Hi im wondering if anyone else feels abandoned. When first diagnosed in may people rallied round visited got me flowers etc but not its alnost like its boring to them i dont hear from people. My family kids and husband are amazing but those people i thought were friends seemed to have gone. Ive stopped updating on facebook because it all feels false to me. Ive had rough time fec was easy but doxatere took it out of me i then ended up in hospital with covid so surgery delayed. I live in a street i thought was close but not one person has knocked to see how i am. Am i overthinking it?
Peaches think we’ve all experienced the beam me up Scottie ‘friends’ who disappear then beam back down when treatments finished. Let them get in with it, they don’t mean anything by it, it’s just their coping mechanism half their time. Concentrate on you and don’t give a flying fig about how other peoples reaction are, you are what’s important 
Shi xx
Hi @Peach68 , I am sorry you feel this way. I can see why this is disappointing if previously people visited and now they do so less.
I hope that the Forum is providing you with a warm community of people who care, and where you feel you can be yourself. Over here it is ok to share all the ups and downs of life, and what you post matters.
On behalf of everyone in our team I am sending you our most positive energy 
Bernard
@Peach68
You need to concentrate on yourself and not spend much-needed energy on others.
I think we also have to remember that others have things going on in their lives, it’s not that they are being selfish or thoughtless - just caught up with their own life.
I know it is hard I know that a lot of our rational thinking goes out the window but we have to hone in on what is important at this time in our life - and for me, that was getting my treatment over and getting back to some form of normality.
All of the ladies on this forum will tell you that until you are experiencing breast cancer NO one can understand what you are going through/facing, also remember a lot of people do not know how to react around a person with a cancer diagnosis - so it can work both ways (I told people I did not want to talk about it) but that’s me.
Keep strong, you are not alone lots and lots of support on here.
HUGE hugs and wine gums from Poppy and the moglets xx
Don’t overthink it but find your ‘gang’; the people that are going to be there for you when you need them.
An acquaintance (who I now think of as a friend because I know she understands) told me when I was diagnosed - you’ll find out who your real friends are. She is so right - I am finding my comfort in places I never expected: a long lost cousin, a relatively new colleague, a small group of Pink Sisters (I was taken to only one meeting and now I have important chats on low days with them).
Search for your crew - those you know will be there when you need them. And we do need lots of different contacts as well as close family!
I hope this makes sense and gives you the strength to reach out. It is my first reply because I didn’t know whether forums would help or be my kind of thing! But this struck a chord and we should never feel on our own through this x
Hi peach
I consider breast cancer incredibly isolating because, as you may have found, no one can fully understand without having first-hand experience. I was amazed at how many acquaintances rallied round me when I got my primary diagnosis, offering to hold my hand during chemo (pre-covid days, sigh) and drive me to appointments. My neighbour rescheduled all her work so she could drive me to 14 of the 15 radiotherapy sessions. The same neighbour bundled her kids in the back of the car at 11pm and drove my husband and me to the hospital when I had neutropoenic sepsis!
I was disappointed in some of my friends not being so quick to offer support until I put myself in their shoes. Most had busy lives and didn’t feel they could be reliable. Some were so upset on my behalf and so afraid I was being inundated with support that they stepped back to give me space (that’s the kind version); others didn’t want to have to think about breast cancer and withdrew. They are the friends you lose. Try to think how you might behave if a close friend was going through chemo. Would you want to give them space because it’s something beyond your understanding? Would you dread passing on covid or flu or any bug your children have brought home? Would you ring or text them regularly so they don’t feel abandoned? It’s so hard to hit the right note.
I now have a secondary breast cancer diagnosis and I’m telling people step by step. Some have obviously googled and now treat me as if I’m going to pop my clogs before Christmas. Some have stepped right back because of the risk of infection as they interact with their grandchildren. Some are frightened for me (much more than I am). Some think everyone else is contacting me and they don’t want to add to the burden (again, that’s the best interpretation I can make) so they don’t attempt contact. I have weeks when no one offers to come round or even rings me. I’m so hit by fatigue, I really don’t mind right now. Yes, it’s lonely and, as I said, isolating. This is where the forums prove so helpful - you know you’re not alone.
There are Facebook groups set up to bring women with breast cancer together. They are closed groups so you have to search for them and apply to join. You might find that more satisfying than seeing all your friends posting pictures of Caribbean holidays while you’re stuck at home feeling crap - and abandoned.
So, no you’re not overthinking it but are you being passive? I still find it very hard to ask for help but I do do that. Do you ring or text your friends? Can you find a role for some of them in your treatment? Presumably radiotherapy looms after surgery - that’s 15 appointments. How many chauffeurs do you have? If it’s making you this unhappy, make the first move and see what response you get. Soon you’ll regain your immunity and be able to socialise a bit more - that makes a big difference.
I’m afraid this is a bit garbled. It’s late - that’s my excuse.
Take care,
Jan