
Originally they believed it to just be small tumors just in the breast and have now seen after another MRI and biopsy it’s spread to the lymph nodes in my breast.
I’ve got my lumpectomy booked for the week of the 22nd of July and I feel like I’m going out of my mind.
My boob hurts all the time, it’s not helped from the biopsies they have done (they had to repeat the original ones and do more on my lymph nodes) I’m also diabetic so when I bruise I bruise for ages.
It’s also still swollen, I look like I’ve had a botched boob job! And it’s so so bruised from the biopsies and poking and prodding.
I just feel so so low about it all. I know I’m lucky, everyone keeps telling me that, and I know it could be worse and I don’t have to go through half as much as some, but I feel so low about it all, I hate seeing myself with no top/bra on.
Has anyone found the shape change is permanent even after treatment? I know you can get inserts but I have Only seen ones with padding and I think the smaller one would then look too big?
My nurse gave me information on Maggies Centre and future dreams but I still just feel lost with it all.
Sorry for the rant!
J x
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I’m not going to tell you you are lucky, as that seems like meaningless BS to me, people who don’t know what to say try to make you feel better, that’s all. It doesn’t help, as then you get left feeling you ought to be grateful that it’s still ‘early stages’ - we are not only deserving of support when it gets to stage 4 yet everthing below that is classed as ‘early’. Developing breast cancer is unlucky, most don’t get it (though numbers are rising).
Tbh, I can’t tell much difference if any since my lumpectomy (its still slightly bigger than the other one) but that is probably down to the position of the tissue removed (12’o’ clock, well north of nipple).
I could say having been node negative, that I’m luckier than you, but it doesnt help to compare in that way. We are all on the journey, we all got cancer, and that makes us less lucky than most.
Some people around us don’t always deal with it well or have what it takes to be supportive, it can be easier for them to latch onto the curative possibilities, then park the rest and get on with their lives, thinking you’ll be ok in the end, not wantingto consider that you might not be, or how your life is changed. That’s why its great to talk to others going through it, as only we know that to experience it means that your life and outlook will never quite be the same as it was. Your poor boob is going through a lot, I was surprised at how painful biopsies are despite the local, and you have had many, I empathise with that ( had 8- with 5 being unnecessary it turns out). I’m sorry you are having a slow recovery from it. Its step by step through the process, as if you look at it all at once, no wonder its scary. You hopefully won’t need further biopsies, so that is done. Next step is the surgery. Deal with one step at a time, it makes it easier to cope. See after treatment what your breasts require to achieve best symmetry effect, you won’t know till you get there and its had time to settle down.
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Hi J,
Re. those who are telling you that you are “lucky”, I’m sure they are trying to make you feel better but it doesn’t help. You are going through physical pain and the emotional turmoil that comes with a cancer diagnosis, so however you are feeling is normal and most definitely allowed.
I think this stage is the worst, when it’s all new and you are getting new information thrown at you while waiting to start treatment. It will hopefully get easier once you have started treatment.
I can’t advise on the boob shape question but your surgeon will follow up after the op and can make adjustments with anything you aren’t happy about, so try not to worry about it now if you can (easier said than done I know). It will take a while for swelling to go down.
The breast nurses here are really kind and helpful so you can call them and they’ll give better advice than me!
The number is: 0808 800 6000 (Mon-Fri 9am-4pm; Sat 9am-1pm)
Hoping everything goes well for you.
Lisa x