have finished active treatment (WLE,SNB and rads in May/June/July - now facing tamoxifen) with rads finishing just about 3 weeks ago and feel a bit cast adrift. Have seen bcn the week before last to discuss tamoxifen and my anxieties about that and she was great and told me that you are never discharged from the bcns and can call them any time, which is a comforting thought, but I still feel I need to stand on my own two feet now,though also feel as though I want to just be looked after still ! the speed of dx and treatment seems to fast and it is as though you are being looked after very intensly and then suddenly there’s nothing !
I imagine I’m not alone in this.
Hi Chipper,
I found it very hard when my treatment finished.I only (only!) had a mastectomy and LD recon.So my treatment was very quick and I felt very isolated and almost like I hadn’t been a “real” cancer patient!
It takes time to be ready to stand on your own two feet,I was like you and still needing looking after.Don’t be hard on yourself,you have been through something no-one wants to experience and you have come through the other side.
Do use your BCN if you need to talk to someone or do you have a “maggies” centre near where you can drop in for a chat or coffee?
I wish you well and it does get better,just don’t put pressures on yourself with expectations.
I have been on Tamoxifen a year and have almost no side effects,so don’t be frightened to give it a go!
Love and best wishes,
Dot
xxx
Everything has happened so quickly for you,your diagnosis and treatment was so fast.
I know my hospital has an oncology counselling service, perhaps there is one where you are,I should ask about it. If not go to your gp, mine has certainly looked at everything to help me.
There is no reason to feel so alone, use all the resources available to you.
But you do have to ask!!!
kathy
Yes, in my experience, when a BCN says that you’re not cast adrift, they mean it. The best ones (and you sound as if you have a good relationship with yours) can give very good, practical advice. I email mine when it’s not urgent and it’s been invaluable…
thanks kate and Dot - I have been using this excellent forum a lot recently - it is so helpful. I just feel worried about seeming ‘needy’ - I have been quite stoical about all this so far - it’s just now that I’m feeling sort of out on a limb…have been treated so all should be ok now and everyone will think that that’s it - it’s the moving on bit that is tricky ! BCN is great but I feel that as I didn’t have chemo etc that my cancer is not such a big deal - no one has implied this I hasten to add, it’s just my own mind tormenting me. Poddle = have just read your post - I’ve emailed mine a few times,mostly to say thank you for talking to me, but am afraid of doing that too much in case she think, oh bugger, it’s that chipper again…
It took me a fair time to realise that good BCNs are in the job because they care about people. I’m sure that you only ask about relevant things - OCD included. Actually, can imagine that this is v interesting to a good BCN and they would actually want to know more so they can help more people in the future. My oncologist persuaded me to see a psychologist and it’s been useful (if not always v easy). The resources are there, but we have to use them. I was somewhat over stoical at the beginning I think. I didn’t have chemotherapy either and had similar thoughts.
Hi Chipper,
I finished treatment Feb 08 and know exactly how you feel, i seem to recall a very good article which helped me alot, called ‘when treatment has finished’, it was by a Dr Peter?Evans. Someone on here will no doubt know it, or the moderators can give you the link, i found it very helpful. Hang in there, its a strange time readjusting back to more like normality, take care,
Rivergirl.
thanks poddle - you’ve obviously seen my OCD posts on other threads ! She was very understanding about the OCD which has been great and has made me feel ok about it (ie not some crazy woman)
I’m now obsessing that she is fed up with me because I emailed after my holiday this week to say I’d had a nice time,how brilliantly the dressings worked (she found me some excellent things for burned and weepy chest) but that I had found it hard to switch off the things churning through my mind - I interpret this as being bad and that somehow she (by not replying) feels I’m too demanding - see, written down it sounds mad, but I genuinely feel that - on one hand I know that a) it didn;t need a reply,even though she is always quick to respond b} that she is probably very busy and I’m not her only patient for goodness sake ! c) she may not have been into the office ! That’s the ridiculous ocd thing, repetitive,circular and pointless thoughts going round my head.
Rivergirl - thanks - would be interested to read thaty article
Dear All,
I have attached a link to the article mentioned by Dr Peter Harvey:
I hope this is useful.
Kindest regards
Janet
BCC facilitator
thank you janet - that is a very helpful 7 interesting article
& I meant, not 7 !
Hi all,
Chipper, you are not alone- I feel the same way. After mx the results were good, so I am soon to be taking Zoladex and Arimiadex (can’t take Tamoxifen although that was the onc’s first choice).
I too feel that it’s all happened so fast and as I don’t need chemo
that my cancer wasn’t a big deal. This has been more than implied to me with comments such as ‘oh it wasn’t bad then’ followed by ‘my friend had BC, but she had to have chemo’ and all the details. Plus most people seem to think that hormone therapy is like having HRT.
Dot - I agree with you ‘only’ a mx! I too almost feel like I havn’t been a ‘real’ cancer patient and have been treated as such by most (with one or two notable exceptions)of my ‘support’ network.
Because treatment sometimes finishes so fast (five years of hormone therapy?) you don’t have time to digest what has happened and perhaps this is true also for the people around us.
In my opinion, all B cancers and all treatments are a big deal. Don’t be too hard on yourself.
Sorry, I’ve rambled on, but I just wanted you to know that you
are not alone and others feel the same as you.
Annabelx
hi Annabel- thanks for that…
All my friends and most of my family have been great - a very few people have not seemed bothered and one of my mum’s friends declared that ‘everyone has that’ (!!) when told - do they ? I think it’s more coming from me really - I tend to be very tough on myself and was brought up to be quite stoical - of course I am lucky to have not had chemotherapy - and I can see that people tend to think once active treatment is done that you must be better surely and can carry on as if nothing has happened. It’s very confusing ! BCN has been totally great.
Hi Chipper,
Yes, I agree that people tend to think that you should be getting
back to ‘normal’ once active treatment is over. As that excellent article that was linked to expressed; usually when you are ill
you feel ill and the treatment makes you feel better. In this case you (often)feel well and the treatment makes you feel worse, so while everyone is expecting you to feel better and carry on, which is how it usually works, you may feel the opposite.
From my experience, the ladies on this forum are very kind and supportive and understand that you can’t always ‘snap back’ and need
to find your own way forward, perhaps, with support from you BC nurse or chatting on the forums. As for being needy, if ever their was a time to be in need of some comfort, surely it is now.
Take care
Annabelx
thanks Annabel - am very glad I spoke to my bcn today and this forum is excellent- you take care too
chipper x
I think that my best friend has just tried to comfort me with an ‘at least you didn’t have it as bad as xxxx’ when I was trying to explain my feelings of oddness - I know I am lucky and xxx is having a shit time but I feel weird because my treatment has stopped and I’m not sure how I should be of feel…rant over xxx
or feel, not of.
chipper Only the people on the forums know what were going through because they have been there!outsiders seem to think well had your op. had treatment and everything should go back to exactly the same as it was before dx.and how wrong they all are.I was lucky in the fact I got through my treatment pretty smoothly but side effect was I looked well and everyone kept telling me "I Looked great"and forgot very quickly what I had been through although inside your hurting.Family and friends need to think before opening their mouths and putting their foot in it.Rant away we all do it sometime! Joyce xx
thank you Joyce - I feel bad about saying this as she’s my best friend and I always trust her judgements but I think this was the wrong time to try to buck me up !
Hi Chipper…Im a 5yr survivor, but I can relate to your post, I felt like that after all my treatment had finished, I felt I had lost my safety net! Dont rush yourself to stand on your own two feet, it will come so naturally that you wont even realise it, plus we all need looking after I still do… I have days/weeks now when I dont even think about bc…even when I look at the scars in the mirror…so pamper yourself, take things slowly, and always keep in touch with your bc sisters…we are the ONLY ones that truly understand.